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Retroactive jealousy

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Retroactive jealousy

Postby Tiger » Fri Dec 17, 2010 3:57 am

Dear all,

I have a condition which I believe is titled retroactive jealousy. It is reliving my wife's previous relationships, particulary the sexual side of things. I become stressed and depressed and don't wish to talk to her when these images come to mind. I see them in full technicolor and it evokes emotions such as jealousy and rage.

I have searched for a cure but there is precious little on the subject. Naturally I know that it is irrational but I have battled with this for 15 years. I am happily married in every other way but this continues to blight our relationship. I have looked through books on CBT and they offer hope but I've not seen any reference to this particular condition. Can anyone help?
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Re: Retroactive jealousy

Postby agirlbyanyothername » Fri Dec 17, 2010 9:43 pm

I’m not sure the issue is Retroactive Jealousy per se. You might be doing yourself a disservice by narrowing your scope of research. There are probably larger issues at hand that are resulting in your jealousy. This may have more to do with OCD and intrusive thoughts. It just so happens that this is what your particular obsessive thoughts center on.
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Re: Retroactive jealousy

Postby Tiger » Mon Dec 20, 2010 5:25 am

Thanks for your response girl with another name. I'll investigate OCD but on face value I don't have any of the symptoms commonly associated with OCD. My thoughts are usually triggered by a comment someone makes or a movie or something that I read about women who have had many partners. Just curious, what made you think that OCD is at the heart of the problem?
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Re: Retroactive jealousy

Postby agirlbyanyothername » Mon Dec 20, 2010 11:40 am

The reason I thought of OCD is because these sound like obsessive and intrusive thoughts, which is something I struggle with. I also don’t have the classical symptoms of what you might consider OCD related; compulsively washing hands, checking locks, repeating rituals, etc. Even if OCD isn’t at the heart of your retroactive jealousy, something else is. You need to find out what that else and research that.
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Re: Retroactive jealousy

Postby Air Captain » Wed Dec 22, 2010 2:13 pm

There is also a form of OCD called "Purely Obsessional Obsessive Compulsive Disorder". Basically, it's more focused on the obsessive and intrusive thinking that one might have, and it doesn't require you to have much, or any, of the "regular" symptoms of OCD.

Of course, I don't know if this is what you have. But when agirlbyanyothername mentioned OCD, that's what came to mind. Perhaps just try to find some information on it, and if you feel any resonance with it, you can talk to someone about it. If not, then that's okay. But I think agirlbyanyothername is right in saying that there is most likely something else at the heart of it.

For a quick link to the Wikipedia article about Purely Obsessional OCD, you can click here.
"Now I'm not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes"
- Walking in My Shoes~ Depeche Mode
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