ajrocker8 wrote:I prefer women and around straight or bi women I act more masculine and I usually date and have sex with women. Also I get along with women much more easily than men, but usually most of my male friends are bi. I have had sex with gay men but haven't exactly dated them ever, they come across usually as friends with benefits. I'm considered out of the ordinary to people who are strictly gay, at least men. Lesbians like me just fine, my best female friends are all either lesbian or bi, and I date bi women a lot.
My bisexuality to gay people makes me slightly an outsider so I tend to be more friendly with guys who are bi rather than gay. Only really stuck up gay guys care but even they don't give me a really hard time about it. It feels like bisexuality is a specific preference type so I connect with bi people more, both as friends and lovers. But my mental illnesses stand out to whoever I'm with, most people I know don't have any signs of having a personality disorder, so I know that makes me even more of an outsider.
What you said sounds familiar to me in so many ways. I get along much better with men and bi women, then hetero females and Lez girls. The prejudice of Lez girls is because I'm bi and they see that as a joke rather than any kind of truth, hetero women (when they know I am bi) see me as someone who's gonna try and convert them/hit on them
or as a slut who just wants to have sex with anyone and everyone I possibly can & that's so NOT the case! (I openly admit to being very sexual; but I'm also VERY selective in who I choose)
Do you find that hetero men are the same towards you? Afraid you'll hit on them just because you're into guys n stuff? (which is truely pathetic
But where you say you seem to be more masculine with the oposite sex I'm the oposit because I too tend to be more 'masculine' towards BOTH sexes indiscriminantly. My 'gender role/persona' doesn't change...
While I'll use the girly game and the damsel in distress to manipulate someone in a heart beat- I don't do that with just 'the guys' that I have/had as friends. I'm always just 'one of the guys' and they've said this to me many times before too- so I'm not delussional or making this up. I'm very guy like in my 'natural state' (non manipulative personification) to the point where guys who find me attractive at first, no longer have a romantic interest in me because we become friends, and again, they say I'm more like one of the guys.
I've always been like that. Even since early childhood. Very few female friends (if any) and more comfortable being with guys and just being one of them... Odd... (sorry, just something I never really thought about before until now)
So while I defintely understand you having more feminine traits (as I have more masculine than feminine myself) I don't see why that changes between the sexes as you go between males and females. Do you think you put on the manliness to appear more manly (like to try to do this on purpose/consciously) or is it something that just happens and you don't really realize you're even doing it until looking back on it?
Just curious- is all...
I also find it interesting that you've not had a relationship with a guy- just sex.
Is that just because you've never been emotionally drawn in by a male, or because you just draw the line at the sexual pleasure of male interaction?
Again, just curious...
I've had relationships with women (very rarely) in the past. A girl when I was high school (didn't last long), another girl after I left my Husband (lasted a few months) and one online scenario where I was falling in love with a woman in one of my social groups and I had to actually stop talking to her and participating in the group because I was having a hard time with my feelings for HER. She lives in Colorado, I'm in Toronto, and she's married (also bi) so it was pure torture to know I wanted and cared for this woman I would never have... Long story
But I've also been emotionally drawn into other women at other times as well- not just sex; hence why I'm curious about why you've not yet (may never) had these kinds of emotional laces pulling at your heart.
I find it interesting that Lez's like you but gay guys don't. I find that Lez girls usually despise me, and so do many gay guys- though not all; but then again- I do have that effect on most people despite sexuality, culture, mental illness, social status, etc, etc, etc,
so I guessit's really not that suprising
I do find that I connect better with those who are bi sexual though, and perhaps it is just an understanding thing- like mental illness. I seem to get along with people who are like me, than those who are not. Which I think is pretty typical in bonding in friendships.
(sorry just thinking while I type here)
santa fe wrote:No different really from others who take on stereotypical, superficial identities in order to be considered a member of a group (goths, hippies, cheerleaders, urban cowboys, gangbangers, rappers, etc.) Belonging to a group is a very strong and fundamental human need.
That was very much the point I was trying to make earlier- that's it a culture thing (widely expressed) and so those who wish to be a part of that culture will take on the persona which depicts what they are trying to identify with.
I wonder then, if some of the more 'flamming gay' are so extreme in their flambioancies because they are over compensating? Like, anyone who's in the Gay.Bi. Lez, TG/TS community knows that there posers- right? Those who pretend to be what they're truely not inorder to get out of their true sexuality's rat race, fit in somewhere/anywhere they can, just dabblinga bit
etc... And it kinda makes me wonder if some of these people are over projecting what they think they should be like due to trying to fit in where they want be to excepted for the moment... Certainly not true in all cases; but a few perhaps? Just a thought...
ajrocker8 wrote:HPD seems like a negative stereotype of overly feminine characteristics so it's no mystery why some would label certain men histrionic, whether they are or not.
This is so true, and so many people come here saying they know this n' that person MUST be histrionic 'because' and all that jazz. What people don't stop to think about is the DISORDER part. That just because they may exhibit certain traits, or similarities to what the DSM describes as HPD, it doesn't mean that they have an actual disorder (again, I did not say ALL cases) and many of these people could just be like these men we're discussing- projecting histrionism without actually being in any way DISORDERED.
Clearly many gay males project the 'image' of a histrionic; but with out it being a life effecting thing, LONG TERM & life effecting thing; that is both developed & supported by trauama/conditioning/other factors in childhood, it's only a superficial play. They are acting this way because they enjoy it- not because they know no other alternative
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth~Oscar Wilde
Ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together~Eugene Ionesco
Once you chose hope anything is possible~ Christopher Reeves