Our partner

My personality sucks and I hate it. What should I do?

Open Discussions about how Mental Illness affects your life.

Moderators: Otter, quietgirl2538

*****PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE POSTING HERE*****

When posting on Psychforums.com please try to pick the forum you think best fits your post. If your post would fit in a specialized forum (there are more than 100 forums here) then please post there rather than in the "Living With Mental Illness" forum. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter. Moderators could move your thread without notice if they feel it is fitting better into another forum.

The Mod Team

My personality sucks and I hate it. What should I do?

Postby NickValentine » Tue Jan 03, 2017 3:26 am

I wanted to learn more about myself so I took the Big 5 personality test and I'm far from satisfied with my results.

I scored low in extraversion and high in openness to experience. I honestly don't mind these two. The rest however, suck. I scored low in conscientiousness, low in agreeableness, and high in neuroticism.

I have ADD so I think that may contribute to the low conscientiousness score. I also have social and generalized anxiety, so they might be contributing to my high neuroticism. Lastly, I have depression so that may be contributing to my low agreeableness. This all may sound like I'm making excuses, but I'm just trying to understand how I got these scores.

I'm 18 and from what I've gathered, personality, like intelligence, stops developing at 18. If I'm wrong, please correct me, I don't want to be stuck with my terrible personality for the rest of my life.

So, essentially, I want to know if and how I can change my personality.

Please help.
NickValentine
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2017 2:55 am
Local time: Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:30 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: My personality sucks and I hate it. What should I do?

Postby Chainsaw » Tue Jan 03, 2017 2:24 pm

NickValentine wrote:I wanted to learn more about myself so I took the Big 5 personality test and I'm far from satisfied with my results.

I scored low in extraversion and high in openness to experience. I honestly don't mind these two. The rest however, suck. I scored low in conscientiousness, low in agreeableness, and high in neuroticism.

I have ADD so I think that may contribute to the low conscientiousness score. I also have social and generalized anxiety, so they might be contributing to my high neuroticism. Lastly, I have depression so that may be contributing to my low agreeableness. This all may sound like I'm making excuses, but I'm just trying to understand how I got these scores.

I'm 18 and from what I've gathered, personality, like intelligence, stops developing at 18. If I'm wrong, please correct me, I don't want to be stuck with my terrible personality for the rest of my life.

So, essentially, I want to know if and how I can change my personality.

Please help.


You seem to think that ADD, anxiety disorders and depression define your personality. That's not true, these disorders influence how you think, behave and feel in a mostly negative way.

But that hasn't always something to do with you. You could develop depression but you could've been a optimistic person before you got depression. The depression doesn't mean that you aren't a optimistic person anymore, but the depression makes it harder to use that trait.

I'm sure you have a lot more personality traits then you are aware of. Don't let everything depend on one test, try to find things out for yourself.
I've never been a nice person!
User avatar
Chainsaw
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 424
Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2016 5:15 pm
Local time: Thu Aug 24, 2017 9:30 am
Blog: View Blog (10)

Re: My personality sucks and I hate it. What should I do?

Postby BPDloser » Thu Jan 05, 2017 2:53 am

*mod edit*
Last edited by Tyler on Thu Jan 05, 2017 9:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Inappropriate.
BPD
BPDloser
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2017 9:55 am
Local time: Thu Aug 24, 2017 9:30 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My personality sucks and I hate it. What should I do?

Postby Anicca108 » Thu Jan 05, 2017 4:09 am

I would say that BPDloser's view is a bit pessimistic...

I also have BPD, but you can develop your personality.

You can not change who you are, but you can cultivate positive qualities and work on reducing ones that cause you pain.

There has to be an eclectic approach - therapy, nutrition, spirituality, medication...
Theravada Buddhist

Diagnosed with cluster B traits, Anorexia/ Bulimia Nervosa, and an unspecified mood disorder.
User avatar
Anicca108
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2016 3:05 am
Local time: Thu Aug 24, 2017 3:30 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My personality sucks and I hate it. What should I do?

Postby BPDloser » Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:03 am

Anicca108 wrote:I would say that BPDloser's view is a bit pessimistic...

I also have BPD, but you can develop your personality.

You can not change who you are, but you can cultivate positive qualities and work on reducing ones that cause you pain.

There has to be an eclectic approach - therapy, nutrition, spirituality, medication...

No, my dear Buddhist! Anyway, despite my words of wisdom falling foul of the mods, surely you must agree that, because of the reasons I outlined, there must be some hard inner core that all the therapy, medication, self-awareness, and pro-active optimism are never going to penetrate. Even those with normally functioning brains have great difficulty improving themselves; how much harder for people like us?

Humans are difficult things to contort into a new shape; holding an 'unnatural' shape requires effort, stamina, and unflagging determination; and the old, 'natural' one always retains its corrupting allure. This is my experience. I just think an optimistic grasping for lasting, fundamental change should be leavened with empirically demonstrable fact. What say you?
BPD
BPDloser
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2017 9:55 am
Local time: Thu Aug 24, 2017 9:30 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My personality sucks and I hate it. What should I do?

Postby BPDloser » Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:50 am

NickValentine wrote:I wanted to learn more about myself so I took the Big 5 personality test and I'm far from satisfied with my results.

I scored low in extraversion and high in openness to experience. I honestly don't mind these two. The rest however, suck. I scored low in conscientiousness, low in agreeableness,"and high in neuroticism.

I have ADD so I think that may contribute to the low conscientiousness score. I also have social and generalized anxiety, so they might be contributing to my high neuroticism. Lastly, I have depression so that may be contributing...

Please help.

Knowledge is power, Nick. Time and again have I been pleasantly surprised by the power of simple self-awareness to seed positive change. Sadly, though, self-awareness has often only come with time and from compounded negative experience. And there remains the hard fact that unapplied knowledge is useless. As someone famous once said, "as a rule the purchase of books is mistaken for the appropriation of their contents." The mere fact of understanding your own behaviour can lead to a false impression that the hard work has already been done; it is in fact merely a prerequisite. Here is a short vid by Sam Vaknin: https://youtu.be/ENo3Roz4qYQ

As you can see, he is talking about NPD, but I think the same applies to any other personality disorder. hat use is it to understand why you reacted negatively to someone or to a situation if this understanding doesn't lead to improvement over time when similar situations crop up? This for me is the hardest thing, finding out a way to put self-awareness into action, and my failure to do so is an ongoing source of negativity and pessimism.

A second major source of change is simply getting older. As the years tick by, you come to a realisation of how short a human life is, how short your life will be, and that naturally leads you to just become more relaxed about things.

The anxiety and depression: drug them away ASAP. Neither serve any useful purpose; both act to make everything seem worse than it is.
BPD
BPDloser
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2017 9:55 am
Local time: Thu Aug 24, 2017 9:30 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My personality sucks and I hate it. What should I do?

Postby sunshineNrainbows » Fri Jan 06, 2017 7:12 pm

NickValentine wrote:I wanted to learn more about myself so I took the Big 5 personality test and I'm far from satisfied with my results.

I scored low in extraversion and high in openness to experience. I honestly don't mind these two. The rest however, suck. I scored low in conscientiousness, low in agreeableness, and high in neuroticism.

I have ADD so I think that may contribute to the low conscientiousness score. I also have social and generalized anxiety, so they might be contributing to my high neuroticism. Lastly, I have depression so that may be contributing to my low agreeableness. This all may sound like I'm making excuses, but I'm just trying to understand how I got these scores.

I'm 18 and from what I've gathered, personality, like intelligence, stops developing at 18. If I'm wrong, please correct me, I don't want to be stuck with my terrible personality for the rest of my life.

So, essentially, I want to know if and how I can change my personality.

Please help.


If you wish to be different than you are, it'd help to define what kind of person you would like to be. If you're unsure of who you want to be other than being different than who you currently are, you may be experiencing other problems and scapegoating your personality as the cause of those problems. In other words, you feel like crap so everything, even the personality of the person you see in the mirror, looks like crap. The list of things which can make us feel this way is long and can vary wildly from person to person, such as self-disdain being caused by irregular sleep, poor nutrition, lack of exercise, lacking purpose in our lives, feeling like we're not good people, etc. You might find your personality isn't a cause but rather a symptom of a broader problem.

However, if you're serious about shifting your own personality, you can start by defining certain qualities you'd like to exhibit more greatly. Once you've figured out where you'd like your personality to end up, you can start chipping away at your tendencies with questions. For example, if you wish to be more conscientious, the question you would constantly ask yourself is "What would a more conscientious person than myself do in this situation?" Then, and this is the hard part, you would need to will yourself into doing what that more conscientious person would do - to say "I'm going to do what a more conscientious person would do" and then doing it.

This is extremely difficult to do because it involves overriding what you would do more instinctively and what you're accustomed to doing. Our old behaviors are kind of like drugs we've become hooked on. At your age, it is even more difficult because our pre-frontal cortex, the part of our brains we use to say "No, I'm going to do this regardless of how weird or scary it feels", isn't fully developed until we're ~25 years old. The part of your head you would use to change parts of who you currently are is still growing.

In addition to defining who you want to be and asking yourself questions about what that kind of person would do, there are two words you would benefit from making a part of thoughts: "Currently" and "Yet." These words are important because if you attempt to change your personality, you're going to experience a TON of set-backs. When you experience these set-backs, your mind is going to draw conclusions about what those set-backs mean, like "I can't do this" or "I'm just not a conscientious person." These kinds of thoughts are damaging and unavoidable. The trick is to allow them to happen but in a way that is less damaging. This is where "currently" and "yet" come in. Instead of thinking "I can't do this" you can protect yourself from self-sabotage by thinking "I'm not able to do this yet." Instead of thinking "I'm not a conscientious person", you can protect yourself by thinking "I'm not currently a conscientious person." These two simple words work by eliminating permanence - the idea that something is always going to be a certain way, such as an unwanted characteristic. This is important because when we expect to fail, we usually do.

Overall, I'm suggesting you double check whether your personality is as bad as you currently think and if it is, a few tactics for changing your personality through changing the way you act and think. It's important to double check whether your personality is causing you problems because it's also very possible other problems in your life are causing you to blame your personality as the culprit. If it isn't the culprit, you should look into lifestyle changes rather than attempting to alter your personality. If you are looking to make personality changes, I suggest you make them first by defining who it is you would like to be. Secondly, make changes by asking yourself what that kind of person would do and then doing what that kind of person would do. Thirdly, I suggest responding to set-backs by addressing with them with the words "currently" and "yet" to establish how temporary those set-backs are. Ultimately, you're looking to make changes and seek improvements. This will be difficult but the difficulty will only make any improvements you experience more satisfying when you make them.
sunshineNrainbows
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 130
Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2016 5:08 am
Local time: Thu Aug 24, 2017 12:30 am
Blog: View Blog (5)


Return to Living With Mental Illness Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 60 guests

cron