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Let's face it, I have no future.

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Let's face it, I have no future.

Postby Artifact No. 783 » Wed May 27, 2009 3:10 am

Well... I could have future, I could make my future, but that seems pointless.

See I don't have any degree or anything like that. I could go to shool and spend next 3+ years there, but that's not my thing... I just don't give a damn about those diplomas and degrees, they mean nothing to me.
That's the problem... I must have some schooling if I wanna get a job, but I don't see myself bounded doing same thing next 3+ years while the thing don't mean anything to me. I know, it's not necessary just school, I could get a job with this thing that they call "learn while work", get some degree by working. But that's another 3 years too!

I just don't want to do same thing over and over again, but normal human life is like this: go to school, get good grades, after school get a job, work hard, get a wife, buy a big house from suburbs, get two kids and a nice dog, be happy.
BUT THAT'S CRAP IN HANDBASKET!

I don't wanna be like "a normal person", live like a zombie, doing same things over and over again. It's like your life ends at your 25s, after that you just work, sleep, eat, take your kids to kindergarten and go to vacation twice in a year.

I just don't see myself there! I have my limitations due my mental things, I won't say problems/illness, 'cos I have pretty problem free life atm and I don't feel sick, but still it's there. :(

I kinda like my life right now, but I don't live rest of my life like this, getting only welfare moneys, I NEED thing on my own, but that's the problem.

I'm lost! I see the options, I know I should take one of them, but I don't see myself doing that. You can call me lazy or whatever I don't care. You can say "It's all there, so go for it!", but it's not that simple.

At this rate I'll be 40 y.o without any change and without future, but what I should to do when I don't wanna spend doing same thing more that 6-12 monts at time?

PS. Oh yeah! I am NOT suicidal, so don't worry about that. :wink:
...and the bravest man stood alone...
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Postby shutin » Wed May 27, 2009 5:19 am

Well you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
Degrees require some general studies, so that is a good thing to have before you figure out if you want a degree in a specific field. Also, taking a variety of different courses to see if you could stand anything is a good tactic, and could earn you a general studies degree.
I get what you mean about ending up at 40, and the idea of always working not being a plus. One way to look at it is, you'd make more money than welfare and you'd be self-sufficent. Which also means if you got tired of a job you could quit for a while (although it is good to stay at a place for at least a year). Plus, with extra money you can do more fun stuff (vacations).
I'm on disability, and it seemed like the only way for me. I don't think I want to be 40 and just say I had free time though. Maybe that doesn't apply to you, but anyways...
Some people are happier with the single life, so there isn't anything wrong with wanting and enjoying that. There is nothing wrong with staying on welfare while you figure it out, or if you always need it.
Nothing appropriate comes to mind.
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Re: Let's face it, I have no future.

Postby justchris » Wed May 27, 2009 10:33 am

Artifact No. 783 wrote:I just don't want to do same thing over and over again, but normal human life is like this: go to school, get good grades, after school get a job, work hard, get a wife, buy a big house from suburbs, get two kids and a nice dog, be happy.
BUT THAT'S CRAP IN HANDBASKET!

I don't wanna be like "a normal person", live like a zombie, doing same things over and over again. It's like your life ends at your 25s, after that you just work, sleep, eat, take your kids to kindergarten and go to vacation twice in a year.


These kinds of comments are huge red flags. You have a highly narcissistic worldview, and you need to try and figure out why.

There is nothing wrong with a "normal" human life. As a matter of fact, "normal" human life is infinitely more interesting, satisfying, and fulfilling than even the most dramatic and eventful lives lived by pathological narcissists.

A "normal" person is happier in traffic court than a narcissist is on a luxury cruise. Trust me.
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Postby Leviathan » Wed May 27, 2009 1:03 pm

It may as well have been me that made this thread.

I can understand where you're coming from. It's like everyone else around me is blind, their content with ageing, being emotional, wanting a family,being in love with someone who isn't beautiful and then dying old and weak.

I made a promise to myself to not live beyond 50, I owe it to myself to control my own destiny, I cannot bare to die old and frail, and riddled with disease.
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Re: Let's face it, I have no future.

Postby Artifact No. 783 » Sat May 30, 2009 8:24 pm

Thanks for replies all!

I must admit that I have some narcissistic traits, but I'm not really narcissist. I don't need nobody, I'm not attention whore, I don't use other people to do things for me etc.
I just see that I'm kinda superior, but I don't need to tell that anybody, I am I and others are others, that's it.

If you're familiar with Pink Floyd album and know it's concept, you might have idea what it is living behind that wall.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wall

I have built the wall around me, I kinda feel like Pink. Well... I didn't had the best childhood and I kept collecting the bricks, one by one, over years of time and now I have wall. It's not just the wall, or maybe it is, still I'm mentally ill, but I call that wall, it's one and samething for me. I'm a broken person, wreck of man and I have the wall, everything is fine. :)

I have limitations because of it and top of that I don't nobody tear down my wall. But once a while it's get boring in here, I feel like I need something to do. I almost must have something to do. Like there's nothing wrong with living off of wellfare, but it's get dull after few years. I might not like to work, but I could try that, but if I wanna get a job I must have degrees and all that.
It's all going round and round and round... Do this and then you can do that, but I wanna just do that, but I must do this to be able to do that, but I don't wan't to do this...

Like, what's the point? Should I torture myself to gain something that I don't want to gain? But I don't want to be like this rest of my life. I could be an artist, no really need to get schooling to do art, but artist is valuable only after his death. I might like to own wineyard and take care of it, but they cost +$3 million.

I prefer to do thing alone, but every job that I might get into is something like officework. I don't wanna be middle of 20+ peoples day after day. I don't wanna settle down. I feel that there is some solution, but I just can't find it. Or maybe there is no solution and that's why I can't find it.
...and the bravest man stood alone...
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Re: Let's face it, I have no future.

Postby shutin » Mon Jun 01, 2009 5:38 am

I love the wall album, and I've built one too, I'm just not a very good builder so the world still gets in. I agree, welfare/disability gets boring after a while. I dislike working with others too, but it's a price to pay.
Nothing appropriate comes to mind.
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Re: Let's face it, I have no future.

Postby jt_bassman » Thu Jun 04, 2009 4:16 am

OK... really honey.... if you don't have a serious mental illness that going to require years of treatment and hard work to even cope with.... then theres no reason to worry about a thing. Enjoy your beautiful life, mind, and body.
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Re: Let's face it, I have no future.

Postby user115 » Fri Jun 05, 2009 5:19 am

You sound almost exactly like me.
I'm only 20 so I really don't have much experience in trying to cope with this. My best solution is to take it one day at a time. Don't think so far ahead or you'll get overwhelmed. I don't want a damn degree either. None of that means anything to me. Almost nothing interests me. I can totally relate. I try to just live my life minute by minute. Try to look at tasks individually. Don't look at the bigger picture. I don't think more than a day ahead of time about anything. That's what seems to work for me. As hard as it may be, try to find pleasure in the simple everyday things. I'm so unmotivated to do anything it's ridiculous, yet I still have a job and I will be finishing college soon. I'm realistic with myself. I know I probably don't have a bright future ahead (compared to what "normal" people consider good) and I've just learned to accept it. I do feel superior to most people because they just seem blind and naive. I probably never will have some fancy career, a spouse, kids, etc. I've learned to just accept it. If I really wanted those things I'd pursue them. Think of it that way. If you don't want any of that, don't worry about it. I hope that makes sense. I really don't have any substantial advice because I'm the same way.
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Re: Let's face it, I have no future.

Postby Moss » Sun Jun 07, 2009 6:20 am

There's always a future. I read in Time magazine today that Michelle Obama doesn't know what she's going to do with her life. We've all got time.

If you think the end of the world is near, plant a tree and see what happens.

I am approaching that time of ages called "middle" and I have solved my struggle of self condemnation. No I am not as "accomplished" as others. But I am not failing. I am on my own time frame and am willing to work toward discovery of what I will be doing in the future. I refuse to feel as if I am behind a race I am not running. I shall hike another course.

Mania has no patience, but pleanty of drive.

Depression has no patience and no drive.

I will wait on patience. I encourage myself by browsing the local senior citizen paper. I read of men and women who discover thier callings well after the age of 40. They do great deeds. They engender love and respect. May be I, too can achieve such things.

There is always more time. Even in the midst of calamity, as the surf pounds your body amongst the rocks, there is time. Time to shield your head. Time to graps for handholds. Time to plant your feet. Time to catch a breath. Time to scramble to your footing. Time to brace against the next wave and time enough to escape.

There is a futre, we don't even have to wait for it. It just keeps coming.

MOss

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