Open Discussions about how Mental Illness affects your life.
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Waiting for the other shoe to fall off in my relationship with my wife. Things seem to be going good for now and my wife is ok with me at the time. This is usually the time when I do something to affect my wife or my family to make them want to throw me out or yell at me for doing something wrong.
I can say that having things somewhat going good is very uneasy for me to handle. Coming from a past childhood of day to day pain and suffering inflicted by my parents and my relatives makes me on edge now.
I now am aware of these situations and feel compelled to stir up the pot and get the ball rolling. I don't know if its something that make me feel aware or better inside or is it a drug that I need to get a quick fix to get by on.
So many questions going on right now in my life that I don't have the answers for yet. Still I search deep inside to try to find a place that gives me the strength to carry on and be happy with myself.
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Sometimes what can happen is that we become accustomed to living a certain way. You say your childhood was one of uncertainty, instability, pain and suffering inflicted on you by your parents. This would affect your development growing up and create an image of what family life is, how we should interact with others and how to treat family members etc. You saw this as a normal life for you, and now that you have some sort of stable environment with your wife, you may be unconsciously thinking this isn't normal for me, so you feel the need to stir the pot because that is what you had been taught directly and vicariously in your childhood by the way your parents interacted with each other and with you.
This only my opinion and Im no expert on the matter, but if you feel like this is affecting the way you interact with your family, then try to seek professional advice from a therapist if you haven't already done so to help you sort it all out. Good luck.
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