Pretty sure my mum has Hypocondria

Alright this is going to be a long post so I apoligize in advance.

I'm a 20 yr old male and I live with my mum and I believe we have a very unhealthy relationship, we don't tell eachother anything and we intentionally keep things from eachother - the only thing she ever talks about is how shes not feeling well. My mum for the past 2 yrs has constantly been going from doctor to specialist to doctor to more specialists. It all started when we moved about 2 yrs ago she would stop going on her walks (the area is not as nice to walk around) and she started watching a lot more TV, I also believe her and her boyfriend may have broken up around the same time (she doesnt tell me much).

Now she is a school teacher and takes A LOT of time off work, I don't know how she gets away with it - she must get paid less or something. Everytime she is home, it never seems like an entirely legitimate problem, it's always something like 'i can feel a migraine coming on' or 'i have these really awful pains in my stomach' and she will sit there looking fine watching TV or even go down to the mall. She also complains mainly about muscle weakness and fatigue making me carry things which arent very heavy at all to her car (literally 10m from the lounge room to the garage) - for instance her laptop. This isn't like im standing around when she goes to her car, she will call me from upstairs to come do it. I dont understand this as she seems to do other more physically demanding things (putting the bins out, throwing around heavy pans in the kitchen). Now her reasoning for not going on her walks was due to uncountable complaints, like sore wrists, sore legs, sore hip, sore back etc.. However every time she went to a physio they would give her exercises to help strengthen them and it would never work. Eventually she saw someone about her hip and he did a scan which showed minor case of something which can be fixed with surgery. So she decided she wanted to get the surgery even though I knew 100% that nothing would change. Anyway she got the surgery (boy was that an ordeal) she complained for weeks about it yet she was off the crutches after about a day (I think most patients last over a week on them). Eversince the surgery she has been even worse and complains even more. She claims she cant lift anything even 500gram cans yet she cooks with these heavy high quality (atleast 3kg) pans.

So now after getting more scans, the doctor said she may have MS becuase she presents the symptoms and 'spots' showed up on a scan, then I thought maybe I was a villain and this whole time. Anyway she came up to my room and gave me the whole speel on MS, so I felt somewhat obligated to give her sympathy (honesty I stopped giving sympathy long ago), then she started crying how she knew there was something wrong with her and no one believed her, it was almost as if she had already been diagnosed with MS, she started crying saying shes tried to strengthen herself by lifting 500gram cans but she couldnt. However after she told me I looked up MS and noticed that those spots are somewhat normal for someone in their late 50s, so I knew as soon as seeing that - that she would not have MS. Anyway a week later she got a rather invasive test for MS and has now been complaining about the side effects from it, but the test came back clear as expected.

I believe she also suffers from generalized anxiety disorder as well. She compulsively lock the doors (I will put the clothes up on the line and she will lock the door in that period of time), shes also extremely padantic about lights (I leave the room for about 1 minute and come back with the light off), she also believes that almost everyone is against her, including doctors and she cant tell them anything because they'll use it against her (her sister is a prime example - she has pushed her away for no reason). She also tries to enforce her extreme anxiety on me (she wont let me leave the house without a sweater even tho I'm not cold or I'm not even going to be outside)which is extremely frustrating.

This is killing me and I want to move out of home, but I have no idea what she'll do when I do. She claims she needs me for so many physical things, but I dont really believe her and her hypochondria has pretty much ruined any conversation between us. She has made me very selfish and made it really hard for me to enjoy her company or give her any sympathy. Is there any plausible cure for this? I cant confront her as then she'll think everyone is against her, I'm almost the only person she still trusts.

Hi,

In my opinion, this problem probably started-off as depression, but has progressed to become something different. It doesn't sound like Hypochondria because it seems that she's using the excuses of being ill/sore in order to get sympathy from people. If this is the case, then what she has is Munchausen's Syndrome. Have you heard of it? If not, then look it up on Google and see if it make sense for her situation.

I believe that it started-off as depression because you mentioned that she was having a bad relationship with her former partner and that the break-up was around the time when all of this stuff began. Sometime - I must admit - I use illnesses in order to get sympathy from people, but it's only because I'm desperatly lonely and love the feeling of being, well, 'loved'. I know that I have this problem though, and try to minimise it. Your mother, on the other hand, appears to be letting this slowly damage her life.

Have you and her ever actually talked about this specific problem? She needs help with it, most definately, but you probably won't be able to help her because you are too close. Instead, she should arrange an appointment with her local doctor. Anyway, ultimately, the source of this problem is - I feel - a feeling of saddness and depression.

I hope I've helped.

Take care,
Kevin

Thankyou, I do believe she may have depression also but I'm not sure.

However I'm pretty sure she has Hypochondria and not Munchausen..

"It is distinct from hypochondria in that patients with Munchausen syndrome are aware that they are exaggerating, while sufferers of hypochondria actually believe they have a disease."

I'm pretty sure she legitimately thinks there's something seriously wrong with her. I was on her computer the other night and i went to do a search and about 40 different diseases came up in the search bar from history.

Yikes - 40 different diseases? Perhaps it is hypochondria after all then. It's difficult to gauge which it is from my viewpoint. What would you think about printing-off a list of the symptoms of Hypochondria and then giving it to her to read? You see, this is the type of situation where you are going to have to be hard on her, and not nice. If you are nice, then her problem will just progress further and further.

Kevin

[quote="Chucky"]Yikes - 40 different diseases? Perhaps it [i]is[/i] hypochondria after all then. It's difficult to gauge which it is from my viewpoint. What would you think about printing-off a list of the symptoms of Hypochondria and then giving it to her to read? You see, this is the type of situation where you are going to have to be hard on her, and not nice. If you are nice, then her problem will just progress further and further.

Kevin[/quote]

I understand where you're coming from, but we dont really get along too well as it is. Could I see a psychologist or something and get them to give me advice?

Today she was nagging me about when I was working because she might need to go in and get an injection (shes complaining about the aftermath of her MS test)... It seems like she might get a slight headache or pain and just glorify it 100x and convince herself that it must be something more serious.. I really cant handle this anymore and I want to move out of home, but my older brother/aunty will think im a villain because they're probably not aware that its fake.

Hey,

By all means contact a psychologist for advice. It might also help to make her regular doctor aware of what is happening, so that he/she will be less likely to give her treatment for every little ailment that she comes up with. I can feel how much you are wanting to move out, but I suggest staying for a while more until you've at least tried to help her. If you try but nothing appears to change, then by al means move out.

What do you think?

Kevin

Just thought of a paradox - a hypocondriac thinking that have hypocondria when they don't.

But yeah, maybe if you open her eyes to a problem she ACTUALLY has (hypocondria), she'll fixate on that and try to get that fixed. Dunno, might aswell try.