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Why I am a truly bad person.

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Why I am a truly bad person.

Postby WhyAmIBad » Thu May 11, 2017 10:43 pm

    y
I am 29 years old, a father of two beautiful young children, a husband to a beautiful selfless wife, liked by most people and thought to be a "real funny and nice guy to be around." The truth is I am the biggest piece of s**t I've ever met. I lie all the time about pointless things, I emotionally, and physically cheat on my wife, and am truly selfish at its most literal definition. Despite my self actualization I don't know why I keep doing these things. I have a truly rooted self hatred within myself for committing these acts so carelessly and during commission virtually guilt free, its not until after do I just add to my self loathing. I am fairly confident that my marriage is over, after 7 years of destroying the once bright and vibrant spirit of my wife, and the only positive thing I've done as a father is illustrate what NOT to be.

I this is not what I want to be so why can't I tell myself "Don't do it, you know how f***ed up it is." I'm stuck I don't know what to do I'm currently in therapy, taking medication for my anxiety field rage episodes. I am at a loss. Why am I truly a bad person??
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Re: Why I am a truly bad person.

Postby SomethingElse » Fri May 12, 2017 6:27 am

Hey WhyAmIBad,

I think that I'm also a bad person... And so I can relate?

Anyways, lets break this stuff down so that we can find practical solutions for them, before you ruin your family or whatever.

The truth is I am the biggest piece of s**t I've ever met

Nope stop it, you are what you say you are. Don't make the excuse that you are inevitably terrible. Your fate lies in your hands only, and god's if you want, but you know what I mean. Try not to think negatively. Funny that this is the first thing you mention, cause your attitude is the first thing you need to change in order for everything else to.

I lie all the time about pointless things

I know you feel that your lies are pointless, but they always have a purpose. Try to figure out if there's a pattern to the purposes of your 'pointless lies'. Is it to uphold some image? To ensure someone thinks about you a certain way, and not in a bad way? If so, try to be honest with that person more often, and see if you can get so comfortably honest with them that you don't feel the need to lie to them anymore.

I emotionally, and physically cheat on my wife

Why is this, is there some unsettled dispute between you and your wife? Do you not feel satisfied and resentful towards your wife because of it? I think that you need to examine the root cause of this in order to stop it. In the meantime, stay away from whatever brings you closer to cheating. Decrease the chance of you cheating by setting yourself up in a way where you can't.

am truly selfish at its most literal definition

I think we're all selfish, but in the case where this is extreme, try a list of gratitude. You know, for everyone around you, I think that if you think of reasons why you should appreciate them, you will be able to consider them and be less selfish.

Despite my self actualization I don't know why I keep doing these things

the realizations are necessary yes, but without the actions to follow up, they will mean nothing. That's why you should make an action plan sheet. Taking things from this discussion and finding practical solutions/actions to be done accordingly.

I am fairly confident that my marriage is over

What if you are able to change, and not only be a decent husband but a really good one? I think that if you had the courage to post this, and expose all these bad parts of yourself, then you will also be able to take the next step in changing. I think that its worth keeping your family together, and being a good parent for your kids that need you now and will need you more later.

Good luck,

Somethingelse
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Re: Why I am a truly bad person.

Postby Midwinter » Fri May 12, 2017 12:44 pm

WhyAmIBad wrote:
    y
I am 29 years old, a father of two beautiful young children, a husband to a beautiful selfless wife, liked by most people and thought to be a "real funny and nice guy to be around." The truth is I am the biggest piece of s**t I've ever met. I lie all the time about pointless things, I emotionally, and physically cheat on my wife, and am truly selfish at its most literal definition. Despite my self actualization I don't know why I keep doing these things. I have a truly rooted self hatred within myself for committing these acts so carelessly and during commission virtually guilt free, its not until after do I just add to my self loathing. I am fairly confident that my marriage is over, after 7 years of destroying the once bright and vibrant spirit of my wife, and the only positive thing I've done as a father is illustrate what NOT to be.

I this is not what I want to be so why can't I tell myself "Don't do it, you know how f***ed up it is." I'm stuck I don't know what to do I'm currently in therapy, taking medication for my anxiety field rage episodes. I am at a loss. Why am I truly a bad person??


Hello. I am a narcissist. I think you might be too. I often times cheat, abuse and feel superior and guiltless, but I still don't know why. You might be in a period of depression, in a state where you can see what you really are.

I suggest you join us on the narcissistic personality disorder forum, and tell us your story.

You are not a bad person. You are just a damaged person.
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Re: Why I am a truly bad person.

Postby helloagain » Fri May 12, 2017 5:57 pm

Here's an extract from a Wikipedia article:
"While narcissists are common, malignant narcissists are less common. A notable difference between the two is the feature of sadism, or the gratuitous enjoyment of the pain of others. A narcissist will deliberately damage other people in pursuit of their own selfish desires, but may regret and will in some circumstances show remorse for doing so, while a malignant narcissist will harm others and enjoy doing so, showing little empathy or regret for the damage they have caused."
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Re: Why I am a truly bad person.

Postby WhyAmIBad » Sat May 13, 2017 2:24 am

Thank you to SomethingElse, Midwinter, and HelloAgain. I posted in the NPD thread anxiety is quite high...
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Re: Why I am a truly bad person.

Postby Midwinter » Sat May 13, 2017 7:28 am

helloagain wrote:Here's an extract from a Wikipedia article:
"While narcissists are common, malignant narcissists are less common. A notable difference between the two is the feature of sadism, or the gratuitous enjoyment of the pain of others. A narcissist will deliberately damage other people in pursuit of their own selfish desires, but may regret and will in some circumstances show remorse for doing so, while a malignant narcissist will harm others and enjoy doing so, showing little empathy or regret for the damage they have caused."


If you refer to me, then yes. I have sadism and ASPD traits included, and I do not feel remorse for abusing others.
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Re: Why I am a truly bad person.

Postby helloagain » Sat May 13, 2017 8:29 am

Midwinter, I was trying to console WhyAmIBad by pointing out that he was not Truly Bad' since he was not malignant. Perhaps he might improve with therapy? I don't know. Thanks for confirming what was written in the article.
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Re: Why I am a truly bad person.

Postby Midwinter » Sat May 13, 2017 12:30 pm

helloagain wrote:Midwinter, I was trying to console WhyAmIBad by pointing out that he was not Truly Bad' since he was not malignant. Perhaps he might improve with therapy? I don't know. Thanks for confirming what was written in the article.


He doesn't sound malignant at all, so I'm sure he can improve to some degree.
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Re: Why I am a truly bad person.

Postby realityhere » Sun May 14, 2017 3:09 am

@WhyAmIBad,

Were you always this self-centered from the time you were 10 yro or did this occur at a later time? Personality disorder, whatever form it takes, usually appears in the formative years by age 5 and becomes more apparent in pre-teen years with more difficult family and social interactions. This is not to say that you're disordered. You certainly had a lot going on in your childhood that can indicate other conditions.

"I have a truly rooted self hatred within myself for committing these acts so carelessly and during commission virtually guilt free, its not until after do I just add to my self loathing."

This feeling may be connected with how you were treated as a child by your primary caregivers, namely your parents. And you gave the military permission, more or less, to do the same. I'm not knocking the military life, it is "family" for those who need a family, as adults, and can be very supportive. But there is a certain culture, as it is in corporate cultures as well, for members to adhere to a certain code. Sometimes there is the implicit, unspoken thinking that if you don't do what the "team" expects you to do, then you're suspect. I don't mean this in the professional aspect of your work, as I understand the military has its rules and professionalism, but this has to do more in keeping with the social and intangible aspect (macho culture?), which is far more ambiguous than anyone wants to guess and is a hard thing to put one's finger on.

Also, pls take into account that you may have first-responder burnout or CPTSD from combat or other duties in your career. Hopefully, you are able to discuss any issues with your therapist.

Best~

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