So confused...just diagnoised

Up until June 14th, not one of my friends or family would have said that I had a mental illness.

On Mar 7th I got the mother of all migraines. It would not leave. I ended up having to go on medical sick leave. I was so drained I could not take care of myself. I flew down to Houston and put myself under my sister's care. She is an amazing sister and really came through for me.

Three months later after my second hospital stay for the migraine/cluster headaches I was discharged with tons of drugs, one of them being an anti-depressant and they forgot to give my something to sleep. This was on Friday June 10th. On the Monday, I found out that some of my actions back in college hurt my family a lot more than I realized and that caused me a lot of emotional pain. The 90 days of intense physical pain, the emotional pain, the tons of drugs and lack of sleep combined boiled up and by Tuesday morning I completely lost it. I have never been so scared. Nothing made sense. I felt like I was forced into the movie "Matrix" and that I had to come to grips that I actually somehow died and that I was awaiting judgement.

My sister came home from work and was frightened by my state. She thought it was the migraine drugs, so with the help of a friend brought me back to the hospital. That is where I meet my Phsych Dr. I did not improve enough by the second day so I was checked into a Psych hospital. That is where I learned I was Bipolar II.

I know I NEVER want to have an episode again like that one episode. I don't get the best of sleep, my self-esteem has been a struggle and I do have a tendency to talk fast. I guess that is enough to make me bi-polar, but whenever the bi-polar descriptions are read it seems like the majority I don't relate to.

Now I feel like I don't have any skin. That I am left completely raw. If I have any feelings at all, my family takes that as me being in a manic or depressive mood. Anything that goes on with me is pyschoanalyzed. My family is doing everything they can to get behind me, but I have NEVER felt so incredibly far removed from them. I am taking the meds I am told to take, but I am afraid they will make me feel less, be less.

I didn't mean to write this much. I don't even know what answers I am looking for. I guess I really am hoping to find out if any of you were shocked as I am by getting a mental illness diagnoisis and how you were able to deal with emotionally.
Thanks for reading.

Greshy

It's not the idea of having a mental illness that shocks or freaks me out, it's the symptoms that I can't deal with.

I feel like the blind leading the blind so maybe someone with more knowledge can answer this better than me.