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The "Princess Complex"-Article Enclosed

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The "Princess Complex"-Article Enclosed

Postby mr.johnnymac » Thu Apr 21, 2011 3:03 pm

Perhaps a non or two has felt their ex hpd/bpd/npd had some type of 'princess complex'. A female psychologist explains some reasons why cluster b women are not on the pedestals they think they are on:

http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/12 ... -consider/

Glad a woman wrote it.
My ex cluster b...alas, she had the 'princess complex'. I didn't think much of her calling her self the so and so princess (just thought it was a girl thing).
Never made its connection to the cluster b's narc traits.

Every non should read it.

Cheers.
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Re: The "Princess Complex"-Article Enclosed

Postby treetop » Thu Apr 21, 2011 7:00 pm

Interesting article. I would say that my HPD friend had a raging princess complex, and interestingly enough, that seemed to be traced back to how her mother raised her and continued to interact with her. Her mother basically worshipped the ground she walked on and appeased her every whim. This, combined with a dad and step-dad who abandoned them, was a major contribution in her development of a personality disorder, I think.

what's frightening to me is that young girls these days seem to be raised more and more like 'little princesses'. I see this often, being a parent of a 4 year old girl. Many of her friends throw lavish 'princess parties' for their birthdays that are ridiculously expensive for a toddler or a preschooler, sometimes running into the thousands of dollars. case in point - a live dj, a custom-made princess cake, and renting a hotel conference room. I think that's a little over the top for a little tyke, who likely just wants to play in the sandbox or run around with their friends for their birthday. jeez. as a kid in the 80s, I don't remember any of my friends' parties being so over the top. a homemade cake, some simple games and a few paper birthday hats always made up our parties; and everyone always seemed to have a good time.

some parents now even throw such over the top parties for their infants, as if throwing such parties for toddlers and preschoolers wasn't ludicrous enough. It seems to have gotten out of control as parents try to one-up each other and ensure that 'their' daughter is the 'top princess'. also, many of the toys and clothing marketing to that age group have 'princess' themes, even the books seem to advocate 'every girl is a princess.'
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Re: The "Princess Complex"-Article Enclosed

Postby orion13213 » Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:31 am

It's like if you could diagnose an entire culture America would be BPD, or at least have BPD traits, because many Americans can't seem to perceive, let alone implement any meaningful equity between the genders. Instead, we lazily slide into "splitting" and allow grossly unbalanced, dysfunctional power roles to one gender or another.

Consider that in 1950 (only 60 years ago) the majority of white men aspired to a dominant patriarchal role of "king," where "a man's home was his castle," etc. The physical abuse of the man's wife and children sometimes accompanied this role of lord and master.

Now, after the feminist and sexual revolutions of the 1960's, we still can't walk and chew gum at the same time: now the male role of king has gone underground, and it's some of the women who are approaching absolute power, and therefore corrupting absolutely, as "princesses" (and later after marriage, as "queens") that can do no wrong.
I've even heard young women say that they are administering payback for the crimes of the patriarchal era, even though they weren't yet born then, as a justification for unchallenged female power and the accompanying emotional, psychological, and legal abuse that seems to be woman's particular stronghold (as opposed to the traditional physical abuse by men).

Consider the "men's rights" law firms that are popping up all over.

Maybe like the female author of the blog we can stop the splitting and enter into the finer 'in between' areas and work out some meaningful guidelines, and stop the meaningless cycles.
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Re: The "Princess Complex"-Article Enclosed

Postby highroad » Fri Apr 22, 2011 1:19 pm

mr.johnnymac wrote:A female psychologist explains some reasons why cluster b women are not on the pedestals they think they are on:
This is an absolute key to recovery. You must see them in a purely objective light. They do not poop vanilla ice cream.
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Re: The "Princess Complex"-Article Enclosed

Postby Cpt » Fri Apr 22, 2011 2:26 pm

Mine is gorgeous and perhaps was treated like a princess because of it but her family life was broken and dysfunctional. She has the princess complex now, to be sure, but it is more likely cause by stunted development of personality than constant praise and fawning.
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Re: The "Princess Complex"-Article Enclosed

Postby talula » Mon Apr 25, 2011 5:58 am

I've been called a princess for a long time, since my teens, unexpectedly and by random people too sometimes. I never understood it, (part of not seeing ourselves objectively). I had an absent father but who provided for us financially and who never wanted me to work (not ever), only to marry. I had a somewhat narcissistic mother who was more obsessed with using me as some sort of leverage against my dad, and who also never once taught me about the value of independence or psychological self-sufficiency.
I had a terribly lacking concept of reality from my parents and they remain the same.
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Re: The "Princess Complex"-Article Enclosed

Postby orion13213 » Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:11 am

yeah when you think about it being molded into a princess who can't ever grow is a gilded cage, but nevertheless a psychological tiger cage, like the ones used to confine and brainwash POW's in the Vietnam War.
"Princess" is a role and identity manuever created by a narcissisitic parent who doesn't respect the personal boundaries of their child, a parent who often wants to use the child to live through, or to project aggression at another through.
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Re: The "Princess Complex"-Article Enclosed

Postby treetop » Wed Apr 27, 2011 3:03 pm

that's an interesting thought, orion. come to think of it, my HPD friend's mom (who treated her daughter as 'little princess', even now that her daughter is a grown woman) seemed to want to live vicariously through her, perhaps because her own life was often so bleak (living with years of poverty and abuse). she'd often ask her daughter for the 'latest gossip' around town, reveled in thinking that her daughter was 'most popular' or 'most well liked', and acted more as a 'friend' or a 'peer' than a 'mom'. I don't think her mom is a narcissist, but I do think her mom is extremely co-dependent with weak boundaries; thus she sees catering to her daughter as normal and natural, because she caters to everyone in her life in much the same way. Her mom often chose to be in relationships with narcissistic and/or abusive men, trying desperately to appease them, but they would eventually leave anyway.
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Re: The "Princess Complex"-Article Enclosed

Postby orion13213 » Thu Apr 28, 2011 4:44 am

this thread kind of fires up my obsessive compulsive controlling traits...I'm envisioning a mandatory basic psychological evaluation and a government issued reproductive license before being allowed to have kids...

yeah, ok I know that's wrong and wouldn't work for many reasons :|
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Re: The "Princess Complex"-Article Enclosed

Postby mr.johnnymac » Thu Apr 28, 2011 5:07 am

treetop wrote: I don't think her mom is a narcissist, but I do think her mom is extremely co-dependent


It would be interesting to hear the views of others about what the specific differences are between a co-dependent person and a narcissist. Look at the control patterns for the co-dependent:

* I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
* I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
* I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
* I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
* I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
* I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
* I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
* I demand that my needs be met by others.
* I use charm and charisma to convince others of my capacity to be caring and compassionate.
* I use blame and shame to emotionally exploit others.
* I refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate.
* I adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes.
* I use terms of recovery in an attempt to control the behavior of others.
* I pretend to agree with others to get what I want.

Do those above traits sound like someone whom you'd want to be in a relationship with?

Of course, they have a lot of other awful behavior patterns to go with the above bit. Dr. Sam...as a somewhat watered down thread in the NPD forum touched upon, is a big believer in Reverse Narcissism (according to him, though, it is Inverted Narcissism). Anyway, in a nutshell the definition of an Inverted Narcissist could be a co-dependent...as you can briefly see here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency

The doctrine is always clear that a co-dependent need not be a narcissist (or reverse narcissist).

Anyway, the downside to the term co-dependency is that most are of the belief it comes from AA (and some may not think Alcoholics are qualified to coin psychological conditions and sub-types of personality disorders).

I bring this up, Treetop, as I felt your post indirectly makes the connection of co-dependency of narcissism.

Some time ago I was engaged in a chat about this with a psychologist of somewhat high status, and he said something like:

"If you believe in the characteristics of co-dependency and how a co-dependent functions in a relationship, what difference does it make if they are cluster b or not? RUN-"

orion8591 wrote:"Princess" is a role and identity manuever created by a narcissisitic parent who doesn't respect the personal boundaries of their child, a parent who often wants to use the child to live through, or to project aggression at another through.


That is a very interesting way to look at it. I guess I never really thought of the role (to the extent disordered behavior may be a factor with the parents) the parent played in the whole ordeal.

I mainly focused on the woman in front of me with the irritating princess complex. I always want to ask them what country they have their royal heritage in :lol: .
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