Breatharianism

I'm here right now, trying to deal with my demons. I feel that it is possible for me to escape my pain through breatharianism, but should I pursue this, the journey will be difficult. I honestly can't say that I really know how to get there, or what "there" even is, because what do I really know about life. What can I really be so utterly certain of at this point?

I feel that for a long time, my mind has been closed, far too closed. I've been in mental anguish for so long; maybe I've forgotten that there could be another way out of the pain. The path I want/need to take is the path that does the least amount of damage, in all areas; the path that lifts my often non-existent soul from the bleak gloomy depths of resigned nihilistic depression and offers me what I feel to be a glimpse of something far more profound and beautiful than I can at this moment possibly imagine. That path, is breatharianism, and it is something that I wish to pursue.

To me, breatharianism represents the perfect balance, where all aspects of life, from physical to emotional, are being met, whislt doing the least amount of damage to onself in the process. People who use drugs or participate in other unhealthy activities might be happy in the moment, but it comes at a grave price. I think its possible to have your cake and eat it too, perhaps in a way most cannot even begin to comprehend.

Even though I have gotten to raw foodism, occassional progressing or reverting to fruitarianism, I feel a yearning to reach a much higher level. It comes naturally, almost as if it was my destiny. Although I have managed to get to this state solely through my own devices of intuition and wisdom, I am starting to strongly doubt that I can progress anymore on my own, which frustrates me, because I truly want to do it alone, and don't like opening up to other people. Perhaps there's just too much to try to comprehend for most to go at it alone. I'm also starting to think that I may have been strongly repressing or forgetting other areas of "the balance". I have put so much into nutrition that I have forgotten about some kind of happiness. Often, when I think about "happiness", I suddenly feel bad inside, almost as if I feel that I am unworthy of unhappiness because I can still die of cancer. I also fear that if I do open up and or let go of much of my pain, that I will somehow lose the awareness or ability to maintain my healthy diet. I want to feel better emotionally, but not at the expense of my physical health. I fear that because I have become an island, perhaps without enough perspective, that I would not know how to cope should I lose certain types of pain I have grown so accustomed to living with. I also feel that if I somehow did take the journey alone and succeeded, it might be far more meaningful to me.

Today, I fasted for a great deal of time, which was combined with lots of meditation-like walking. I eventually reached a state of what I would currently call bliss, because I feel my standards for feeling "happy" or "good" are quite low. Unfortunately, I eventually reached a state in which I feel my mind and my body were conspicuously out of synch. The best I can describe what I felt: Mentally, I was in a wonderful and peaceful place. I felt like I had risen above so much pain and degredation, and gained some kind of enlightening perspective. Physically, I was wasting away. Later on, I would start to feel empty-pain because it was too difficult for me to maintain this state, which I feel is a glimpse of paradise on earth. At this point I forced myself to start consuming food.

When I put the food in my mouth, I couldn't taste it. It had no feeling or substance to it, which is usually a signal for me to stop. I didn't feel like I needed the food, and every piece that I put into my system felt like a horrible mutilation. It was as if I were eating cardboard; there was no substance to it at all. I honestly believe that at that point, for whatever reason(s), I did not know how to further progress my being. In my heart, which I have learned to listen and pay close attention to, eating was not the solution to my problem. At that point, eating food was like taking cough medicine or a shot of morphine. It was just covering up the problem whilst creating other kinds of disturbances in the process; the reason why I do not take medications or street drugs.

The more food I put into my system, the more I felt I was losing touch with my "spitirual whatever" that I had built up during the day. It was so disheartening, not to mention painful, to go through this, but I really didn't know what else to do.

There is so much to try to comprehend. I feel that for whatever reasons, breatharianism is my calling, or at least an instrumental part of my journey. Even now, eating healthy, fasting, exercise, and perhaps anorexia (which I feel may only be a small piece of incomplete breatharianism, because wasting away physically is not a balance) comes to me naturally. I hope that by writing this, I may be able to keep the past alive, and gain something from my painful mistakes.

11/8/09

Hi, are you actually in a position where you are 'free' to take this path in your life? I am kind of tied up into something else at the moment (and I'm enjoying it somewhat), but breatharianism seems like something that I would consider. just be sure that it is nothing 'cultish', however, and be sure that those who are already practicing this are genuine. By 'genuine', I mean people wo are in it to find peace and happiness, and not those who have ulterior motives such as making profit, etc. In a way, it soumds like just another religion, but one without a God. In this sense, I suppose that it closely resembles Buddhism, but it's just different... ...kind of unique.

Talk more about it..

Kevin

If food is bringing you down, maybe you should examine that rather than surrounding yourself in jargon. You sound depressed, stressed, ill, and anxious frankly and that is not good. No amount of fruit, and a frankly dangerous sounding diet are going to help this. You need to eat well. Not getting all food groups is bad for you and your brain.

I really think from your tone you should go to the doctor.

Frankly what you are saying is NOTHING in line with Buddhism or the 'middle way' this is just a form of aesthetic extreme and would not be accepted by any Buddhist btw.