Our partner

The Histrionic Goodbye

Histrionic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: masquerade, orion13213, xdude

Forum rules
Attention Please. You are entering the Histrionic Personality Disorder forum. Please read this carefully.

Given the unique propensities of those who are faced with the issues of HPD, topics at times may be uncomfortable for non HP readers. Discussions related to HPD behavior are permitted here, within the context of deeper understanding of the commonalties shared by members. Indulging or encouraging these urges is not what this forum is intended for.

Conversations here can be triggering for those who have suffered abuse from HPDs. .
Non HPD users are welcome to post here, But their questions Must have a respectful tone.
If you are a NON and have issues with an past relationship with an HPD person, it is suggested that you Post in a Relationship forum. Here is a link to that forum: relationship/

For those who have no respect for either this illness or for those who are living with it, please do not enter this forum. Discrimination of Personality Disorders is not tolerated on this site.

Moderators are present here to ensure that members treat each other with dignity and respect. If topics become overly graphic or drift from having a healthy perspective, moderators will intervene.
Please feel free to contact a moderator if you have any questions or concerns.

Best Regards,
The Team

The Histrionic Goodbye

Postby DSM-VI » Mon Aug 22, 2011 4:12 am

I'll begin my story at the end.
I was involved with an HPD female from January until early June of this year. After a bunch of unnecessarily dramatic events that unfolded in late May, she informed me one night (the last night I saw her) of a serious predicament that involved her sister. I believe that she was using her sister as a prop to continue coming over and hanging out with me. BTW, "hanging out" consisted of heavy drinking, chain smoking and her talking about herself ad-naseam. She is 23 and still lives with her parents, which was also her unspoken excuse for not being at home so often.

Anyhow, after our final meeting after which she finished a grueling story about how after her second abortion she wanted to kill herself, she stepped into her car, and said "Wow, you're my new best friend" and then quickly kissed me on the lips. WTF I thought? "Friends" don't do that. She then, thankfully, drove off into the night. I felt so numb after seeing her that time

During the week she made many attempts texting me saying "Me and my sister are together right now, can we stop by?" I made excuses about having to go to the gym, run important errands, dance lessons, etc. just to avoid her stopping by. This HPD mentioned twice that "my sister has a huge crush on you" as if that was to flatter me and invite them both over. And of course I tested her, sending a text saying: "Perhaps I could take your sister (without you) out to movies?" No response. In the past, she would also make excuses for not answering certain texts, saying that "she didn't get reception all the time, I hate my phone". Bullsh*t I thought.

So about 5 days pass with me deflecting her from coming over and then I called her on a Thursday night and left her voice mail. I said "Don't worry about coming over tonight, you have a double shift tomorrow, get some rest so you'll be fresh for work."

She never called me back and I never called her back.

The End
DSM-VI
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2011 7:55 pm
Local time: Mon Jul 28, 2014 3:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: The Histrionic Goodbye

Postby Cpt » Mon Aug 22, 2011 3:21 pm

I had like 3-4 different revaluation cycles start off like that, except I knew enough to push for sex right then and there because of how fleeting those revaluation cycles became.

Surprised that your final devaluation happened like that, very odd. Sounds like a mysterious ending that would lead someone to come here to get closure.
Cpt
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1338
Joined: Sun Feb 20, 2011 6:26 pm
Local time: Mon Jul 28, 2014 8:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: The Histrionic Goodbye

Postby xdude » Mon Aug 22, 2011 4:26 pm

DSM-VI wrote:During the week she made many attempts texting me saying "Me and my sister are together right now, can we stop by?" I made excuses about having to go to the gym, run important errands, dance lessons, etc. just to avoid her stopping by. This HPD mentioned twice that "my sister has a huge crush on you" as if that was to flatter me and invite them both over. And of course I tested her, sending a text saying: "Perhaps I could take your sister (without you) out to movies?" No response.


Well while I don't know exactly what her motives were, this is quite a devaluing thing to say (whether or not on some level she was trying to set you up with sister, or using her as an excuse, or wanted her sister there as a filter to keep things safe). Probably devaluing enough that most anyone (whether or not they have a PD) would be inclined to break off contact and move on. Add in that you generally avoided her and she probably did get the message you don't want her. Hey, we're all sensitive to varying degrees, but someone with a cluster B disorder can be hyper sensitive (despite all coping mechanisms) and reach a breaking point.

But I can't tell what you want? Seems like you wanted to be free of her, pushed her away, and now that she is leaving you alone, I can't tell if you are pleased/displeased by the outcome?
xdude
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 3351
Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:41 pm
Local time: Mon Jul 28, 2014 3:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: The Histrionic Goodbye

Postby DSM-VI » Mon Aug 22, 2011 4:28 pm

Hi Captain,

I'm new to the board and alot of it's lingo. Revaluation? Devaluation?

To be honest I'm so glad she's out of my life. It's so much more peaceful without her. I thank all of you on this board for vehemently putting forth the "No contact" option, which I think is truly the best way to deal.

As for the sex (there was none) she was too creepy and unpredictable with her mood swings. Jumping totally naked into my bed, but saying beforehand that she didn't want sex. Telling me to rub my di*k between her butt cheeks, but if I slid it in her hole she would "slap me so hard". She was into BDSM, where she ordered me to spank the hell out of her a*s. She wanted it violent and I hated that, making her cheeks red. Thats not me. Plus she had a boyfriend an hour away who she has been dating for 5 years! "I don't like him, but I love him" is what she would say. He was OCD and domineering lways ordering her what to do, or at least according to her. Hence "the victim".

There's more-
DSM-VI
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2011 7:55 pm
Local time: Mon Jul 28, 2014 3:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: The Histrionic Goodbye

Postby Cpt » Mon Aug 22, 2011 5:23 pm

DSM-VI wrote:Hi Captain,

I'm new to the board and alot of it's lingo. Revaluation? Devaluation?

To be honest I'm so glad she's out of my life. It's so much more peaceful without her. I thank all of you on this board for vehemently putting forth the "No contact" option, which I think is truly the best way to deal.

As for the sex (there was none) she was too creepy and unpredictable with her mood swings. Jumping totally naked into my bed, but saying beforehand that she didn't want sex. Telling me to rub my di*k between her butt cheeks, but if I slid it in her hole she would "slap me so hard". She was into BDSM, where she ordered me to spank the hell out of her a*s. She wanted it violent and I hated that, making her cheeks red. Thats not me. Plus she had a boyfriend an hour away who she has been dating for 5 years! "I don't like him, but I love him" is what she would say. He was OCD and domineering lways ordering her what to do, or at least according to her. Hence "the victim".

There's more-


damn haha.

Devaluation: when they have put you on the backburner or in rare cases rejected you outright for others

Revaluation: when they come back to you after a devaluation, can last anywhere from 2 days(Cptsaveaho) to a few years(tatteredknight).
Cpt
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1338
Joined: Sun Feb 20, 2011 6:26 pm
Local time: Mon Jul 28, 2014 8:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: The Histrionic Goodbye

Postby thelastbohemians » Mon Aug 22, 2011 5:27 pm

I have been friends with a woman with HPD since March of this year. She is going thru a divorce and I thought that most of her drama was a "phase" linked to her divorce.
To make a long story short, even after her divorce, the drama continued and she seemed to purposefully set up situations that created the drama - such as losing her keys or phone or picking up some random guy at a bar etc. Not only that, but she seemed to escalate her attempts for attention including wearing provocative clothing, etc. ANYTHING to get attention. She knew that I did not approve yet would call me and shove her irresponsible actions in my face as if trying to get a reaction from me when it didnt work, she then created drama by saying that a post I put on my FB page was directed at her!

First, I unfriended her on facebook thinking she would get a clue and move on. THEN she starting blowing up my phone, so I didn't return her calls. She kept calling so I blocked her number.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, I sent her a very blunt email stating that I thought that she had HPD and needed professional help and I could not be her friend because as a mental health professional, it is too much for me to deal with individuals in my private life with disorders in addition to dealing with them in my professional life.
I set up very clear boundaries: I told her that she was NOT to contact me further.

I know that individuals with this disorder typically do not think they have a problem, so we will see what happens....
thelastbohemians
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:26 pm
Local time: Mon Jul 28, 2014 3:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: The Histrionic Goodbye

Postby Twistedmister » Mon Aug 22, 2011 6:33 pm

It is kind of difficult when you realise you are the problem. And the world you have been searching for, doesn't exist.
Borderline
User avatar
Twistedmister
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1522
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 7:05 am
Local time: Mon Jul 28, 2014 8:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: The Histrionic Goodbye

Postby TadLock » Mon Aug 22, 2011 7:11 pm

CptSaveAho wrote:
Surprised that your final devaluation happened like that, very odd. Sounds like a mysterious ending that would lead someone to come here to get closure.


It was a mysterious ending. Seems like a bpd relationship ending is triggered, but an hpd ending doesn't even need a trigger. It just comes to an end.
"Misery Is A Stench Of The Human Mind-" Lady Gaga
TadLock
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 223
Joined: Sat Jul 09, 2011 10:27 pm
Local time: Mon Jul 28, 2014 8:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: The Histrionic Goodbye

Postby Twistedmister » Mon Aug 22, 2011 7:40 pm

We get bored.

It generally happens, when we realise you aren't as great as we thought you were *felt you were........this happens, because you stop making us feel like we're walking on air.....and at that point, we see that you have flaws.
We always saw them.....that's why we were with you, cause your flaws made you seem safe......but we couldn't feel them. Like they were there, but only in theory........

It's like a light.........one moment it is on, and the next it is off.


I don't see how it's different from regular people btw. There's about 10 people i'm still waiting for calls back from. ANd i didn't do fukkkc all to them. lol

(i'm not actually waiting.....)


It's just you regular people have your regular reasons.........."he cheated on me"......"i met someone else".........well, everyone we meet is someone else. :twisted:
Borderline
User avatar
Twistedmister
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1522
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 7:05 am
Local time: Mon Jul 28, 2014 8:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: The Histrionic Goodbye

Postby DSM-VI » Mon Aug 22, 2011 11:42 pm

TadLock wrote:It was a mysterious ending. Seems like a bpd relationship ending is triggered, but an hpd ending doesn't even need a trigger. It just comes to an end.


Interesting. She once said that "I think I might be Borderline". She is currently seeing a psychiatrist (who prescribes her Aderal, she's ADD) but she is also still on probation, from a drug charge. She was supposed to be done with that in 6 months but it turned into a year and six months because she couldn't quit weed and kept failing her tests. She finally quit when I started seeing her (which made it less fun) Weed and sex is great, at least with a "normal" person. She's 23 and has been in the court system since she was 19. but you would never guess this from looking at her: 5'11", blondish All-American sports girl persona. She played sports in high school and wants to be a fitness model, but goes up and down with her weight. She was real shredded at one point but chain smokes and chugs beer, wine, hard liquor or anything with alcohol. Real "fitness-like" huh? lol
DSM-VI
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2011 7:55 pm
Local time: Mon Jul 28, 2014 3:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Histrionic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: nom0re and 76 guests

cron