AnnaD112 wrote:If was not "underage" why would he even care if his mom knew? The nicest thing you can do for anyone younger than 18 is not to tell their parents about anything. Their parents are able enough to destroy their entire lives without any extra weapons.
this sounds like you are underaged. most parents only want to help their children, not "destroy their entire lives."
Yes but the fact that parents want to help them out doesn't mean they will always do it effectively, which is why it's harder to tell them. Parents tend to overreact, even when they actually do sit down and calmly talk to you, their mind is generally overthinking similar situations they've been through, considering therapy, how would it look if other parents found out.
Parents may even consult other people in the family so the situation doesn't get past the family walls. But then aunt/uncles/cousins find out about this one thing and the poor kid suddenly has people talking about him and he has no idea.
And if the parents don't want to let it go past immediate family, at times they will be tempted to use it as leverage to get the kid to do what they want. Unintentionally at most times, but it's more 'i have something over your head' "you're a good kid but..."
You're probably thinking from a parent's perspective and that makes sense i agree with you, but i'm speaking from the effects of telling a parent. It's two seperate things, and if you're a parent that has an open communication system with you're child, then great. But not all do, and we have no idea how it is with this guy. and if he asked her not to tell his mom, then it's not as clear as you idolize it to be.
When the guy is confortable with telling his parents and has the support behind him to do so, he will, or at least he might. It's easier to come to a source that will have a more predictable reaction than to tell a parent and have them trust you less, or worser yet, be disappointed in you.
Let him build support behind him. Let him try to figure out what's going on, because it's based on his comfortability level, not what you assume it is. When it feels right, he will act accordingly so.