Do they give a crap?

From what I have read here from HPD's, I do suspect that "most " do give a crap. I suppose it depends on where you are in the pecking order. The main guy or just supply or fan club guy?

I say this based on my experience and reading about the HPD's on this forum.

They can love, but if they question your loyality for just one minute or get them upset,confront them or give a lack of attention for what ever reason..etc....than into the arms of another guy/girl they go or they rage or create other drama etc.... only to regret it later.

What are the thoughts of non's and HPD's on here about this? Do they or you (HPD's) give a crap?

okherewego212 wrote:From what I have read here from HPD's, I do suspect that "most " do give a crap. I suppose it depends on where you are in the pecking order. The main guy or just supply or fan club guy?

I say this based on my experience and reading about the HPD's on this forum.

They can love, but if they question your loyality for just one minute or get them upset,confront them or give a lack of attention for what ever reason..etc....than into the arms of another guy/girl they go or they rage or create other drama etc.... only to regret it later.

What are the thoughts of non's and HPD's on here about this? Do they or you (HPD's) give a crap?

Even if they think they do, their actions demonstrate that they don't REALLY love or give a crap. So while a Narcissist might be "no emotions", the HPD might be "shallow emotions". In fact I called out the HPD on her $#%^ a week ago and she seemed genuinely sorry and acted regretful and like she loved me, but that was out the window the next day. SHALLOW emotions(and for all I know it could just be an act to begin with, because she speaks of her actions after the fact in a very cold, calculating way). They don't have object constancy either, out of sight, out of mind(at least if you are primary supply in the post-honeymoon phase- during the honeymoon they might even call you after sexing another :p ).

What ever reason, including no reason, is what it takes for the HPD to commit evil acts. You could do the same thing twice to an HPD and get totally different responses. Its all about them.

I guess my point was, is their reactions to the one they do love, is like the following joke:

How many Histrionic P. D. does to take to change a lightbulb?

You want me to change the lightbulb? !!!!
I could burn my hand!!!!!!
I could be electrocuted!!!!!
I could fall off the ladder and be paralyzed for life!!!!!
You dont love me anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Only later do they realize, it's wasn't as bad as they "thought" it was and regret thier behavior later. By that time or over a period of time, it is usually too late, and they lost the one they love.

Then the cicyle continues. But at the time, they did care, but over reacted. I guess when you get to the point where you understand "why" they do things , instead of "what "they did, you get better closure.

okherewego212 wrote:Then the cicyle continues. But at the time, they did care, but over reacted. I guess when you get to the point where you understand "why" they do things , instead of "what "they did, you get better closure.

Depends on the person. I realized that I started getting way to into "why" she did what she did and that it brought out sympathy. Sympathy is what drew me to her to begin with and I have regressed a little since coming on this forum because of it, so I try to focus on the more material things, particularly since I told her she was HPD.

Nice....

okherewego212 wrote:I guess my point was, is their reactions to the one they do love, is like the following joke:

How many Histrionic P. D. does to take to change a lightbulb?

You want me to change the lightbulb? !!!!
I could burn my hand!!!!!!
I could be electrocuted!!!!!
I could fall off the ladder and be paralyzed for life!!!!!
You dont love me anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Only later do they realize, it's wasn't as bad as they "thought" it was and regret thier behavior later. By that time or over a period of time, it is usually too late, and they lost the one they love.

Then the cicyle continues. But at the time, they did care, but over reacted. I guess when you get to the point where you understand "why" they do things , instead of "what "they did, you get better closure.

OK,

I don't believe that they have the solid intellect that is required to give a crap. In order to care, you need to be rooted and grounded upon the necessary foundation. All cluster b pd's have this one feature in common:

They lack empathy.

If they lack empathy, they cannot and will not care the way they ought to. Perhaps...as another poster said in his own way, they will care in a way that is only caring to them (a artificial form of care, an imitation of the real thing...counterfeit empathy if you will), but not that is "caring" in the real sense of the word.

BTW...in answer to your joke:

It takes one Histrionic to change a light-bulb...as long as it will get her attention and people tell her how wonderful she was for changing it.

I guess where I pick this up from is: Scarlett's love for her husband and Kids, Alices love for her kids and ex BF, Expressives love for her kids and ex , Masquerades love for her husband , OthersHPD's love for his wife and kids etc....under normal conditions, with no stressor's they seem to do ok.

However, any stressors in thier life and due to thier low tolerance and poor coping skills in dealing with them, cause them to overreact, thus the disorder takes over. Raidly shifting emotions? Like a child's tantrums, pouting and reactions,but in a disorderd grown up ways?

The disorder seems to be more triggered by stressors, than in everyday living. They love and care when everything is going good, than loose it when stressed. IE..all Empathy, rage , cheat etc....

But when they calm down again and normalize, they somehow do feel remorse for thier over reactions. Maybe that is why they say, they normally go get help when relationships fail. Or just pretend , deny or lie that nothing happened so it will all go away thus appear to lack empathy, but deep down know it is wrong behavior? Why lie or deny, if you don't know it is wrong?

Just my observations and opinion though....

I guess where I pick this up from is: Scarlett's love for her husband and Kids, Alices love for her kids and ex BF, Expressives love for her kids and ex , Masquerades love for her husband , OthersHPD's love for his wife and kids etc....under normal conditions, with no stressor's they seem to do ok.

However, any stressors in thier life and due to thier low tolerance and poor coping skills in dealing with them, cause them to overreact, thus the disorder takes over. Raidly shifting emotions? Like a child's tantrums, pouting and reactions,but in a disorderd grown up ways?

I gotta say this is a much better answer than your last and something I can give some feed back to.

I'd have to say that you're very right here in many ways; but I think it more than fair to say that our love for our children is NOT reactive/black n white, where as the love for any husbands or X's would be prones to that type of vulnerabilty by our own malthinking and stressors.

Interms of love relationships (children not included) we are very vulnerable to the other persons approval and fidelity. We constantly check (within our minds) that they DO love us and they ARE being faithful by analizing their actions, words, tones, expressions/reactions, body language, and search for underlying meaning behind everything they say or do. It's our own insecurities that forces us to that. We do it somewhat subconiciously too. We are analizing them all the time, but it's such a natural process and we do so frequently we don't even realize we do it until we realize that doing it is wrong and unecessary.
We grately lack trust in people. Usually many of us have been hurt and/or used so many times in our lives that our lack of trust has just been so deeply established that again, we don't know it's present until we do so some real self analization and search not only for our patterns of behaviour but the emotional source behind them too.
I meantioned this in a more descriptive emotional way in my earlier posts on the forum, but after looking deeper (past the HOW it happens) and into the WHY it happens (in myself/what's lacking within myself that forces me to probe my lover) I see now that's deeply rooted in trust and self conciousness.

We don't do this with our children because they literally ARE the unconditional love we desire from others. Anyone with kids should know just what I mean; the children are NOT a 'source' to us, it's the parent child relationship that is established between us that is just a deep unconditional love there is no questioning it- there's no reason to question it. It's something so pure and untainted, that the way we love our children is something that will never be effected by the disorder.

Stressors within the realtionship are very different and act differently on our minds than outside stressors. Relationship stressors are of the most devistating to us, because we prize our mates so highly. If we didn't love 'you' we wouldn't care if you went- it's because we love you that we don't want to see you go. However, something deep within our mind has a suspicion that you will go, you will leave because everyone leaves us in the end... It then that things like cheatinng happen. We try and convince ourselves that it doeswn't matter if you go, and to prove that fact to ourselves we seek someone else to supply a reasuring feeling that yes, we are still desirable and we could carry on without you if you left.

I'm not too sure on the 'cheating thing' so much because I'm not really a cheater 'persay'

I cheated on my XBF to ensuire he would never come back to me, our relationship was destructive and we had been roller coastering for over 2 1/2 years at that point, so it wasn't as much a reasuarnce of myself as it was a ploy to destroy him aqnd any chance of us reconcilling again in future.

I never once cheated on my husband.

And my Previous X is a long story...

But suffice it to say, I'm not as much into physical cheating as I am just knowing I have men on reserve 'incase' the man I love leaves me.

Our tantrums are VERY CHILDISH and you hit that right on the head- LUV THAT and when you place the anger, resentment, hurt and frustration of a child in an adult world- it can real ugly real quick!

We are very much children OK, and I think we've touched on that in the forum quite a few times in fact. Look how childish we are, in so many aspects. You really captured the essence of it very nicely in that statement.

As to the lying, I would wager to say that the lies we tell are something we do out of regret and remource. We typicall don't think of the consiquences of our actions before hand but after the fact we don't always what we've done... We lie to protect 'you' from the worng we have done because we 'didn't mean to do it' it was that spiteful, childishness that acted out in revenge and anger; the woman in us loves you and would never hurt you. I'm not saying it's right- it's completely wrong, but that's the mentality behind it and 'why' we do it, which is what you asked for here.

Do we give a crap?
Yes!

We hurt you BECAUSE we care for you- I know that makes no sense, but it's completely true. If you meant nothing to us and were meaningless/worthless to us, we would walk away and never look back, like with the other disposables in our accuantence. If we love you we don't want to let you go.

i hope that makes some sense?

I think in the beginning they (NPD/HPD/BPD) give a crap (or at least the appearance of it) because they want to keep you around as a source of supply. As time goes by and you are devalued, they know they need to find a new source. My STBX is currently seeing someone else because she knows it is over come April. Financially she cannot make it on her own, so she is setting up her next target by charming him at secluded locations and basically trying to sink the hook. She will probably operate using the I luv you and care about you routine.