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Constant Agitation - Hate my life

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Constant Agitation - Hate my life

Postby ndevil152k » Tue Apr 11, 2017 7:43 am

This is my first post on this forum. If this is a wrong forum for this thread, I apologize in advance

This is my story
I am a 36 year old male, self employed and single. I have had no history of physical or mental illness and am not under any kind of medication.

So this started primarily after the passing away of my father in 2014. My father passed away after a prolonged battle with bacterial meningitis and I was besides him at every step.

Over the last couple of years, I stay extremely agitated all the time and feel disconnected from everything. I don't like to talk much and stay away from any social gathering even if that involves my closest friends. Every single thing irritates me, whether that's a knock on the door or the constant chirping of birds outside early in the morning, something that I used to cherish at one time

I have also been having extreme difficult falling and staying asleep. On a good day, the most sleep I get is around 4-5 hrs. I sometimes become anxious over nothing and that affects my sleep and overall sanity.

As for addictions: I am a smoker and have made unsuccessful attempts at quitting in the past. The most I was able to go without smoking was 4 months and the only reason I took it back up was, believe it or not, to maintain my sanity. I became a completely different person when I was off nicotine and my rage was uncontrollable. I had thought that after 4 months of staying smoke free, it would be easy to manage the withdrawals, but apparently it wasn't.

I do drink but maybe once-twice a week, certainly not addicted to alcohol. Don't do drugs or smoke weed.

I feel disconnected from everything. I enjoyed photography and music one time but I have lost interest in those too. I randomly get suicidal thoughts and feel like I have nothing to live for. I am single and have no intentions of getting married in future and would be so better off just leaving this place altogether. I haven't made any suicide attempts yet and one of the reasons for that is I worry about my mom. I cannot make her go through the pain of losing her son at this age. This agitates me even more. It's like something stuck in your throat, can't spit it out and can't swallow either

My rage is affecting everything; not only is it affecting my sanity but it is also affecting the relationship with my family. I hate talking to anyone from my family and become agitated if someone asks me a question twice. I act like a complete jerk and feel guilty about it later.

My memory also seems to have taken a hit but it's only short term memory, like someone would tell me something now and after 5 mins, I would forget about it completely. I cannot concentrate on anything and don't even have the patience now to watch a 2 hr movie.

I am sorry if I am rambling on. I don't even know what I am writing as I have never reached out publicly for help.

I just need to start feeling happy again. I have lots to be thankful for but I have just stopped living. I don't smile and have started despising my life completely. I am the person I hate the most in this world.
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Re: Constant Agitation - Hate my life

Postby Goodboy » Wed Apr 12, 2017 7:33 pm

I have experienced something similar. Everyone around you seems happy but your angry and disgruntled. You start losing interest in everything. You can't focus on anything.

Losing someone close to you often leads to depression.

The good thing though is regular doctors recognize this and can treat it as well. You don't have to go see a psychiatrist.

I would tell them what's happened since the loss of your father.

They will treat you with an antidepressant.

The good news is that there's one that will help you quit smoking as well

It's called Wellbutrinl. That's the only one. Don't consider taking chantax or something similar to quit smoking if you are already experiencing a mental health problem

Of coarse there are other antidepressants that the doctor will suggest, but none of them help you quit smoking.

If you think you could be depressed. Good luck. Hope this helped
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Re: Constant Agitation - Hate my life

Postby moleculeoflife » Fri Apr 14, 2017 6:06 pm

I found some good stuff about quiting smoking: http://flowingfree.org/best-herbs-to-he ... t-smoking/

and they point to an Ebook at the bottom of the text. hope this helps.
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Re: Constant Agitation - Hate my life

Postby realityhere » Fri Apr 14, 2017 7:47 pm

It's depression. Depression symptoms are different in men than in women. Depression in men often shows up as anger, restlessness, impatience with others, insomnia, loss of interest in hobbies, suicide ideation, among a number of other things.

A life event (in your case, your father's death) can trigger a major depression.

Yes, medication like anti-depressants can help mitigate depression symptoms, but counselling with a psychologist who specializes in grief issues can also be helpful at getting to the root of what feelings occurred at the time of your father's dying. Your depression is grief unexpressed.
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Re: Constant Agitation - Hate my life

Postby eterea107 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 10:40 am

I am sorry for your loss.

I think a psychiatrist and a therapist can help you. You posted having no prior physical or mental illness history, but you're having a lot of symptoms, your loss of your father is a major life event that certainly has an impact on how you feel, etc. A psychiatrist will first evaluate you to see if there are any physical conditions causing your symptoms. If nothing physical is indicated, then they will do a full psychiatric evaluation to diagnose your condition and create a treatment plan.

A therapist can help you with emotional support, coping techniques, grief process, smoking cessation, anger management, etc. The two of them will be your treatment team.

Getting a psychiatrist and a therapist will be your best bet, IMO. I think they collectively can be extremely helpful based on your post. Obviously, I can't diagnose.

Of course, if there is a physical cause for a symptom(s)....your psychiatrist will give you a referral to a specialist (neurologist, for example). I really think you should see a psychiatrist ASAP and they can additionally get you a good therapist.

Drinking will make it worse. It's common to self-medicate. But it will make you feel worse, really. No judging.

I disagree with the above advice to see a GP instead of a psychiatrist. GPs have very little qualifications for what you're describing. I do not think a GP can adequately treat you.

Take care
Love yet violence, is yet love. I love you.
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Re: Constant Agitation - Hate my life

Postby Unicornsparkles642 » Fri Apr 21, 2017 5:51 am

Anger or rage are always a symptom of something deeper. It is not the cause of your problems but actually a symptom that you are probably not able to process the core issue(s). Men are often not adept at sufficiently dealing with anything other than anger, which is a manly emotion that's founder to be acceptable by men. If you have not gone through the deep grieving process of losing a parent so young, that could be part of the issue. If you have not allowed yield the deep agonizing cries or pain and anguished over your loss, you are moat lonely bottling thwm up and have turned into a pressure cooker that is venting steam and keeping everything else converted up and under pressure. You also are probably stuck in a rutimely which makes you mad. It sounds like you're even upset with the fact that you don't have the freedom to take your own life. At some point, you're going to have to freak out and let all the rage out, not stuck on a slow and steady simmer. Freak the f out!! Give tossing permission to do it. Go out in a forest by yield and scream all the crap you want to at God or nature or the nothingness. Punch a damn tree. Do something to get it out of you, not shut inside of you.
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