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How do we move on from here?

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How do we move on from here?

Postby svenne » Fri Jun 09, 2017 6:05 pm

I feel very hopeless today. Like nothing is ever going to be okay.

And I see that other people on the forum reach a low point sometimes and write about how they just cannot see any light in their future.

So how do we move on? And how do we avoid to end up here again and again? Maybe that's too much of a question, I just really would like to know.
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Re: How do we move on from here?

Postby ozwald » Fri Jun 09, 2017 6:11 pm

One thing that really helps me:

I only have ONE issue to deal with at any given time.

I don't have to deal with next year, until next year.
I don't have to deal with next month, until next month.
I don't have to deal with next week, until next week.
I don't have to deal with tomorrow, until tomorrow.
I don't have to deal with this afternoon, until this afternoon.
I don't have to deal with my voicemail messages, until I listen to them.
I don't have to deal with my text messages, until I read them.
I don't have to deal with my emails, until I read them.

So, now that I have nothing to deal with except what I need to deal with RIGHT NOW, I have lifted the weight of dealing with 'life' off my shoulders.

I just deal with ONE problem, then if another problem raises it's ugly head, I deal with that problem NEXT.

ONE AT A TIME.
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Re: How do we move on from here?

Postby Rickamateur » Fri Jun 09, 2017 7:04 pm

I have felt like that from time to time. Recently, I've been working hard to change my mindset. Always telling myself there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I might not be able to see it but I will keep moving forward since my gut tells me it's there.

I also believe that I have a purpose in life and the darkness around me is merely a challenge I must overcome to get there. I know everyone have dreams they hoped to accomplish. The ironic thing is that we grow the most when we are in pain and suffering. When you have a good day, do you ever ponder about how you could improve yourself or do you simply stay with status quo?

Part of life is to find that answer for yourself and, to do that, you must know yourself better. I'm not talking about the you that's trying to fit in and put on an act to fit in. The real you that could be hidden all this time wanting to come out.

I know I'm rambling a bit here but I hope these help somewhat. I'd be happy to discuss more since it's definitely a big topic. I hope your day improves. :)
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Re: How do we move on from here?

Postby maria10 » Fri Jun 09, 2017 11:36 pm

Sorry that you're going through this :( but you're right in realising that you're not the only one (though of course everyone's circumstances are different) and recovery is very realistic even when it doesn't seem like it. Take it day by day, don't be too hard on yourself and use your resources (friends/family/therapists/hotlines), don't be afraid to ask for help, it might also be useful to consider consistently seeing a therapist if you're not already. You don't have to go through this alone!
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Re: How do we move on from here?

Postby svenne » Sat Jun 10, 2017 4:09 pm

Rickamateur wrote:Recently, I've been working hard to change my mindset. Always telling myself there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I might not be able to see it but I will keep moving forward since my gut tells me it's there.

I think this must be a big part of the answer on how to get through impossible days. I know I'll always run into low periods, but remembering the light at the end of the tunnel must be the right way to cope with it. Believing that if we just keep going, situations or moods will change. It will never remain impossible for days and days on.

Rickamateur wrote:I also believe that I have a purpose in life and the darkness around me is merely a challenge I must overcome to get there. I know everyone have dreams they hoped to accomplish. The ironic thing is that we grow the most when we are in pain and suffering. When you have a good day, do you ever ponder about how you could improve yourself or do you simply stay with status quo?

I guess I stay with the status quo on good days :) And I would like to believe this - that we grow most during pain and suffering - but is it true? I'm just not sure I'm growing from it.
Do you feel like you developed mostly during the hard times?

I like the way you see darkness as a challenge. It makes it less dangerous and more possible to overcome.

Rickamateur wrote:Part of life is to find that answer for yourself and, to do that, you must know yourself better. I'm not talking about the you that's trying to fit in and put on an act to fit in. The real you that could be hidden all this time wanting to come out.

This is true and I think the self-awareness I've experienced lately is a gift. And it took some pain to get that awareness.

Rickamateur wrote:I know I'm rambling a bit here but I hope these help somewhat. I'd be happy to discuss more since it's definitely a big topic. I hope your day improves. :)

It helped and soothed me, thanks :) I feel better today.
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Re: How do we move on from here?

Postby svenne » Sat Jun 10, 2017 4:26 pm

mindintertwined wrote:Sorry that you're going through this :( but you're right in realising that you're not the only one (though of course everyone's circumstances are different) and recovery is very realistic even when it doesn't seem like it. Take it day by day, don't be too hard on yourself and use your resources (friends/family/therapists/hotlines), don't be afraid to ask for help, it might also be useful to consider consistently seeing a therapist if you're not already. You don't have to go through this alone!

Thank you :)

Sometimes we are just overwhelmed by what life has to offer. My brain has a way of shutting down and giving all up when things are too much. It feels like I don't have much resilience.

I think you're right that taking day by day is a good way to overcome hard times. I'm going to try to remember that. Sometimes it feels like I end up at the same place again and again. But I think that's the depression speaking, because it's not always the same place. And today I feel better than yesterday :)
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Re: How do we move on from here?

Postby big Anatoly » Tue Jun 13, 2017 8:30 pm

Old Svenne, sounds like you aren't living up to your New Years resolution... what was it.. be moe outgoing and less self absorbed? Good luck!!!
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Re: How do we move on from here?

Postby svenne » Fri Jun 16, 2017 7:19 pm

big Anatoly wrote:Old Svenne, sounds like you aren't living up to your New Years resolution... what was it.. be moe outgoing and less self absorbed? Good luck!!!


Already forgot all about that. Thanks for reminding me. You definitely are a (grandious) friend in times of need.
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Re: How do we move on from here?

Postby Rickamateur » Sun Jun 18, 2017 3:24 am

Sorry I didn't respond sooner. Was never notified you replied to my past. :(

svenne wrote:I think this must be a big part of the answer on how to get through impossible days. I know I'll always run into low periods, but remembering the light at the end of the tunnel must be the right way to cope with it. Believing that if we just keep going, situations or moods will change. It will never remain impossible for days and days on.


Pain and suffering are temporary unless we dwell on it all the time. Yet, you learn to treasure the good days only when you had those low days reminding you of what's precious. There are two situations when we really learn to treasure something, either we lost it or we never had it in the first place. I would prefer the latter since I'll still have it.

svenne wrote:I guess I stay with the status quo on good days :) And I would like to believe this - that we grow most during pain and suffering - but is it true? I'm just not sure I'm growing from it.
Do you feel like you developed mostly during the hard times?


Well, I think we must see things this way. Let's say you are a young adult and have a number of bad habits that will hurt your future. If you are passing all the courses and graduating without any problems, will you ever change those habits? It's when you are struggling to pass and when you start asking yourself why this is happening that you begin to improve yourself. I honestly think we need to improve ourselves during our good days too. By improving, I meant being more selfless. When you have a good day, try to help someone with a bad day out.

svenne wrote:I like the way you see darkness as a challenge. It makes it less dangerous and more possible to overcome.


As someone who had been loner for much of his life, I have seen darkness in its many forms. Darkness has been portrayed by our society and literature as this evil things that light must triumph over. We must remember that there is no light if there's no darkness. In other words, the darkness is what makes you complete. Lack it and you lose a lot more than you think.

svenne wrote:This is true and I think the self-awareness I've experienced lately is a gift. And it took some pain to get that awareness.


Ironically, it's the pain that teaches us the lesson which we remember. If we get burned on the stove when we were kids, we stayed away from the stove. Lots of people fear pain but I think it's merely another aspect of life. Avoid it and you'll never move forward.

svenne wrote:It helped and soothed me, thanks :) I feel better today.


Sorry for the late reply! I'm happy to chat whenever so PM me if you need someone to talk to. I generally just write a journal to help me get thoughts out of my system. I hope your day is improving day by day! :)
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