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I'm missing something others have

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I'm missing something others have

Postby MotherHorseEyes » Mon Jan 02, 2017 1:00 am

I'm missing something others have and it's preventing me from having normal social interactions.

It's not confidence. It's not a fake smile. It's not a friendly demeanor. ###$. I don't know what it is but I don't think I can fake it like everything else and it's killing me. It could be charisma, the inborn appeal, and that's something that completely intangible that I can't produce. If anything I have some type of backwards charisma that make people automatically hate me or distrust me.
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Re: I'm missing something others have

Postby caughtinafray » Mon Jan 02, 2017 2:28 am

I, to, am missing something, preventing me from having normal social interactions. Partially, it's my lack of social skills. That, itself, is due in part to me never truly having had the opportunity to develop them, the other reason being the overall ineptitude bestowed on me, with all this mental health "screwed-up-ness" I'm left with.

But other than that, it's the fact that I lack the incentive to strive for friendships, even though I'd like to have them and I know they'd be beneficial to me.

--- My two cents, I guess.
DX: Asperger Syndrome, ADHD, Bipolar type 2 | suspecting BPD

UTC -5:00 North America (EST) | INTP/ISTP | Empathy Quotient: 14/80

“To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.”
    --- Friedrich Nietzsche
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Re: I'm missing something others have

Postby UnderMind » Mon Jan 02, 2017 9:14 am

Hi all! You are certainly not alone as I feel the same way. There are social cues that I regularly do not pick up on and it is extremely difficult for me to start a conversation or maintain one.

Recently I have been trying to accept that I am imperfect and cannot be good at everything. I try to maintain the relationships that I do have and not to worry too much when I make a social blunder such as just standing there on the edge of a circle of friends or failing to provide an interesting response when someone inquires about my life.
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Re: I'm missing something others have

Postby Brokenmediocrity » Mon Jan 02, 2017 9:34 am

At first I thought this would be some kind of riddle but then you gave a hint at the end. "Backwards charisma" you feel very alienated due to social incompetence yet you are not aware of the nuances of your incompetence, is that correct? Curious whether this is lifelong or a more recent occurrence. If the former, have you researched high-functioning autism or Asperger's? If the latter, you are likely depressed and experiencing depersonalization. I cannot gauge by your post whether anxiety is a factor. Would you mind elaborating a bit?
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Re: I'm missing something others have

Postby MotherHorseEyes » Mon Jan 02, 2017 2:00 pm

Brokenmediocrity wrote:At first I thought this would be some kind of riddle but then you gave a hint at the end. "Backwards charisma" you feel very alienated due to social incompetence yet you are not aware of the nuances of your incompetence, is that correct? Curious whether this is lifelong or a more recent occurrence. If the former, have you researched high-functioning autism or Asperger's? If the latter, you are likely depressed and experiencing depersonalization. I cannot gauge by your post whether anxiety is a factor. Would you mind elaborating a bit?


Dammit. The autism thing again. I run and it always finds me lol. I think it's time I start becoming used to the idea that I may be autistic in someway.
Yes, it's long term I've been experiencing this my whole life, I get bad anxiety around people but I don't think you could tell if we having a conversation. In attempts to appear more normal I would try to be more emotive but if I didn't have the energy or just wasn't in the mood it just made me appear more of an awkward person. Basically it's a battle of balance, how much "fakeness" do I add to make me less of a target. I have to be fake because if I was my true self in public it'd be pretty nasty since there's so much chaos going on inside of me.
Eh, that's a bit of it. I think I do have depersonalization issues, since I can't be my real self in the outside world it makes it all unreal to me.
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Re: I'm missing something others have

Postby Brokenmediocrity » Mon Jan 02, 2017 5:26 pm

What is your "real self" that you have to work so hard to hide? How would you act if you were not being "fake"?
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Re: I'm missing something others have

Postby 9PainfullyAware9 » Mon Jan 02, 2017 11:17 pm

I feel similar.

But what you are most likely "missing" is self worth and self esteem. People tend to pick up on how we feel about ourselves by the way we act and they treat us accordingly.

Remember that you are worthy of love and respect just like everybody is. It's ok to be different - screw what others think.

It seems to be a matter of honestly getting a look at my defects and assets. Working on diminishing your defects and building and embracing your assets.
And yes we All have assets - equal amounts of both assets and defects whether we see them or not.

Every human being on this planet is neither better than or less than another.

..... easier said than believed though.
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Re: I'm missing something others have

Postby MotherHorseEyes » Tue Jan 03, 2017 4:08 am

Brokenmediocrity wrote:What is your "real self" that you have to work so hard to hide? How would you act if you were not being "fake"?

I'd be more honest, rude and blunt. I wouldn't have to fake any emotions. I'd get angry when I want to and not hold back. That's it I guess.

-- Tue Jan 03, 2017 12:08 am --

Brokenmediocrity wrote:What is your "real self" that you have to work so hard to hide? How would you act if you were not being "fake"?

I'd be more honest, rude and blunt. I wouldn't have to fake any emotions. I'd get angry when I want to and not hold back. That's it I guess.
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Re: I'm missing something others have

Postby Brokenmediocrity » Tue Jan 03, 2017 4:11 am

Yeah, it sounds to me like you have some symptoms of Asperger's. You should get yourself evaluated and then you can get some counseling to help with social skills. Don't beat yourself up. Not your fault, not a character deficit. You deserve to have a better life.
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Re: I'm missing something others have

Postby MotherHorseEyes » Tue Jan 03, 2017 4:17 am

Brokenmediocrity wrote:Yeah, it sounds to me like you have some symptoms of Asperger's. You should get yourself evaluated and then you can get some counseling to help with social skills. Don't beat yourself up. Not your fault, not a character deficit. You deserve to have a better life.


Huh? Tell me what you gathered and why you think I have asperger's. You were pretty accurate about some of these things in the past with me.
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