should i see a doctor or am i just worrying too much?

I think I might have borderline personality disorder. Or at least something similar to it. I took 3 different online test for it and they all recommended I ask a doctor about it. Then I talked to my psychology teacher about it and he told me I should see a doctor as soon as I can. Normally I would have ignored it and assumed it's just anxiety but I think I might actually have something. I love helping people but anytime I feel like I'm not helping someone, even a little bit, I get depressed and often even suicidal. I've made a few attempts but in the past I always knew I had someone who needed me around, whether it was a girlfriend, my cat, or just a very close friend and this always stopped me from following through. Now I often feel like I don't have anyone who needs me anymore and it makes me feel completely worthless. I find that the worse of a mood I'm in the more reckless I become. When I mess something up and get irritated I literally beat myself Sometimes. When I think I'm losing someone close to me, even if it's obvious that I'm really not, I do everything in my power to avoid it. Sometimes this actually leads to me driving people away. I have a few friends who always come to me to talk about their problems, which brings me a lot of joy, but I never feel I can share my problems with them and I feel terrible about it. They can usually tell when something is wrong and they try to help me but every time I turn them down.

Hello there,

I think you should. I too am in school (studying psychology, ironically) and also have a firm belief I am borderline. Please don't look over these feelings...you have them for a reason and should not devalue what you think might be going on with you. After all, you know you the best! I think the best thing to do is explain to your physician what you're thinking, and request a referral so that you can get an evaluation from a qualified psychologist/psychiatrist. Please feel free to message me anytime, it seems we are on common ground.

I think you should see a doctor, regardless of whether or not you will be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder I think it will be useful as these symptoms are clearly bothering you on a pretty regular basis. Your doctor will have some understanding in providing an initial diagnosis and may refer you on to a therapist who is more specialised in diagnosis/treatment. I don't think you are worrying too much, if these symptoms are reoccurring and giving you such unpleasant feelings regardless it is a good idea to seek help regardless, you don't have to take them on alone!

I have been diagnosed borderline and have largely recovered. There is hope but for me I spent a decade in and out of hospital so the sooner you can get support the better. In the end, the label doesn't matter, only that you are in distress and it is affecting you. I want to caution that not all general healthcare providers will know what they are looking at and misdiagnosis can delay proper treatment. I would encourage you to ask for a referral to a psychiatrist or psychologist and let them do the diagnosing if a clear cut name for what you are experiencing would make you feel better. And remember, there is no harm or shame in asking for help even if you don't fit in any category, but from what you describe it does sound very borderline-like.

I won't say you should or shouldn't see a doctor.

What I'm hearing from you is that you really enjoy having people come and share with you, come and connect with you, but if you have an opportunity to connect with them you feel a wall up, you can't communicate what you wish to. There's not a lot of mutuality in those relationships then, by no fault of anyone (it's not your fault or your friend's fault) instead there's this sense of you wanting and having to help others, and getting nothing in return.

It's hard for me to open up to people as well, and when other share with me I am ecstatic and also uncomfortable, because I know I won't be able to open up to them in the same way they have opened up to me. I deal with a lot of trauma and abuse from my childhood, and I was often told to never express my thoughts, opinions, likes, dislikes, nothing--I was kept silent my entire childhood, and well into my adulthood. So when others share with me, I am incapable of returning the favor. I'm working on it.

I don't know your story, so I won't make any assumptions. I only dropped in to say I feel your pain. Getting a label won't change what you experience. It sounds like things are rooted very deep. When you said it makes you feel worthless when you feel someone doesn't need you, it sounds like there is a deep issue with confidence or self-worth. These are all normal feelings, all of it, whether you receive a label or not, it's all normal. It's disruptive, and hard to deal with, but it's normal. You've identified a lot about yourself, and that will really help you in your journey to getting comfortable with yourself.