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What should I do? *TRIGGER WARNING*

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What should I do? *TRIGGER WARNING*

Postby Sirenallley » Tue Nov 29, 2016 4:41 am

Hello.

So I have this really weird problem that sprang up recently and I'm not sure what it is, how to fully express it, or what to really do about it.

So I was watching a horror movie called The Thing(Look it up if you really want or don't know it), and thought nothing of it. Just a relatively idolized film for it's shock value and suspense.

But then I started getting a little too into it and thought of something: What if there's an organism out there in the universe that's similar to The Thing? what if it's actually real?(Note similar as in Aliens, The Flood, etc other seemingly fictional but similar organisms).

Then came a downward spiral of me just completely isolating myself even more than usual, and becoming overly suspicious of every little thing. I near-completely can't trust people in person, but I force myself too because I have no other choice.

I hide whatever issues I may have well enough. No one around me actually suspects anything.

I spent hours googling stuff about the possibility of how these nightmares could be real, did googling on how viruses work, etc basically did a binge of what a hypochondriac would do w a medical dictionary.

I've had stuff like this happen before, but the exact focus was different. It always ends with either.

A.Fear of Global Catastrophe

or

B.Fear of my body(the only link I have to this world) being overrun or otherwise rendered against my control.

Both have to do with the fear of the unknown and the fear of death(as the root of all fears anyhow).

Is this some type of phobia? OCD maybe? Paranoia? or maybe even delusions or something similar? Doesn't seem all that delusional or paranoid if this massive universe can indeed have some messed up stuff in it(Humanity's Ilk notwithstanding).

I want to completely isolate myself. Maybe even suicide one day or something. Or travel far off.

This is recent, but the general feelings of discontent, annoyance, anger, and the uneasiness and the derealization have been for a long time.

Any good science websites I could use to figure this out? These possibilities? Any advice on how to stop caring about these thoughts?

I'm open to any suggestions. I'll describe things more accurately should the need arise.
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Re: What should I do? *TRIGGER WARNING*

Postby Oliveira » Wed Nov 30, 2016 8:47 am

Hello,

we're not objective when it comes to self-analysis. My doctors told me I have extremely high self-awareness but in the last year or so it seems to kick in a few weeks late – like, I realise I've been acting extremely weird in the last month and still often I don't know how to un-weird myself.

I would definitely recommend speaking to a professional about it. We can't diagnose you here anyway. And from my experience online "do you have [disorder name] test" things ALWAYS say yes. I think the only one that told me I did not have it was a test for bipolar. (I have been diagnosed with bipolar four years ago and have an extremely nasty version of it...) So definitely a 3D conversation with a psychiatrist would be my advice.
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Re: What should I do? *TRIGGER WARNING*

Postby obsess » Wed Nov 30, 2016 12:07 pm

No one can diagnose on a forum but what you're explaining sounds like common symptoms of anxiety and OCD and the over thinking that comes with that. Fear of dying (and deterioration on the way to dying) are the case of all of my phobias. I have body dysmorphic disorder, hypochondriasis, panic disorder, OCD, perfectionism, etc etc. But I know the root cause of absolutely all of it is fear of losing control, deteriorating and ultimately dying. As there are many ways to die, or lose control/have your only connection to this world damaged or incapacitated, that opens the doors for many different phobias and obsessions if you are anxious/obsessive.
29, female, divorcing+in a relationship, INFJ.
Medical Dx - BDD, OCD, Panic disorder/GAD, Depression, Perfectionism, Alcoholism, Derealisation.
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Re: What should I do? *TRIGGER WARNING*

Postby primaryparticipant » Sat Dec 03, 2016 1:03 pm

Hmm, this may or may not be related but I went through a phase when I was acutely aware of all the possible ways civilization could collapse and/or I could be personally wiped out by a random accident. This lead to a certain existentialism which believe it or not actually resulted, after years, in a great appreciation of "the moment", which has lasted to this day. I'd like to suggest that it is the very fact that our reality is so damn precarious, that also makes it so precious. And while most people might live in a state of blissful ignorance, the fact that you are hyper aware of the world's problems could in some way be honed into a strength. I'm not saying that it will be easy, I'm just suggesting that it might be possible :)
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Re: What should I do? *TRIGGER WARNING*

Postby OMNICELL » Sun Dec 04, 2016 12:07 am

Can you visualize something you have always wanted to be! What turns you on! what makes your lights go on! are you living your dream! or; just " as is"!
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Re: What should I do? *TRIGGER WARNING*

Postby Sirenallley » Mon Dec 05, 2016 2:23 am

primaryparticipant: Lol. Realistic paranoia be honed into a strength? I can't do that, sorry. The only way I can live in the ''now'' is if the ''now'' is either fun or already looking bleak. My life as it is now is, although decent, definitely far from exciting or ''###$ it'' screwed.

OMNICELL: Well, I've always wanted to create a bio virus and enslave all life on this planet to do my bidding, and eventually spread out into the cosmos.

But that's too autistic I suppose. Video Games eh? :oops:

Other than that it's the typical get therapy and it's OCD/Anxiety. Although I do appreciate the responses, still.

Are all issues really marginalized into such pathetically small and basic forms?
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Re: What should I do? *TRIGGER WARNING*

Postby Oliveira » Mon Dec 05, 2016 11:12 am

Sirenallley wrote:Are all issues really marginalized into such pathetically small and basic forms?

If I understand your comment correctly, yes. We are not as special as we think we are. When I was speaking to my God (long story involving LSD) I asked "am I special?" and he responded "of course you are! just like everybody else". The amount of people whose issues are TRULY unusual is very, very, very minuscule – like Caspar Hauser for instance.

Well, I've always wanted to create a bio virus and enslave all life on this planet to do my bidding, and eventually spread out into the cosmos.

I have to admit this is very unusual though and sounds like you've got a book to write in you!
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