leaving hope

Hi Kevin,

Actually I have been doing just that and it has really given me a sense of relief because when I first posted I had felt I had no one I could talk to. I just could not trust them or felt uncomfortable and that they all have their own lives to worry about let alone worry about me. Also I have given up explaining BPD as it is just pointless as they cannot understand or become judgemental. Even today I got a message online from a friend saying "like I told you yesterday, you're not sad, just snap out of it". I saw that and logged off but let it bother me for hours.

Talking to other people who understand or are trying to understand gives me a really fulfilling sense of self than sitting there waiting for the doctor once a week. It has helped to bring myself to peace with a lot of the issues that were consuming me when I first posted and I can see myself getting better slowly day by day. This gives me the motivation to continue to keep trying and believe that everything will work out in the end.

I wish you luck with your situation, I feel like I have been too brash and erratic and take things out of perspective too easily. I think though that through your own experience, you'll have know problem knowing what to do and I hope too that I can heal and learn to just enjoy life for once!

Thank you for answering my cry for help. It is sincerely means a lot to me.

Well, good luck to you too chief. Whilst I was feeling sad earlier today, you actually crossed my mind and I wondered how you were getting on. It's terribly difficult to get over these things. I do know how to manage my own 'problem' right now, but it doesn't make the frustration / uneasiness any less. The person I like is literally 1000s of kilometers away.

Kevin

The person I like is literally 1000s of kilometers away.

Brother I feel you. I started dating someone and realised how dumb that was, better than sitting at home alone doing nothing and I realised the easiest thing to do is stop caring Everything will work out in the end…right?

You should just be upfone and assertive with that girl who is keen and then not towards you. Would that work? I have played Mr. Nice many times before, only to ose opportunities. I have grown in confidence over the years, however, and if I want something I'll do my utmost to get it. Regarding the girl who is 1000s of km's away from me - well - I have made a proposition to her for me to go there to see her. I am awaiting her decision, but I will be persistent if I get a 'no'. At least i'll know that I tried my best in the end.

Or maybe it's just the people I meet.

Just look elsewhere maybe. There are always 'new' girls around looking for a partner. I forget what age yuo are (and I'm not sure that you even mentioned it), but as you get older you'll notice more and more girls your age are taken. i'm 27, and the 'pool' of girls to target is quite small now. Still, I've had some good news today, as my friend (possibly girlfriend) from South America has said that she'd like me to go over. So, that's just what i'll be doing.

Kevin

i'm a couple of years older mate and you've have no idea. You got a massive pool, wait until you hit 30 and you'll understand. Dude I'm don't really care anymore. My libido did nothing but mess up my life and it just wasn't worth it. I'd always be so messed up to that I don't even remember it so girls are really the last thing on my mind atm you know?

...and to be honest everyday is still a struggle. It's of little condolence that I was not in the right state of mind to be in this relationship because the thing that saddens me the most is that I really felt this person is flawless. It's the only person that I have ever felt like that with and anyone else I meet just seems to be a constant reminder of that fact. It's the most agonising thing knowing that there was nothing wrong with her, but rather the sad consequence of the external affairs of life.

Hope things are working out with the SA chick.

*edit* HA I knew I had good reason to be wary. I was being played! At the same time I can't be angry but only laugh at how stupid everything is.

Hey chief, good to see you smiling (or at least 'winking'). Things have progressed a lot with regard to my friend in SA. I now have flights and a hotel booked, and we'll be going to a concert together when we meet. So, hopefully this is my chance - after 5 years - of having another relationship. If not, then at least I'll have gained a very special friend.

soidog wrote:*edit* HA I knew I had good reason to be wary. I was being played!

You're referring to the latest girl?

Hey chief, good to see you smiling (or at least 'winking'). Things have progressed a lot with regard to my friend in SA. I now have flights and a hotel booked, and we'll be going to a concert together when we meet. So, hopefully this is my chance - after 5 years - of having another relationship. If not, then at least I'll have gained a very special friend.

Best of luck brother. I've either become just cynical or neurotic regarding the other sex at the moment. I realised that I love my ex and would do anything to be with her. She was flawless as a person, it was life that just sucks. But I can't just depend on one hope and gotta make the most of what I have left with this life. Que sera...