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What should my first step be?

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What should my first step be?

Postby fargo1996 » Tue Apr 11, 2017 4:16 am

I need some advice. The people I am close to are starting to be bothered by some weird behaviors I've had for a long time. I guess I'll describe a bunch and then explain:
I have an extreme fear of being in a house/dorm/job alone. I become overcome with paranoia and weird suspicion that something is going to happen or somebody is going to hurt me. When I was a teenager my parents would leave me home alone so they could go to my brothers lacrosse games. We had an average sized single family home. The moment their car left the driveway I would run room to room making sure every window was locked, cabinet was shut, doors had to be shut, shower curtains open, and I had to be in a room that I could lock the door to with a window I could fit out of. And, I would keep a landline phone with me at all times with 911 already dialed. I would not leave that room until they came back home. If I heard a noise my heart would race and sometimes I'd even throw up from the weird belief that somebody had broken in.To this day I am still like this even in my dorm room. Every night I make sure every door, cabinet, etc. is shut. My bedroom door has to be locked. I have an inherent distrust of people and kind of feel like everyone has a motive to what theyre doing. I have difficulty connecting with people and feel like they think i am weird.

Another weird thing is that I am 22 now, and I still have to sleep with some sort of light on. If I have no lights on there is a 0% chance of me falling asleep. When I was a kid I used to always tell my parents I saw people in my room at night. I still feel like theres a presence in my room if its pitch black. I have a lot of trouble sleeping and have to be fully wrapped in a super thick blanket to be able to sleep.

Finally, I feel guilty a lot. Even without reason or fault I have a weird feeling of guilt. I always feel like I've done something wrong. When I was a kid there was a cop who could come down my street sometimes and I would be 100% convinced he was coming to arrest me and I would cry and freak out until I threw up or fell asleep. Now I constantly feel like I've done something wrong at work.

I've developed more little behaviors and have become more agitated recently. I don't know why, but I notice it too. These behaviors have become more amplified, I constantly feel like somebody is out to get me. I have no idea what to call this. I don't know what it could be, but its obviously abnormal.
My boyfriend wants me to do something about it, but I don't know what. I've been trying to figure out what could be the underlying issue, but I've had trouble finding anything online. I think its paranoia, not anxiety. its totally irrational, and I can recognize that after the fact. but in the moment I cannot think about anything else. I am totally focused on noises, shadows, etc.

Can anybody relate? Do any of you have a confirmed diagnosis? We have a psychiatrist on campus but I am scared to visit. I fear having a mental illness. I don't want people to make assumptions about me.
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Re: What should my first step be?

Postby PerplexedMan » Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:30 pm

Sounds like mild paranoia to me. I used to have this mild strain of paranoia until I had a psychotic episode and had severe paranoid delusions. I recommend that you go see a psychologist about this before it gets worse. Some day you might be stressed out, in emotional turmoil or sleep deprived and your mind would give in. It's a very unpleasant experience to be honest. Go seek help now before it gets worse. But know that either way there is always a solution.

Right now I never have paranoid ideations and I'm very calm. I don't worry about other people's motives or anything like that. So there is definitely hope for you too.
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Re: What should my first step be?

Postby Goodboy » Thu Apr 13, 2017 4:18 am

It's definitely not paranoia but actually just anxiety I don't think it's not nearly close enough to give you even a possible name for your mental health concern. Usually there has to be a lot more criteria than that..

Consult with your psychiatrist on campus. They'll be able to ask you more questions

And who cares if you ask your psychiatrist on campus it's for your own well being, and not anyone else's business. Just like when you go to a regular doctor in sure you don't tell everyone what's going on anyway unless you want them to get involved

Edit. Dependent personality disorder could be related to the anxiety but again let your psychiatrist ask the questions and diagnose you before making an assumption that you have it
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Re: What should my first step be?

Postby Una+ » Thu Apr 13, 2017 1:33 pm

That's anxiety. Standard treatments are some combination of medication and talk therapy. Dealing with problems sooner than later is smart, whether they be mental health or physical health or automobile maintenance.

Anxiety does not just "go away" if you ignore it. Usually if you ignore it then it gets worse and worse, and there are more and more consequences (such as your boyfriend rejecting you), until you cannot ignore it anymore.
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Re: What should my first step be?

Postby ManuelGuevarra » Sat Apr 15, 2017 12:05 am

I would say that your first step when it comes to this problem is to talk to a psychiatrist. good thing is that you are aware of your action and mental thinking, and I think they are right about you. It anxiety that bothers you life.
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Re: What should my first step be?

Postby helloagain » Mon Apr 17, 2017 12:18 am

I think you are suffering from phobia, which is irrational fear. It's not likely to go by itself.Consulting a psychotherapist or psychiatrist will help you. There are various treatments available like talk therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, exposure therapy, and medication to mitigate your problem.
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