Our partner

Father Angry and Depressed - Impacting my life as adult

Open Discussions about how Mental Illness affects your life.

Moderator: Otter

*****PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE POSTING HERE*****

When posting on Psychforums.com please try to pick the forum you think best fits your post. If your post would fit in a specialized forum (there are more than 100 forums here) then please post there rather than in the "Living With Mental Illness" forum. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter. Moderators could move your thread without notice if they feel it is fitting better into another forum.

The Mod Team

Father Angry and Depressed - Impacting my life as adult

Postby DixieDoodle78 » Wed Apr 29, 2015 1:19 am

I was not sure where to post this question so I thought I would start on this category of the forum.

Both of my parents are in their mid-60s. I am an only child and grew up with an emotionally abusive yet emotionally unavailable father. My mother stayed in the marriage with his abuse and several affairs until she left after 34 years of marriage. Now they live separately and are better off apart and talk occasionally.

As an adult, I am starting to see how my father's treatment of me has impacted my life. I am not sure what to diagnose him with to get a clearer understanding. He was always a negative person and got worse with age. He would criticize me and my mother, belittle us, nothing was good enough and would go on yelling rages. Or then he would go to other extremes and just withdraw and spend lots of time in the garage. We did not do family outings or vacations or just simply exist together.

He cut himself off from his family and always says the whole world is a bunch of takers, losers and he is smarter than anyone else. Not that I am blaming my father but I do think his treatment has impacted me. Even though I am a working professional with a masters degree, I always feel like I am not good enough, worthy enough or even know how to ask for what I want.

I do visit my father weekly and these visits are draining and horrible. Nothing is a positive and he has trouble making conversation. Always negative and never thinks of the bright side. On one hand, I feel sorry for him because he is alone, yet I know he did it to himself. My mother has been battling brain cancer for about a year and it frightens me that I may be left "alone" with my father after she is gone. He never thinks about being hopeful about Mom's condition and always fixates on the next scan for potential bad news or dreading about what may happen with family members trying to take advantage of me when Mom dies, etc.

What puzzled me in life was that my father could be so nice to outsiders/strangers, yet he was horrible to his own family. So I feel like I always got to prove myself if someone else doesn't warm up to me or that I am the one who is lacking.

What disorders/depression would you say my father has and any advice for this adult child?
DixieDoodle78
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 7:26 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 2:17 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Father Angry and Depressed - Impacting my life as adult

Postby elanordes » Wed Apr 29, 2015 5:48 am

Minus a few points, you've described my father almost exactly. My father is a narcissist, he was(is) emotionally, financially and verbally abusive to me and my family. He was emotionally distant as well.
Between him and my moms family, I was emotionally stomped on from birth, I was never good enough, I was the girl, I wouldn't be good for anything. I'm 23 now and I have massive issues, some I didn't realize I had and others I've been dealing with for years.

People like that, they're vampires. The feed off of you, your emotions, your distress. Sucking you dry til you're a shriveled up shell.

I would look into narcissism and recovering from emotional abuse. This stems from your childhood, it's going to take a long time to fix. I would also distance yourself from your father as well. Limit the contact and build up your emotional strength. You may find that you have to go no contact, it's hard but for your mental and emotional well being it may have to be done. You might even want to see a therapist and see if they can help you.

I hope this sheds some light on your situation. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope your mother gets better!
elanordes
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 78
Joined: Fri Oct 17, 2014 7:59 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 2:17 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Father Angry and Depressed - Impacting my life as adult

Postby DixieDoodle78 » Wed Apr 29, 2015 12:00 pm

Thank you so much!

I really appreciate the guidance and good start!

Just remember, awareness is the first important step and best of luck to you in
your journey of self improvement and discovery. Keep in touch if you want.
DixieDoodle78
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 7:26 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 2:17 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Living With Mental Illness Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 6 guests