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I need help with my sister...

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I need help with my sister...

Postby LadyNora » Fri Aug 04, 2017 6:38 pm

My baby sister who is in her mid 20s, lately when she gets upset she starts screaming (AAAAAAAAAAAAA) very long and loud.. screaming her lungs out. banging on the door from inside her bedroom. She doesn't care about the time and the neighbours. One time she got upset in the car and screamed very loud at the back while i was driving. She doesn't work. She stays at home. My dad would give money to her. She cannot be outside or with strangers alone. Very dependant on us. What should we do? This is getting frequent. She gets upset very easily. Normal times, she would raised her voice and scold me over very petty issues. And when she is very upset because things doesn't go her way or we said the wrong thing, she screams her lungs out and refused to see anyone and refuse to eat. In the past things like this did happen but very rarely and not as bad but after one incident recently she became very unstable and difficult to be around with. The incident involved really broke her heart because she believed that our mother had backstabbed her and sided with my younger brother who wanted to lie to my dad using my sister's name.
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Re: I need help with my sister...

Postby Otter » Sat Aug 05, 2017 4:42 am

I'm sorry your sister is suffering so, and as a result, the family and you are suffering.

That said, unfortunately, what you described could be almost anything. Has your family tried to get her to a doctor? Is she violent? Does she want to hurt anyone or hurt herself?

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Re: I need help with my sister...

Postby Alucard » Sat Aug 05, 2017 5:31 am

All of you must really be struggling with this. It sounds difficult, as if she is trying to communicate her frustration to you all in a way she understands, but then get's frustrated further because the way she understands her frustration isn't the way you all understand it. It can be really infuriating when you can't communicate the way you want to: for both your family, and for your sister.

If this is recent, it sounds like she needs to see a doctor or neurologist. You say she's experienced some incidents like this before, so If this has been something she's dealt with since she was born, it sounds like there is something in life she is very, very, VERY upset about and is having trouble communicating it in a way you all understand.

That being said, I don't think forcing her into anything will be helpful. She is an adult at this point, and unless she struggles with any developmental disabilities that would prevent her from having the physical mind of an adult, she needs to be treated/talked to like one. That's a fact. Working with explosive people every day, responding to their aggression and tantrums with calmness and compassion can really change things dramatically.

Not that that's an EASY thing to do. It's takes a while to really figure it out. Otherwise, has anyone asked her why she reacts in this way? When she's in an okay mood, has anyone gone up and said well, hey, we've noticed you've been getting upset really easily lately, is something going on? That would be my first approach to this.

Getting her sent somewhere she either doesn't want to go to or getting her sent somewhere without really explaining things and having a discussion about this could make anger, resentment, and family stress even worse.

Anyway, that's my two cents. I hope things work out for you all.
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Re: I need help with my sister...

Postby LadyNora » Sat Aug 05, 2017 5:58 am

Otter wrote:I'm sorry your sister is suffering so, and as a result, the family and you are suffering.

That said, unfortunately, what you described could be almost anything. Has your family tried to get her to a doctor? Is she violent? Does she want to hurt anyone or hurt herself?

Otter.


Hello. Thank you so much for your reply.

Yes. she can be violent but most of the time it is towards herself or things. She even mentioned about suicide quite a number of times. When she screams, she looks very scary and out of control. And then she will either crying and screaming. or just screaming and then went quiet when we leave her alone.. most probably fell asleep. The next day, it depends sometimes she gets okay when she wakes up. or she would sleep for the whole day and then after a while she will be okay again.
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Re: I need help with my sister...

Postby LadyNora » Sat Aug 05, 2017 7:12 am

Alucard wrote:All of you must really be struggling with this. It sounds difficult, as if she is trying to communicate her frustration to you all in a way she understands, but then get's frustrated further because the way she understands her frustration isn't the way you all understand it. It can be really infuriating when you can't communicate the way you want to: for both your family, and for your sister.

If this is recent, it sounds like she needs to see a doctor or neurologist. You say she's experienced some incidents like this before, so If this has been something she's dealt with since she was born, it sounds like there is something in life she is very, very, VERY upset about and is having trouble communicating it in a way you all understand.

That being said, I don't think forcing her into anything will be helpful. She is an adult at this point, and unless she struggles with any developmental disabilities that would prevent her from having the physical mind of an adult, she needs to be treated/talked to like one. That's a fact. Working with explosive people every day, responding to their aggression and tantrums with calmness and compassion can really change things dramatically.

Not that that's an EASY thing to do. It's takes a while to really figure it out. Otherwise, has anyone asked her why she reacts in this way? When she's in an okay mood, has anyone gone up and said well, hey, we've noticed you've been getting upset really easily lately, is something going on? That would be my first approach to this.

Getting her sent somewhere she either doesn't want to go to or getting her sent somewhere without really explaining things and having a discussion about this could make anger, resentment, and family stress even worse.

Anyway, that's my two cents. I hope things work out for you all.


Hi there. Thanks so much for your reply.

She doesn't really go out much and even when she is not well, she would rather just stay at home than see a doctor. It is only until she had to go because it is really bad that she would. She doesn't like to be around strangers.

Is it okay for me to just give in to her. Say for example, we disagree over something. Should i just go with the flow and agree with her? Will that be good for her?

When she explodes over something petty... should i just apologize even when I think she is wrong and being unreasonable? is that good or bad for her?

She can't be forced. Things must go the way she wants it to go or she gets upset. And when she gets upset it's not pretty.

I have never really asked her.. what is going on. I guess I am scared it would upset her and then we have to deal with her tantrums. I am older than her but she doesn't really respect me. She is actually a very intelligent girl,very generous and sweet when she is in her good mood. of course we cannot say the 'wrong' thing at any time or she would explode instantly. Her special condition has made me decided to remain unmarried so that i can take care of her. But lately with this kind of behaviour, it really gets to me. Makes me feel like giving up.
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Re: I need help with my sister...

Postby quietgirl2538 » Sun Aug 06, 2017 1:16 pm

When she explodes over something petty... should i just apologize even when I think she is wrong and being unreasonable? is that good or bad for her?


Hello LadyNora, I'm sorry to hear of you having to deal with so much. It can put so much strain on your daily life when dealing with your sister who behaves like this. I don't know your entire story or her side and knowing her side isn't what I am saying much about, because your opinion of the situation is very important to acknowledge, is how I see things. If I were in your place, I'd try to talk things out with her before giving any apology. Perhaps there is a misunderstanding. Do that to know if you are wrong or unreasonable. You can't read her mind, so think about it that way. Perhaps she could be helped out in how she feels about things (life, herself, etc.) by having a real relationship where it's a back and forth dialogue. I know when I have problems with other people, like a friend, and we communicate, it just feels so much better to have talked through things and not assume things or to be honest about how we feel. It can help my relationships grow and I am respected.
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