What's wrong with me?

When I'm talking to people I feel like I'm not really there and not really speaking. It's not scary like depersonalization, but more of a sad hopeless feeling like I can't connect with people or maybe don't want to. I'm known to be a very quiet person and have very few friends. When I was younger I really wanted to have a best friend but didn't really know how so I never did. When I felt like I had a good friendship with someone they always seemed to have found someone else that was more exciting, more fun. Now I'm thinking that maybe the reason they moved on was because I wasn't making connections in the same way the new friends were by being vulnerable and contributing opinions, beliefs to the friendship. Regarding friendships, I feel like I've given up even trying to connect because it's never worked for me before.
I never felt like I had a solid opinion about many things. Often I just don't care that much about anything to have an opinion, so therefore I don't have much to contribute to a conversation. I realize now that I used to try to be the most beautiful or the weirdest or the funniest or the smartest one in different situations. Not because I wanted anyone to tell me that I was those things but maybe just so I felt adequate. When I catch myself doing these things now I honestly hate it so much and wish that I could just act and feel normal like everyone else.
When I'm out with people one on one, half the time I feel like it's pointless and I don't know why I'm even there because I don't feel satisfied with it. I take more pleasure in watching people have a conversation than actually taking part in a conversation. I feel super awkward with people a lot of the time.
I get really jealous even when I know that logically there's nothing to be jealous about. For example, when my girlfriend is with her friends, I'm on edge pretty much the whole time that she's gone. I feel super guilty about this and wish that I didn't. I want her to be happy and healthy but I feel like my jealousy is toxic and I have an urge to leave the relationship when I feel like this. I have trouble with knowing whether I love her or not. I want to. I feel like I do sometimes, but I don't want to leave, so I'm just really confused and upset because I feel like no matter what I do I'm going to be a cause of pain for myself and for her. I'm also confused about my sexuality and it makes we worried that it's not morally ok to be with her if I'm not actually lesbian. But I like being with her, so I don't know what to think.
Last summer I was diagnosed with OCD because I had an obsession that I thought I was going to hurt people and couldn't control myself. It's under control now though and I don't have that obsession anymore. But the OCD doesn't explain all of my other symptoms. I just want to feel normal and satisfied with my life but I don't know if I ever will. I think about suicide quite often especially when my symptoms feel like they are too much to manage. But also, there's times when I don't even think about this and just have a good time with people.
Oh also it's probably an important thing to mention that mental illness is huge in my family. My mom was diagnosed with Axis 2 Personality disorders (borderline, narcissistic, antisocial and histrionic), bipolar disorder and seasonal affective disorder as well as alcohol and cigarette addictions. A large portion of my family (immediate and extended) are alcoholics and have bipolar disorder.
If anyone has insight on this it would be HUGELY appreciated. If you read that, thanks so much.

Nothing is 'wrong' with you, but I suggest you take this info to professionals if you want answers.