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I Think I'm Overdependent

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I Think I'm Overdependent

Postby Neari » Fri Jul 14, 2017 12:30 am

Being the youngest sister, and an INFJ with an eating disorder(EDNOS), I think it all sums to me being too overdependent on my oldest sister and also on food. My sister has depression and anxiety worst than mine.. And when she's depressed/anxious in any way, I strongly feel like I should feel the same.. And because of the eating disorder, I constantly compare her eating habits to my own. I am very aware that these habits are unhealthy, I'm struggling with trying not to focus on what she/others eat, and trying to focus on self improvement instead. However.. It's been really hard, she skips meals often and well, it just slowly kills me in the inside trying not to compare myself to her.(because I know I've eaten a lot more than her..) And when she exercises/dances, my eating disorder just screams at me, because I start to think that she's burning more calories than me and yeah.. I know that what I eat shouldn't matter this much, I shouldn't worry so much over calories and I shouldn't constantly base myself off my sister.. But I've been struggling for almost a year now. (Thank you for reading this 'vent', I appreciate it.)
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Re: I Think I'm Overdependent

Postby Tilda » Fri Jul 14, 2017 4:31 pm

Wow this is crazy your situation sounds EXACTLY like mine used to be!!! I'm a younger sister, an INFJ and I used to have an eating disorder. Although I now have severe body dysmorphic disorder (unrelated to my eating disorder), at the time my sister's mental health was worse than mine (she was suffering with depression and anxiety just like your sister) and I also feel like in a way this encouraged my mental health to get worse, like I was kinda mirroring her y'know?? Because of my sister's depression, she began to barely eat anything, and like you it made me feel absolutely terrible inside because I would constantly compare the amount we were both eating. I've mostly recovered from my eating disorder now, and I don't negatively compare my diet or body to my sister much anymore, so hopefully I can give you a little bit of advice!

Firstly, I think it's really helpful to remind yourself that you should NOT be striving to have a diet like your sister. She's depressed, lacks a healthy appetite, and is probably malnourished. That's not a goal you should be working towards. If anything, comparing your diet to hers should make you feel BETTER about yourself - when you eat a meal and she skips it, you're giving your body proper nutrition and energy, while she isn't. Trust me, although that ED voice in your head will tell you the opposite, you're the one winning here! Every time you eat a meal that she skips, you're doing good for your mind and body. Please remind yourself that.

Another really useful thing for me was starting a fitness regime. Once I started noticing my body getting fitter and stronger, I stopped caring so much about which of us was skinnier. When I compare my body with my sister's body now, I feel proud that I'm fitter and stronger than her, not upset that she's skinnier than me.

I definitely haven't figured everything out perfectly (I've been struggling recently with becoming over-involved and obsessed with my sister's diet rather than my own), but I hope my experience is somewhat useful to you!
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Re: I Think I'm Overdependent

Postby sunshineNrainbows » Sat Jul 15, 2017 1:03 am

Neari wrote:Being the youngest sister, and an INFJ with an eating disorder(EDNOS), I think it all sums to me being too overdependent on my oldest sister and also on food. My sister has depression and anxiety worst than mine.. And when she's depressed/anxious in any way, I strongly feel like I should feel the same.. And because of the eating disorder, I constantly compare her eating habits to my own. I am very aware that these habits are unhealthy, I'm struggling with trying not to focus on what she/others eat, and trying to focus on self improvement instead. However.. It's been really hard, she skips meals often and well, it just slowly kills me in the inside trying not to compare myself to her.(because I know I've eaten a lot more than her..) And when she exercises/dances, my eating disorder just screams at me, because I start to think that she's burning more calories than me and yeah.. I know that what I eat shouldn't matter this much, I shouldn't worry so much over calories and I shouldn't constantly base myself off my sister.. But I've been struggling for almost a year now. (Thank you for reading this 'vent', I appreciate it.)


Hello, Neari. What do you think your goal is for comparing yourself to her? To look more like her? To win some kind of competition to be better than her? Something else?
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Re: I Think I'm Overdependent

Postby Neari » Sat Jul 15, 2017 1:42 pm

Tilda wrote:Wow this is crazy your situation sounds EXACTLY like mine used to be!!! I'm a younger sister, an INFJ and I used to have an eating disorder. Although I now have severe body dysmorphic disorder (unrelated to my eating disorder), at the time my sister's mental health was worse than mine (she was suffering with depression and anxiety just like your sister) and I also feel like in a way this encouraged my mental health to get worse, like I was kinda mirroring her y'know?? Because of my sister's depression, she began to barely eat anything, and like you it made me feel absolutely terrible inside because I would constantly compare the amount we were both eating. I've mostly recovered from my eating disorder now, and I don't negatively compare my diet or body to my sister much anymore, so hopefully I can give you a little bit of advice!

Firstly, I think it's really helpful to remind yourself that you should NOT be striving to have a diet like your sister. She's depressed, lacks a healthy appetite, and is probably malnourished. That's not a goal you should be working towards. If anything, comparing your diet to hers should make you feel BETTER about yourself - when you eat a meal and she skips it, you're giving your body proper nutrition and energy, while she isn't. Trust me, although that ED voice in your head will tell you the opposite, you're the one winning here! Every time you eat a meal that she skips, you're doing good for your mind and body. Please remind yourself that.

Another really useful thing for me was starting a fitness regime. Once I started noticing my body getting fitter and stronger, I stopped caring so much about which of us was skinnier. When I compare my body with my sister's body now, I feel proud that I'm fitter and stronger than her, not upset that she's skinnier than me.

I definitely haven't figured everything out perfectly (I've been struggling recently with becoming over-involved and obsessed with my sister's diet rather than my own), but I hope my experience is somewhat useful to you!


That makes me feel tons better knowing that I'm not alone in this.. I've always sorta felt like it was stupid for always comparing myself to her and sorta beating myself up for it. But knowing that someone else out there knows how I've been feeling helps, for some reason. I'm glad to know that you've overcome that, and keep fighting that body dsymorphic disorder. After looking it up, it seems like a disorder I can relate to, and I honestly don't know if this will help, or how many times you've heard this, but remember that you are beautiful in your own way. I try to remind myself that we're all created to be uniquely beautiful, like snowflakes. (I'm sorry if this is cheesy in any way, but it's 110% truth!) Anyways, thank you again, you'll be in my prayers. ^_^
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Re: I Think I'm Overdependent

Postby Neari » Sat Jul 15, 2017 2:05 pm

sunshineNrainbows wrote:
Neari wrote:Being the youngest sister, and an INFJ with an eating disorder(EDNOS), I think it all sums to me being too overdependent on my oldest sister and also on food. My sister has depression and anxiety worst than mine.. And when she's depressed/anxious in any way, I strongly feel like I should feel the same.. And because of the eating disorder, I constantly compare her eating habits to my own. I am very aware that these habits are unhealthy, I'm struggling with trying not to focus on what she/others eat, and trying to focus on self improvement instead. However.. It's been really hard, she skips meals often and well, it just slowly kills me in the inside trying not to compare myself to her.(because I know I've eaten a lot more than her..) And when she exercises/dances, my eating disorder just screams at me, because I start to think that she's burning more calories than me and yeah.. I know that what I eat shouldn't matter this much, I shouldn't worry so much over calories and I shouldn't constantly base myself off my sister.. But I've been struggling for almost a year now. (Thank you for reading this 'vent', I appreciate it.)


Hello, Neari. What do you think your goal is for comparing yourself to her? To look more like her? To win some kind of competition to be better than her? Something else?


Hi, I honestly don't really know.. I've thought about it a lot, but my thoughts overall are..I want to be like her? Little sisters usually look up to their oldest sisters, and I've always been secretly envious that she's not struggling with an ED like I am, and how she can be 'independent'. If she wants to go out for a walk, alone, she can. If I do, I can't, because I'm too young and a little anxious. If she wants to skip meals or eat tiny ones, its so natural and our mom never notices. However for me, she'll keep bugging me, even if I'd binged the meal before. Also, she's always been great at expressing her emotions and stuff to me and my other sister, and it always comes out super awkward for me, and stuff like that. Oh and another thing, one time, I was trying to talk about some problems with her, like how I'm not able to express my emotions well, and she told me about how it was because of my astrology. However, she said that her astrology makes it hard for her to express her emotions too, as well as giving her more issues (that I don't remember) than me. Of course she was just saying that to comfort me, but that just made me feel bad because , I'm not sure, but maybe I've been feeling like my depressed emotions are invalid because she's been dealing with and has dealt with so much more stuff than me. The ED is a pretty big factor at making me compare myself to what others eat, so I also could just be in constant competition with her, trying to eat less than her. She's also starting to discover who she is through her sense of fashion style recently, I should be happy for her. And I am, but my ED just sees her pretty, slim figure and brings all kinds of envious thoughts. Not sure, but my ED always wants me to 'be better' than her too, I guess. And I know it's selfish, unhealthy and unnecessary, but these thoughts are always trying to drive me to eat less than her in some way or exercise more than her. (Although I always end up eating more than her) Anyways, thanks for reading this, I kinda just spilled out my thoughts, thank you again.
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Re: I Think I'm Overdependent

Postby Tilda » Sun Jul 16, 2017 1:03 pm

Neari wrote:
Tilda wrote:Wow this is crazy your situation sounds EXACTLY like mine used to be!!! I'm a younger sister, an INFJ and I used to have an eating disorder. Although I now have severe body dysmorphic disorder (unrelated to my eating disorder), at the time my sister's mental health was worse than mine (she was suffering with depression and anxiety just like your sister) and I also feel like in a way this encouraged my mental health to get worse, like I was kinda mirroring her y'know?? Because of my sister's depression, she began to barely eat anything, and like you it made me feel absolutely terrible inside because I would constantly compare the amount we were both eating. I've mostly recovered from my eating disorder now, and I don't negatively compare my diet or body to my sister much anymore, so hopefully I can give you a little bit of advice!

Firstly, I think it's really helpful to remind yourself that you should NOT be striving to have a diet like your sister. She's depressed, lacks a healthy appetite, and is probably malnourished. That's not a goal you should be working towards. If anything, comparing your diet to hers should make you feel BETTER about yourself - when you eat a meal and she skips it, you're giving your body proper nutrition and energy, while she isn't. Trust me, although that ED voice in your head will tell you the opposite, you're the one winning here! Every time you eat a meal that she skips, you're doing good for your mind and body. Please remind yourself that.

Another really useful thing for me was starting a fitness regime. Once I started noticing my body getting fitter and stronger, I stopped caring so much about which of us was skinnier. When I compare my body with my sister's body now, I feel proud that I'm fitter and stronger than her, not upset that she's skinnier than me.

I definitely haven't figured everything out perfectly (I've been struggling recently with becoming over-involved and obsessed with my sister's diet rather than my own), but I hope my experience is somewhat useful to you!


That makes me feel tons better knowing that I'm not alone in this.. I've always sorta felt like it was stupid for always comparing myself to her and sorta beating myself up for it. But knowing that someone else out there knows how I've been feeling helps, for some reason. I'm glad to know that you've overcome that, and keep fighting that body dsymorphic disorder. After looking it up, it seems like a disorder I can relate to, and I honestly don't know if this will help, or how many times you've heard this, but remember that you are beautiful in your own way. I try to remind myself that we're all created to be uniquely beautiful, like snowflakes. (I'm sorry if this is cheesy in any way, but it's 110% truth!) Anyways, thank you again, you'll be in my prayers. ^_^


I'm so so glad I could make you feel even a little bit better :D I completely agree with what you said about everyone being uniquely beautiful, however cheesy it may sound! To try and stop comparing myself to other people I've recently been doing this thing where if I see someone really pretty, instead of thinking 'ugh I wish I had their face' I tell myself 'I'm glad they have the face they do, and I'm glad I have the face I do'. So like instead of wishing I looked like other people, I just appreciate their beauty while also appreciating mine y'know? I'm slowly beginning to accept that my face is mine and my body is mine and I wouldn't really want them any other way because then I wouldn't be me. Hopefully we can both learn to accept that we're completely unique 'snowflakes' and it'd really be a shame and kinda boring if we looked exactly the same as another snowflake right? :)
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