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Not depressed or suicidal but dont want to be here

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Not depressed or suicidal but dont want to be here

Postby Hobbit2017 » Mon Mar 13, 2017 10:06 am

Im sorry,i know im posting a lot lately. I dont know why.

Im wondering if others feel the same way on this though.
I am currently not depressed, nor am i suicidal. However, for a long time now i have felt like my time is done. I feel im here now to just bring my kids up and make the most of it while i am still around.
As i say, im not suicidal but i kind of welcome the thought of something happening to bring my life to an end. Im not afraid of it, and quite keen to head over to the other side. That doesnt mean im willing to put myself in harms way.

Im still fairly young, but i really feel like ive done my time. Just remaining to bring my kids up.
This feeling is here constantly and has been for a long time now.

I guess it is playing on my mind as i have mentioned it to a doc recently.
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Re: Not depressed or suicidal but dont want to be here

Postby sunshineNrainbows » Wed Mar 15, 2017 3:12 am

Can you tell us more about this feeling?

For example, do you still want things but feel you won't be able to get them, or do you feel like you are without desire other than doing right by your kids?
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Re: Not depressed or suicidal but dont want to be here

Postby Hobbit2017 » Wed Mar 15, 2017 2:32 pm

I dont understand the feeling really, i dont think. I will explain the best i can.

I wish my time was up, but i understand that it isnt. I dont feel i have any other purpose anymore other than just exisiting for myself and being there for my kids.
I am still able to enjoy and appreciate things in life. I still have motivation to do things.

You know how they say you are here for a reason and once youve completed whatever you are here for, your time is up? (Im not saying thats what i believe, it just sums it up). I feel i have done my bit, and its time to move on. Only i cant move on yet as my kids still need me.

I sometimes wish that wasnt the case and i could just go. I just think im ready, and i dont feel i am meant to be here anymore.

Again...i accept and understand that i am here and so to make the most of it, but it is through force. Not choice.

Maybe at some point i will want to be here? I never ever have though. Even in childhood.
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Re: Not depressed or suicidal but dont want to be here

Postby sunshineNrainbows » Thu Mar 16, 2017 4:12 pm

That seems like a very daunting feeling to be up against. Could you tell us about the some the little problems you experience day-to-day? For example, do you ever have trouble getting motivated to get out of bed? Do you generally feel like you have little control over the events in your life?

I ask because this may help me and others understand why you're experiencing the feeling you've been describing. Additionally, big problems, like a daunting feeling, can often be made up of a bunch of smaller problems. If we can understand what some of those smaller problems are, we may be able to come up with some ideas to help tomorrow be a little better than today.
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Re: Not depressed or suicidal but dont want to be here

Postby Hobbit2017 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 6:48 pm

Day to day problems i face. Theres quite a few ha. If it is due to that, which it very well could be it makes sense.

I suffer bad with anxiety and hate leaving the house. Taking the kids to school etc makes me have to leave.
Its a struggle having to pretend im average on the happy scale and force a smile or a hello to people. Not that it is a big, hard or difficult thing to do - id just rather i didnt have to face any of it.

Ive always said if i could just stay home all of the time perhaps with the odd walk here and there, id be fine.

I dont really have trouble getting out of bed anymore than anyone else. As for little control, i guess my post just now describes me as having no control over what i want to actually do.

Thank you
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Re: Not depressed or suicidal but dont want to be here

Postby sunshineNrainbows » Fri Mar 17, 2017 7:27 am

Do you feel much of the anxiety when you're out of the house and not talking or interacting with people outside your family?
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