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Homicidal ideation

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Homicidal ideation

Postby licht » Mon Oct 25, 2010 6:21 pm

Would you admit it to a therapist?

I have had it since I was a child. It gets really, really, really bad when I am stressed out. But even when I'm not, I still think about it every day; almost like a fetish. The thoughts are almost always sexually linked.

If I know that I would never cross the line, does it become necessary to talk about? I've hidden a lot of myself from my therapist, but I make the distinction between what I know I would do, given the chance, and what I wouldn't do, regardless. So I don't tell her the stuff I wouldn't do. I worry about legality.

Thank you for your input.
Current clinical diagnoses:

Borderline personality disorder with psychosis.

Previous clinical diagnoses:

Avoidant personality disorder and social anxiety disorder.
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Re: Homicidal ideation

Postby Cinderella » Mon Oct 25, 2010 7:32 pm

Licht,
Last edited by Cinderella on Sat Apr 02, 2011 7:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Homicidal ideation

Postby Nanashi » Mon Oct 25, 2010 7:42 pm

I wondered about your username for awhile and why you chose it...What you are dealing with requires immediate attention and complete honesty with your therapist. You may feel you have control to a degree but, it takes so little for a thought to formulate into action.

-Senza-

Have you posted why you have had these thoughts since you were a child?

-Nanashi-
Hold these thoughts of you close and never forget
In the darkness nothing is clear
Far away, yet in my heart you're near
Let each scar vanish...and believe...forever
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Re: Homicidal ideation

Postby MCR_ROCKS » Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:17 pm

I told my psychologist, I accidentally told her first, then I had people controlling me and trying to get me to do things - then I didn't know if I wanted to do it or not - but I knew I didn't want that person to kill me, so I pulled a knife first ( I didn't use it - was just there ready) and they lied to me, it wasn't even true.
Well for 1 person anyway - plenty other people trying too.

Anyway my psychologist was ok when I told her.
And now the red ones make me fly
And the blue ones help me fall
And I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling
And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall
Fall on your tongue like pixie dust
Just think happy thoughts
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Re: Homicidal ideation

Postby johnf » Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:53 pm

Aslong as you are sure you are strong enough to beat the temptation don't. If you know you are not strong enough but don't want to then do tell her. If you just want to then I wouldn't advise. Personally I've avoided ever having to go to a therapist but your past that stage. Most importantly plan your decision and don't do anything rash as you may regret it.
Kill in a war you're a hero.
Kill on the street you're a murderer.
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Re: Homicidal ideation

Postby licht » Mon Oct 25, 2010 10:26 pm

Cinderella & Nanashi,

It wasn't something I posted because I felt like it was a 'cool subject'. On the contrary, I find it disturbing and sad. I wanted to get a vibe from others on here who may have been dealing with the same issues, to try and get a better understanding of how the revelation of ideations of this quality might impact the progression of my therapy.

The reasons for the ideation seem unimportant at this time. And, also, impenetrable. I am young, I am female. I was never abused, never hurt in any form. And homicidality is just one aspect of the problem. Biastophilia, necrophilia, necromutilomania... it's a just a giant chasm of hell and it is sublimely difficult to discuss. And I'm just wondering what will happen when I add homicidal ideation to the mix. I've lied about it for the entirety of our sessions, and this makes me feel like a waste of space.

Thanks for the input and perspectives.
Current clinical diagnoses:

Borderline personality disorder with psychosis.

Previous clinical diagnoses:

Avoidant personality disorder and social anxiety disorder.
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Re: Homicidal ideation

Postby MReepley » Tue Oct 26, 2010 5:49 am

Do not speak to anyone about homicidal ideation. Do not say any names in connection with any sort of violent thoughts. Depending on the location of your therapy your therapist is usually required by law to report any specific people and words of violence as a threat against said persons. This could result in an unnecessary hospital stay and even jail.

I have had this exact scenario play out for myself and had 6 months of my life forcibly removed. In the end nothing changed and I was sent home diagnosed as a schizoid.

If these thoughts are normal for you, then they should not play a role in the evaluation of your self-worth.

I personally believe homicidal ideation is a regular occurrence for everybody. It is just that only a minority of people will ever actually admit to it.
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Re: Homicidal ideation

Postby MCR_ROCKS » Tue Oct 26, 2010 10:58 am

If you have a good therapist then I would tell.

I hadn't planned on mentioning some things to my psychologist, but she was ok about it.

It could help you sort stuff out if you talk about it - or maybe write it down, it's sometimes easier that way.
Just mention 1 thing at a time - then you can see how she reacts and if you should continue.
And now the red ones make me fly
And the blue ones help me fall
And I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling
And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall
Fall on your tongue like pixie dust
Just think happy thoughts
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Re: Homicidal ideation

Postby licht » Tue Oct 26, 2010 12:56 pm

MReepley & MCR:

Thanks. I get where you're coming from, and appreciate the insights.

MReepley, it's unfortunate to hear about what occurred for you; thanks for letting me learn from it. I'll keep the thoughts where they are.
Current clinical diagnoses:

Borderline personality disorder with psychosis.

Previous clinical diagnoses:

Avoidant personality disorder and social anxiety disorder.
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Re: Homicidal ideation

Postby Cinderella » Tue Oct 26, 2010 6:34 pm

licht,
I didn't say that you only posted this because you thought it was a cool thing to post.
Last edited by Cinderella on Sat Apr 02, 2011 7:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
"Cinderella and the prince lived, they say, happily ever after, like two dolls in a museum case never bothered by diapers or dust, never arguing over the timing of an egg, never telling the same story twice..." Anne Sexton

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrWMBC6yoME
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