One of biggest cause of my depression would be my wasted academic talent
i am sucking in the school lately though it's getting better little by little
til like age 15 i was really smart, i was always top at the school,
my sat was 2250/2400 even though i could not make one correct english sentence til age 16,(never learned to speak/write in English)
and i speak 4 languages fluently and I used to win national scale awards,
then things started to break down from high school years,
and I try to study, details never get into my head,
even if it's quite easy, you literally read it, and it's like reading a blank paper
nothing is registered to your head, right now in college i get like C in really easy course idk,(well though can't blame this on hpd completely... lol but idk some courses i do well even though it's difficult but some ijust don't want to do.) your thought process get all scattered, whatever you write is so scattered...
and you become a not good leader for you always end projects f*cked up,
ahhh the projects, activities i f*cked up after starting with great enthusiasm... i feel sorry to members cuz i was a baddd leader
i feel embarrassed, bc i couldn't fufill those expectations on me of others,
other studens who were far less intelligent than me went to ivy leagues,
idk i don't have jealousy over that
i am satisfied right now,
but i feel it's bit unfair, cuz i studied real hard throughout my life sacrificing everything,
i am not even pretty even though being hpd, damn
i am hpd who is just full of 'i am sick' complaints(terrible!)
then my academic talent is just wasted thanks to having hpd, ppl look upon me, everyone think i am stupid
though still there's hope of success
but as an Asian,
school thing kind of matters
though i am still in quite priviliged university
i am sucking at it. my gpa real low :p
i sometimes think 'how come i ended up like this?'
you have no idea if how much I tried hard throughout most of my life,
but idk it ended up like this after lots of
sexual harassment sues, failed projects, relationship problems etcetcetc.....
again i want to ask, how come, the only thing god presented me was academic talent
and how come he take it away from me like this?
yeah! soulfly XD