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Scared to sleep.

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Scared to sleep.

Postby Camelidae » Mon Feb 06, 2012 10:35 pm

I mostly write this to get things off my chest in hope that afterwards I will feel good enough to sleep, because right now I am way too agitated and scared. Advice is appreciated though.

It´s ridiculous really. I get those dreams in that they find out I´m infected with a virus, that I´ll have to be locked up in quarantine until I die and that I am not allowed to see anyone ever again, not even to say goodbye. I´m basically put into my cell right after the "diagnosis". The moment I am told I will die and will never be able to see anyone again nor say goodbye is when I realize how I don´t want to leave and how much life and the people in it meant to me but how I never realized it before or told them and how I cannot look back and be cobtent with what I had because I let life pass me by.

This is especially scary since while awake I don´t feel particularly connected to or interested in even friends or family nor most activities. I have no goals for the future. Sometimes I´m scared I will end up wasting my time away doing nothing or doing nothing useful, but I cannot come up with anything I´d like to do because generally there are so few things I like to do or feel motivated to do (or feel capable of doing for a prolonged amount of time without losing interest after the initial excitement has worn off). With people I find myself flinging between wanting to be around them but being scared to approach them (and not knowing how to), beinf scared without wanting to be around them at all and feeling indifferent/bored.


Now I have two problems:

1) (For now.) I am afraid to sleep because the dream and the emotions that come with it are so intense. Tonight I woke up weeping and having anxiety attacks. I ended up feeling first anxious, then depressed (crying spells and later feeling too fatigued to even move) and then dissociated to the point I took old meds I found and that I stopped taking a year or so ago to get a physical rather than emotional response. So that was my day today. Yay.

2) (And that is what is probably causing the dream in the first place.) I have no goals or direction and feel unable to change that due to lack of motivation mostly -- or am partly not willing to. No, scatch that. I am. But feeling indifferent and flat in between does not help it.

Do any of you have advice on either 1) or2) (or both)? I rarely really have no idea before asking a question, but right now I really don´t at all, would be appreciated.


-Camelidae
The nurse I work with asked me to write down what I want. I want to recover from Borderline Personality Dirsorder.
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Re: Scared to sleep.

Postby masquerade » Mon Feb 06, 2012 11:14 pm

Hun, its really not a good idea to self medicate with old medications. It sounds as if the stresses and anxiety of the day are preying on your mind, and manifesting as nightmares. Before bed time it might be a good idea to try to chill and relax, maybe by listening to some soothing music, drinking camomile tea, taking a long warm bath and reading something light.

You say you have no goals, motivation and that you don't feel particularly connected to those close to you. Is it possible that you could be depressed? I feel very similar when I am depressed. It may be a good idea to speak to your doctor, mentioning the lack of motivation and also the nightmares. Your doctor can help you to find a cause and a solution. I hope all goes well for you.
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Re: Scared to sleep.

Postby realmofsoftdelusions » Tue Feb 07, 2012 2:55 am

There is a medication - prazosin -that is a blood pressure med but is used successfully in ptsd nightmares for some people. That may not be what is happening to you but it might be worth it to bring it up with the doctor.
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Re: Scared to sleep.

Postby Camelidae » Wed Feb 08, 2012 5:24 pm

Thank you for the replies.

masquerade wrote:You say you have no goals, motivation and that you don't feel particularly connected to those close to you. Is it possible that you could be depressed? I feel very similar when I am depressed. It may be a good idea to speak to your doctor, mentioning the lack of motivation and also the nightmares. Your doctor can help you to find a cause and a solution. I hope all goes well for you.


I´ve been in treatment for depressive episodes before (still somewhat am) and I recognize the feeling of having no motivation, power or drive I had back then, but most times I lack the depressive mood now. Occasionally I´ll feel pretty low and often very anxious, but having no goals or plans is something that is always present and always has been, even before I started feeling this way. It´s also part of my inability to plan even days ahead, get organized and start/finish projects and I really do not know how to deal with those.

realmofsoftdelusions wrote:There is a medication - prazosin -that is a blood pressure med but is used successfully in ptsd nightmares for some people. That may not be what is happening to you but it might be worth it to bring it up with the doctor.


If nightmares were a consistent problem for me, I would consider asking about it. I only get them every now and then, sometimes more frequently when stressed out, but overall still not too often. I´ll keep what you said in mind though just in case.
The nurse I work with asked me to write down what I want. I want to recover from Borderline Personality Dirsorder.
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