Living with IED

My stepson is in a juvenile detention center about ready to be shipped off to bootcamp, he has IED, and ODD, does anyone besides me feel bootcamp is not the way to go here????

I'm 24 years and I have been having the symptoms of IED for over a year now. I never new anything about it. I just started to think that maybe I was just going crazy. It hurts me to think about this, because I haven't had the courage to talk to anybody about what I have been dealing with. Well, last night I had an episode. It was the last straw for me. So I stayed home from work today to do some research. I don’t if this is what I have for sure, but I’m just trying to figure out what to tell my doctor. Please if anyone has advice send it right away.

Nike-
I too have recently been diagnosed with IED my theripist, psychiatrist and myself are trying to narrow this down. So at first I was diagnosed by my theripist with borderline personality disorder which has almost the same symptoms of IED( more relationship oriented though) also I was diagnosed with moderate reacurrent depression disorder and ADD without hyperactivity. Now I seen the psychiatrist and he believes it's not so much the BPD it's more of this IED that is the cause of the anger and emotions going wild. He has started me on Depakote I have been taking it for 6 days now and I can almost feel as though I am begining to level out a little more. The DEpakote is a mood stablelizer and is supposed to take the rage feeling off, its supposed to work really good for this disorder. well I realize I am rambling now so I will go. To all of you out there struggling with this or know someone who is hang in there, and if anyone has any questions what so ever feel free to ask I have been doing a lot of research on the topic so I can probably help you out, and for those with a loved one suffering I can probably help you understand more of what they are going through. nike I will join ur support group . Feel free to e-mail me at any time. abby032800@yahoo.com

IED was new to me when I first met my husband. I did not understand why he is such a sweet person for days and suddenly everything turns bad and ugly with the slightest provocation.

I loved my husband very much but the thought of living the rest of my life on the edge, not knowing when my nightmare would occur has caused me a near nervous breakdown.

He is aware of his problems and have done a lot of research on it. Unfortunately, he has not seek any help except to try very hard to control his emotions while I try very hard to avoid provocation.

He has damaged home items at home, threw things at me and even hit me. After that, he feels very guilty and tried to be nice to me, although he never apologised for his actions.

I have warned him that if he ever hits me again, I will go to the police and leave him for good. I know he is trying very hard but it hurts to see him out of control, knowing that it is not the real him.

We are planning to start a family soon and I am extremely worried that one day, he may even cause harm to our child.

Any advise?

Fifi, I am so relieved to find someone who is living the same situation I am and also wondering what will happen when we have children. We are to marry this coming summer and the outbursts have been more frequent, but not more violent.

Everything is good for a rage outburst: our cats eating a plant, a question concerning the wedding reception ... I have been able to get him to calm down by staying calm myself and requesting words to be put on the anger, in a low voice tone. If I am not able to get that I simply leave the room (and take the cats with me).

This morning I woke up to an anger outburst (what a way to start the day !) and we've decided to face things and try to find a solution. I cannot think about having children and with the fear he will hit them when out of control. I did not know about IED before. I hope he will accept this definition as a possible explanation for his attitude and use explore options for a more happy and relaxed life.

For those who have IED and could offer some advice, please do.

I just discovered this site tonite... my son is 20, he has had Add since the first grade... We had 12 hard years in school. at times I thought he would never finish. He has been to all types of Dr. and some special learning centers. About a year ago, after seeing several different dr.'s though the years, a dr. said he had intermittent explosive disorder. We never understood his behavior. He would get mad and destroy things. Mostly his auto's. He gets mad and breaks the windshields. Or puts his fist through things. One nite he called, his car broke down, when I arrived all the windows in his Blazer were broken out. He has a history of speeding tickets. He has been on several different med's thur out the years, but they never seemed to help. Plus he wouldn't take them right. We have spent thousands of dollars on dr.'s and medications. New years eve this year I finally saw one of his fits, acts whatever you want to call them.. I was afraid for him and myself. He was totally out of control. It has been 13 days now and I can not get it out of my mind. All I can do is cry and worry about him. I"m afraid he is going to hurt himselve or someone else. He was like a mad man. He said horrible things to his Dad and me... His girlfriend had made him mad. I do not know all the story, but it doesn't matter what ever happened, his actions were wrong.
He did make a Dr.s appointment on his own and went, and he is on med's again. 3 different ones. Which is scarey. And the Dr. will not discuss his visits with us, because he is 20 yrs. old. No one understands this is a medical problems. His father and sister, think he is just spoiled and self centered. I don't want to defend him, I know he is wrong about so many things, but I also understand he has a medical problem. I just want my son to be happy and have a decent life. There is so much more but I do not want to bore anyone.. I guess I am writing this to vent, and let others out there know , their not alone. I just pray daily, that God will help him and let him find a way to have happiness and peace in his life... I worry so much, I will not always be here to help him. I feel like I'm the only one that loves him and wants to help him.. He is worth helping and saving. My heart hurts for anyone who has this disorder. And I can't understand why... If I could only take his pain away, if he could just have a normal life...He is a good kid, just so lost. You have to be able to understand the disorder to be able to understand him. Thank you for listening....

Begpam,

I know what you are going through. Each time my husband acts up, I vent my frustrations by writing my feelings and thoughts in my diary. It really helps to keep a record of how often it happens and what triggered the attack. It also helps to relieve the hurt in my heart.

No one understood why I put up with his behaviour but I love him very much and know that it is not the real him.

Once while we were driving and he suddenly act up. He drove so fast that I thought my life was going to end. He almost got into trouble when he challenge another driver to stop and fight, when the other driver got ahead of him.

When it was all over and he was back to his old self, I tried to reason with him. He knows his problem and he is trying very hard to control himself.

He tends to be more stable when he is in a familiar environment where things are predictable. You can help by observing the trend of his mood swings. When you see one coming, do whatever it takes to put things right. It can be a tiring job but love helps.

Good Luck!

There are people here who are themselves experiencing this disorder, and there are those that are experiencing it 2nd hand as loved ones.

Fifi's description is almost exactly the same as mine, I read it and just couldn't believe I was reading it. It enforced a little in me that this is something that we can try to work through.

I think this is great to have a forum where it can be discussed by both affected sides. It seems to me that this could be very beneficial and therapeutic for all to discuss our feelings and experiences. (thank you for this forum and opporunity!)

Which leads me into some questions I have.

For those of us who are experiences it second hand with a loved one, the times when you are able to notice aggitation and the signs that they are about to lose control, how do you manage to divert the situation? and for those experiencing it, is there anything that you've been able to recognize that helps you to gain better control?

I am usually able to notice when the situation is getting out of hand early, yet I don't feel I am doing enough to help divert it. If I leave the room, sometimes that works, yet other times it sets off a "switch" that only irritates him to the point of extreme rage directed at me. I've actually started just saying "NO, no I will not participate in this, I love you very much, you aren't yourself right now and fighting won't help anything, it just hurts." then I leave the room. Obviously this has had mixed results as the approach is somewhat direct. At times he will stay in the room and cuss to himself, slam things around, he used to take it out on the dogs, but now they follow me like a shadow (for protection? I'm not sure if they are protecting me or seeking protection from me). Other times he will follow me with intent to hurt.

If I stay in the room, it usually is worse, no matter how calm and non-irritated I try to look, he presses on me that something is wrong and it snowballs from there, no matter what I say. I've tried many different approaches, most of which are very benign as not to raise his defenses.

I have a lot of patience and am willing to work through this with my husband, I love him. Yet I also am deeply affected by violence and anger, I try very hard to maintain control of my emotions (fear, despair, confusion, hurt) when these episodes occur. Understanding what is happening with him is helping me a little with dealing with it (and every little counts.)

And when they are over? He's caring, loving, kind, sweet, thoughtful, smart... Its so hard to reconcile the two people within him.

marie

Marie,

I fully understand the situation you are in, because I have exactly the same sentiments as you do.

Once he burst out when one of our dog tried to show his displeasure when my husband was trying to play with him. He chased the dog around the house with a golf club. I was so worried that he may accidentally kill our dog. Since then, our dog has been following me like my shadow. Obviously, the dog is so scared of him. Once my husband was playfully hugging me and my dog thought that he was trying to hurt me, and started to bark!

After 4 years, I am very good at detecting the early signs of his forthcoming outburst. I try very hard to cool him or divert his attention. Most of the time, it can only reduce the anger but it doesn't go away totally because he needs a release. I noticed that he needs some time to get his anger out and then a platform to return to his normal self.

So, I will let him have his say and be very agreeable. Then, create an opportunity for him to return to normal. This is only a temporary measure until the next wave comes.

My husband knows his problem and he is trying very hard to curb and control himself. It helps very much that he admits that he has a problem.

Each time the wave starts, I shiver with cold fear in my heart as I do not know whether its going to be a small one or a big wave! Yes, the feeling of despair, hurt, pain.. all comes along but I have grew to be very tolerant and patience. This helps. Finally, we all know that such problem requires professional help but... perhaps we are kidding ourselves that one day, all this will disappear forever....