Our partner

I feel trapped & hopeless

Open Discussions about how Mental Illness affects your life.

Moderator: Tyler77

*****PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE POSTING HERE*****

When posting on Psychforums.com please try to pick the forum you think best fits your post. If your post would fit in a specialized forum (there are more than 100 forums here) then please post there rather than in the "Living With Mental Illness" forum. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter. Moderators could move your thread without notice if they feel it is fitting better into another forum.

The Mod Team

I feel trapped & hopeless

Postby anz11 » Sun Jan 08, 2017 2:37 am

I don’t know what to do. I am writing this in the hopes that someone else out there may have some words of advice for me. I am home from college on winter break and I have been feeling very dissatisfied. I have had a lot of stress due to a certain person in my life, and my anxiety has made me feel worried, upset, and persistently nervous. This person is constantly on my mind and the toxic nature of our relationship has been majorly disrupting my emotional wellbeing, even though I don’t communicate with or see them on a daily or regular basis. The stress triggers my binge-eating/compulsive overeating habits, which I have engaged in frequently over the break. All of my overeating has made me feel negatively about myself and my appearance, so I have been attempting to count my calories as a way to curb my excessive eating. Thus, when the stress has persisted and I have disallowed myself from engaging in eating as an emotional outlet, I have resorted to literally pulling my hair out along my part. I enjoy pulling my hair out as it releases “feel-good” emotions for me but have started to restrain that behavior again because my hair loss would soon become noticeable to others. Honestly, trying to manage the anxiety and restrain myself from all of my negative coping mechanisms is overwhelming and mentally exhausting. On top of that, I have not been feeling very motivated or interested in anything lately. Nothing sounds fun to me and so I grapple with constant boredom. Activities I used to enjoy instead seem like chores to me. For example, I used to enjoy painting and drawing, but I have been resistant to doing it again because my mind thinks I need to make “good” quality art and that pressure I have placed on myself makes me not want to do it at all. I am slowly getting back into it, trying to tell myself that it is “ok” to just play around with the paint and not worry about producing anything beautiful or “perfect”. For the most part though, I have been sitting on the couch, wasting my days away scrolling through social media on my phone, wishing I had someone else’s body, or talents, or life. I feel like I have so many different problems on my plate right now that I don’t even know where to start to try and get myself feeling better. It doesn’t help that I have no support system of family or friends to go to about my feelings. My family has no idea what problems I even have besides that I go to therapy for them. And I have never felt close enough to any friends to disclose these struggles of mine. I am very unhappy, but I also feel stuck. I have been in therapy for over two years, and no significant progress has happened. My therapist has recommended I try medication time and time again though I have always resisted because that would require communicating with my family, which I felt unable to do. However, lately I have been asking myself when will enough be enough? How much longer will I let myself continue to suffer and why am I allowing this? My therapist has talked about how people might be unwilling to change because they are comfortable in the “known”, even if the known means that they will continue to feel unhappy. She also spoke of catalysts and how perhaps I will not be ready for change until some major event or situation triggers me in such a way to become my catalyst. I really don’t know. I am sick of suffering but also stuck in a rut. I feel trapped in a cage, even though I know that I am also the only one that holds the key. I am the only one who can really advocate for myself and at least try to get the change I need to feel better. I need help though. I need motivation, encouragement, etc. I’m tired of being afraid of my family, that they will judge me. I’m tired of feeling ruled by my emotions, and by food, and by my brain.
anz11
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:54 pm
Local time: Thu Feb 23, 2017 3:04 am
Blog: View Blog (1)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: I feel trapped & hopeless

Postby TheReptileInYourHead » Sun Jan 08, 2017 3:37 am

Hey anz11

i also suffer a creative block, seeking an unattainable perfection in my work.
Art is connected to your emotions, and a neurotic like me is not well connected to emotions, so instead my creativity becomes subject to my neurosis.
Maybe the mind does it to curtail the expression of emotion through art in order not to disturb our delicate psychic balance.

Do you know what past experience(s) caused your emotional dischord?
TheReptileInYourHead
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Jan 08, 2017 2:27 am
Local time: Thu Feb 23, 2017 2:04 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I feel trapped & hopeless

Postby anz11 » Sun Jan 08, 2017 5:20 am

TheReptileInYourHead wrote:Hey anz11

i also suffer a creative block, seeking an unattainable perfection in my work.
Art is connected to your emotions, and a neurotic like me is not well connected to emotions, so instead my creativity becomes subject to my neurosis.
Maybe the mind does it to curtail the expression of emotion through art in order not to disturb our delicate psychic balance.

Do you know what past experience(s) caused your emotional dischord?


Thanks for replying. I have had anxiety and OCD tendencies since childhood, and disordered eating patterns since my early teenage years. Thus, I believe the anxiety/OCD is always the basis of my ever-changing obsessions and fears. Currently, I have been very concerned that the toxic person I mentioned is going to manipulate me. I also have this ongoing obsession with self-sabotage, which is the idea that I am going to impulsively hurt/sabotage myself, even though I have no desire to. For example, I have had thoughts that I might try and slit my throat with my razor, or that I might stuff my face with all the food in the house, or in this case, that I might impulsively allow myself to be taken advantage of or do something with this person that I do not want to do. These thoughts have been causing me a great deal of anxiety lately, even though I can recognize that they are irrational.
anz11
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:54 pm
Local time: Thu Feb 23, 2017 3:04 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: I feel trapped & hopeless

Postby TheReptileInYourHead » Sun Jan 08, 2017 3:46 pm

Self-sabotage is something I struggle(d) with too, it seemed as if a part of me thought I did not deserve to be happy. Incorrect ideas of other people's expectations, taking responsibility for events that were not my fault, a need for acceptance even from malignant individuals, a distorted self image, all these things contributed to self-sabotage. The involuntary destruction of happiness.

The ongoing trick is to be mindful, or aware, of physical sensations when making choices. Your body can indicate your true feelings about a situation, a heavy feeling in your gut, nausea, a sudden sweat or just a general bodily discomfort. Being aware may not be enough to incite change but acknowledging the fact that these negative sensations are linked to making self-sabotaging choices, can help you to begin seeing things for what they truly are.
At least this is what is working for me.

I would like to suggest that your anxiety/OCD is a symptom and not a root cause for other negative behaviours. Have you explored what causes your anxiety and what triggers your OCD?
OCD is a 'masking' behaviour, to distract your mind from dealing with something uncomfortable, seeking the source of your neurosis is something your therapist should be doing.
Has there been progress in that area?
TheReptileInYourHead
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Jan 08, 2017 2:27 am
Local time: Thu Feb 23, 2017 2:04 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I feel trapped & hopeless

Postby helloagain » Tue Jan 10, 2017 12:24 am

Recognising that distress is one aspect of disorder (the other being harm to self/others), find out ways and means of mitigating your distress. Here there is a plethora of methods out of which you can choose the ones that appeal to you the most. I ca cite a few examples: Meditation / yoga/mindfulness, thoughtlessness, thought avoidance/distraction, exercise, music/hobby, social service, outing, gardening, pets, .... the list is endless but your aim should ne to reduce your distress by even a small amount. That will act as a mental booster and pull you out of the rut. also, since you have OCD, irrational doubts will always plague you. Recognise this fact and avoid ruminating even when they make you anxious. You will need to be your own therapist since you will know your mind best. No therapist can help you unless you cooperate actively. Avoid actions that you know will cause distress - overeating for example. Keep light things to eat handy that will make you feel full but won't contribute many calories. Distract your mind from unhealthy temptations.

Well I hope the above advice will be helpful. Cheers!
helloagain
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 213
Joined: Thu Dec 08, 2016 2:18 pm
Local time: Thu Feb 23, 2017 12:34 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Living With Mental Illness Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 174 guests

cron