My Social Phobia

I had Social Phobia from a long time along but never did realize it though. I would not speak in class. I can't talk to many students in class. I am a loner. I never had a real friend. Just a typical day going to school and heading home. I am very suprised to discover it just now. I have to admit I have improved. Now I can talk to some people more comfortable but still I got that sickening feeling. It's like I feel I am hopeless. Everyday passes by I say to myself I can do it. Just believe in yourself. Not all days are great though. Somedays I come from school feeling depressed and angry. I always ask myself why can't I overcome my fear? Why can't I be like anyone else? Why can't I make that shyness monster disappear? Why can't I trust myself more? I have reached a point now in my life where I think that I am the one supposed to get myself out of this disorder. Even if I go to a therpaist what will happen. He or she will write some medecines and that's it. These will not help me have my own actions and personality. I hate feeling hopless. So here is my message to all of you that suffer as I do. Do not give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do not depress yourself to the point that you want to kill yourself. Even if you are feeling down and have a low self estem. Do not give up!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because if you did imagine how your life will be when you grow up and have a job. Now, I totally feel miserable and depressed. This is the same feeling that I still have for the past seven years. Even when I think that I still got a long way to go, I will not give up ever. I will try my best and if it is not enough I will try much harder. Because if I give up, my hope that I long wish for will be lost. I know that I had countless failtures and nights were I cried a lot. I feel lots of pain to know that I don't know how to socialize with people. But I refuse to give up. I refuse to let my fears conquer me. I refuse to let my fears cage me in a box tht can't be open. I will take time and go throgh all these painful feelings but will never ever ever ever give up. If it didn't happen this time then it will happen the next. So please don't ever give up and believe that you could do it!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Nana1234, your right don't ever give up glad you havent and glad I don't either.. welcome to the forum's.

I understand where your coming from. School and especially high school was not fun times for me either...Looking back, I don't remember alot of it, I think I repressed alot of or was disconnected/detached so much back then it didn't really register many memories. Anyway, I always knew I was different, eccentric sometimes, shy, very shy, and didn't really know why. No one really suspected anything other than that I had an eccentric or odd constitution but after much study and reading I have determined that I have a Cluster A Personality and that I most likely do have Schizoid Personality Disorder which is alot like a social phobia in many ways. I have read a few books by the leading experts in the disorder and it has helped me to understand myself alot better and I can FORGIVE MYSELF now easier than I could in the past being my own worst enemy. I still don't want to go to therapy because it's not always useful for SPD but I'm considering it. I just think that I know more about myself, and this disorder than any therapist unless they have experience with this disorder specifically since it is rarely diagnosed. Anyways, feel free to unload here, its what I do.

Ah, that's good. When I was in high school, I was pretty much the same way. Actually, I'm still a loner, but that's just because I'm a loner at heart (I enjoy being a loner). Well, in the end, it comes down to two thing: what is the worst outcome if you perform the action and what is the worst outcome if you do not? And the fact of the matter was, every worst outcome of performing the action was almost always so miniscule, that there was nothing to fear to begin with. The next time you feel frightened of doing something (ANYTHING, not just social interactions) weigh the costs and benefit of performing the action against the costs and benefits of not performing it, then believe in your logic. Emotions have never have never been terribly good at making decisions.