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Unavailability
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Attention Please. You are entering the Histrionic Personality Disorder forum. Please read this carefully.
Given the unique propensities of those who are faced with the issues of HPD, topics at times may be uncomfortable for non HP readers. Discussions related to HPD behavior are permitted here, within the context of deeper understanding of the commonalties shared by members. Indulging or encouraging these urges is not what this forum is intended for.
Conversations here can be triggering for those who have suffered abuse from HPDs. .
Non HPD users are welcome to post here, But their questions Must have a respectful tone.
If you are a NON and have issues with an past relationship with an HPD person, it is suggested that you Post in a Relationship forum. Here is a link to that forum: relationship/
For those who have no respect for either this illness or for those who are living with it, please do not enter this forum. Discrimination of Personality Disorders is not tolerated on this site.
Moderators are present here to ensure that members treat each other with dignity and respect. If topics become overly graphic or drift from having a healthy perspective, moderators will intervene.
Please feel free to contact a moderator if you have any questions or concerns.
Best Regards,
The Team
30 posts
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Unavailability
by anagram » Mon Aug 06, 2012 5:14 am
A question especially (but not exclusively) for the girls: is someone/something that is unavailable more attractive? How so?
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Re: Unavailability
by yYyYy » Tue Aug 07, 2012 2:21 pm
No 
“yYyYy's crazy behaviors are like roses and young girls; they last while they last” (French President Charles De Gaulle in 1963 quote parodied)]
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Re: Unavailability
by anagram » Tue Aug 07, 2012 6:18 pm
yYyYy wrote:No
Hm, from what I know about you, I tend to disagree with your answer (for yourself), but I can't really put my finger on it.
Can you elaborate?
in december, drinking horchata
i'd look psychotic in a balaclava
i'd look psychotic in a balaclava
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Re: Unavailability
by whiteknight6 » Tue Aug 07, 2012 9:52 pm
Do not know if its attraction or the challenge 
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Re: Unavailability
by anagram » Wed Aug 08, 2012 12:45 am
whiteknight6 wrote:Do not know if its attraction or the challenge
Isn't challenge an attractive thing?
Okay, I'll rephrase my question to a more concrete example. It's a typically histrionic behavior to be obsessed about an ex once the woman's confusing behavior drives him away, isn't it?
If it really is, then: why?
in december, drinking horchata
i'd look psychotic in a balaclava
i'd look psychotic in a balaclava
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Re: Unavailability
by wr0ngstar » Wed Aug 08, 2012 1:42 am
Challenge is an upsetting thing, as there can be stress involved.
Also, men enjoy having a whole harem of those who secretly desire them, so why let them have it?
Also, men enjoy having a whole harem of those who secretly desire them, so why let them have it?
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Re: Unavailability
by whiteknight6 » Thu Aug 09, 2012 7:31 pm
It is almost conditioning for the HPD, pavlovs dog syndrome. Is it the process they are used to ?
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Re: Unavailability
by xdude » Thu Aug 09, 2012 8:50 pm
anagram -
I think you are essentially correct in noting this tendency in humans. It's not necessarily universal, but I agree it is common to see people attracted to others who are unavailable.
Perhaps there are some good reasons? Like someone who is generally unavailable is less likely to randomly stray? Or perhaps they are perceived as a kind of genetic upgrade on an instinctual level? Or perhaps the person feels if they can just crack through the unavailable person's shell, they'll be forever indebted, a unique bond, one that will not be easily tossed aside? Or perhaps we people just grow bored easily with the same person, and so unavailability is a kind of mystery to be slowly untangled, that keeps our interest? I suppose some people even get something out of a sense of being emotionally abused and locked out?
Anyway I'm not sure if it's universal or the only factor at play, but I do agree with you that people to varying degrees are attracted to what they can't/don't have, including other people at times.
I think you are essentially correct in noting this tendency in humans. It's not necessarily universal, but I agree it is common to see people attracted to others who are unavailable.
Perhaps there are some good reasons? Like someone who is generally unavailable is less likely to randomly stray? Or perhaps they are perceived as a kind of genetic upgrade on an instinctual level? Or perhaps the person feels if they can just crack through the unavailable person's shell, they'll be forever indebted, a unique bond, one that will not be easily tossed aside? Or perhaps we people just grow bored easily with the same person, and so unavailability is a kind of mystery to be slowly untangled, that keeps our interest? I suppose some people even get something out of a sense of being emotionally abused and locked out?
Anyway I'm not sure if it's universal or the only factor at play, but I do agree with you that people to varying degrees are attracted to what they can't/don't have, including other people at times.
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Re: Unavailability
by anagram » Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:04 pm
Hm, it just occurred to me an evolutionary conjecture. It's apparently a consensus that primitive clan-based societies dictated that the individual had to mate with someone from another clan (probably due to noticeable general health benefits of avoiding breeding inside the clan).
Mates from inside the clan were readily available, but forbidden. Mates from outside the clan were possibly difficult to reach, but were allowed and yielded healthier offspring. This was long enough ago to be embedded in our genes, and recent enough to not have been superseded by other attraction principles in the gene pool.
Bottom line, we live in a theoretically monogamous/family-based society, with polygamous/clan-based genes. It's flawed by "design". But there's not much we can do about the picture. Just the small picture...
Mates from inside the clan were readily available, but forbidden. Mates from outside the clan were possibly difficult to reach, but were allowed and yielded healthier offspring. This was long enough ago to be embedded in our genes, and recent enough to not have been superseded by other attraction principles in the gene pool.
Bottom line, we live in a theoretically monogamous/family-based society, with polygamous/clan-based genes. It's flawed by "design". But there's not much we can do about the picture. Just the small picture...
in december, drinking horchata
i'd look psychotic in a balaclava
i'd look psychotic in a balaclava
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Re: Unavailability
by Mavet » Thu Aug 09, 2012 11:19 pm
I like having someone who is available to me and practically worships me, because for me that is what it takes to be loved. While that is my ideal choice, I can still contradict myself.
For example, someone I have found desirable for several years is unattainable in nearly every way. This person will let you have an idea in your mind of what potential your relationship has and then snatch herself away before any emotional connection can be made too deep to sever. Our relationship is... as close as it can be for two emotionally damaged people in a suggestive friendship.
The idea of not being able to have something is maddening, but it is a challenge. Nothing gets boring. As soon as you think you're getting somewhere, you stand corrected. It's like a game of chess for your brain. You get drawn in and left wanting, but you can't get tired of it.
For example, someone I have found desirable for several years is unattainable in nearly every way. This person will let you have an idea in your mind of what potential your relationship has and then snatch herself away before any emotional connection can be made too deep to sever. Our relationship is... as close as it can be for two emotionally damaged people in a suggestive friendship.
The idea of not being able to have something is maddening, but it is a challenge. Nothing gets boring. As soon as you think you're getting somewhere, you stand corrected. It's like a game of chess for your brain. You get drawn in and left wanting, but you can't get tired of it.
We're all mad here.
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