I was not sure where to post this question so I thought I would start on this category of the forum.
Both of my parents are in their mid-60s. I am an only child and grew up with an emotionally abusive yet emotionally unavailable father. My mother stayed in the marriage with his abuse and several affairs until she left after 34 years of marriage. Now they live separately and are better off apart and talk occasionally.
As an adult, I am starting to see how my father's treatment of me has impacted my life. I am not sure what to diagnose him with to get a clearer understanding. He was always a negative person and got worse with age. He would criticize me and my mother, belittle us, nothing was good enough and would go on yelling rages. Or then he would go to other extremes and just withdraw and spend lots of time in the garage. We did not do family outings or vacations or just simply exist together.
He cut himself off from his family and always says the whole world is a bunch of takers, losers and he is smarter than anyone else. Not that I am blaming my father but I do think his treatment has impacted me. Even though I am a working professional with a masters degree, I always feel like I am not good enough, worthy enough or even know how to ask for what I want.
I do visit my father weekly and these visits are draining and horrible. Nothing is a positive and he has trouble making conversation. Always negative and never thinks of the bright side. On one hand, I feel sorry for him because he is alone, yet I know he did it to himself. My mother has been battling brain cancer for about a year and it frightens me that I may be left "alone" with my father after she is gone. He never thinks about being hopeful about Mom's condition and always fixates on the next scan for potential bad news or dreading about what may happen with family members trying to take advantage of me when Mom dies, etc.
What puzzled me in life was that my father could be so nice to outsiders/strangers, yet he was horrible to his own family. So I feel like I always got to prove myself if someone else doesn't warm up to me or that I am the one who is lacking.
What disorders/depression would you say my father has and any advice for this adult child?