Our partner




Do they give a crap?

Histrionic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: masquerade, xdude, orion13213

Forum rules
Attention Please. You are entering the Histrionic Personality Disorder forum. Please read this carefully.

Given the unique propensities of those who are faced with the issues of HPD, topics at times may be uncomfortable for non HP readers. Discussions related to HPD behavior are permitted here, within the context of deeper understanding of the commonalties shared by members. Indulging or encouraging these urges is not what this forum is intended for.

Conversations here can be triggering for those who have suffered abuse from HPDs. .
Non HPD users are welcome to post here, But their questions Must have a respectful tone.
If you are a NON and have issues with an past relationship with an HPD person, it is suggested that you Post in a Relationship forum. Here is a link to that forum: relationship/

For those who have no respect for either this illness or for those who are living with it, please do not enter this forum. Discrimination of Personality Disorders is not tolerated on this site.

Moderators are present here to ensure that members treat each other with dignity and respect. If topics become overly graphic or drift from having a healthy perspective, moderators will intervene.
Please feel free to contact a moderator if you have any questions or concerns.

Best Regards,
The Team

Re: Do they give a crap?

Postby Scarlett1939 » Sun Mar 20, 2011 3:37 am

I have to say this to you nons.......

DON'T buy into that crap of we hurt you BECAUSE we care for you. And no offense intended on that to the hps. But that is an excuse, a cop out, and a flat lie of the disorder itself. It is our get out of jail free card to go and do as we plaease, get caught and then squirm our way out of it.

Who hurts because you care or love someone. Any hp in therapy will come to realize this later. It is an excuse to get the non to not be upset with us anymore but is a load of crap.

I KNOW and used to think the same way.

You don't hurt the ones you love intentionally in the name of love. That is a fallacy.
Scarlett
User avatar
Scarlett1939
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 667
Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2009 4:12 pm
Local time: Sun Apr 20, 2014 7:06 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Do they give a crap?

Postby Scarlett1939 » Sun Mar 20, 2011 4:21 am

Of course I do not mind OK if you give me in an example.

And for the record for anyone and everyone reading this now before or later, I DO speak the truth in what I feel, think, in what I've done and am doing.

BUT..... I agree. We are all online here. We only have one common denominator that we can be sure of and that is HPD. Either non or the hp side. I do not expect anyone to believe some or all of what I say and that is your right to do so. I do not take offense to this at all. You would have to know me in my real life to see that no one would ever think I would have a disorder NOW because of the woman I became from the girl from my younger years.

So if you call BS on me then all I can do is give my account here and hope it at least helps someone even just the lurkers. I almost stopped posting this week all together due to frustration I had over drama here. But I was alerted to the fact that no matter if I feel like I'm helping the posters now I could be helping nons and hps later on. So I thought about it and for now will help where I can.

I do realize I am exception but I STILL feel a full blown HPD. CAN get better if they choose to. It IS SIMPLE when it comes down to that. Flawed or not

If an HP is getting ready to cross a busy highway and they start to step out without thinking and a car is coming they start to step and realize. Hey, if I cross now I will get hit by that car. They take a step back and CHOOSE to not get hit.

If that same hp is in a devaluing period of their steady and another source is lurking and comes along to give supply that hp can be TEMPTED but stop and think HEY, if I cheat with new supply I will hurt and loose my steady who I claim to love. THEY can CHOOSE to stop in their tracks and do an about face and NOT hurt the steady. Go to the steady and tell them I want to work things out and here are problems I had in past I want to overcome.

No matter what therapy you need or are getting to treat your disorder, the smoke filled mirrors you use to distract the therapist are only delaying your therapy from taking hold.

Scarlett
User avatar
Scarlett1939
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 667
Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2009 4:12 pm
Local time: Sun Apr 20, 2014 7:06 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do they give a crap?

Postby LifeSong » Sun Mar 20, 2011 7:00 am

Scarlett1939 wrote:. I almost stopped posting this week all together due to frustration I had over drama here. But I was alerted to the fact that no matter if I feel like I'm helping the posters now I could be helping nons and hps later on. So I thought about it and for now will help where I can.

Glad you changed your mind, Scarlett. I think you provide an alternative voice of HPD to the discussion. I'd hate to see you leave. Hope your vacation was enjoyable for you and the family.
Lifesong
LifeSong
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2577
Joined: Sun Jun 24, 2007 8:09 pm
Local time: Sun Apr 20, 2014 6:06 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do they give a crap?

Postby AliceWonders » Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:01 pm

NIcely put Scarlett,

But for those of who are still thick in the disorder, that is the mentality behind it- we do love them and that's why we hurt them.

Granted our love is twisted and unatural, we don't know HOW to love correctly, and our love is built on an unfounded/unrealistic basis of what we think love is; but what ever is wrong with our love that doesn't mean it's not there.

I believe the question was about that menatily not so much the reality behind behind it...


Aside from that, we must remember that none of these X's have been clinically diagnosed with HPD (nor have you for that matter) so maybe their mind doesn't work this way at all. Just because they acted badly in a relationship(s) doesn't mean they are disordered. HPD is long standing life long pattern of behaviour, not only involving the DSM description but many other aspects of disordered thoughts and behaviours. Along side that fact, the histrionic personality comes in many varrying degrees of severity; in that you can have a personality type (lighter) against a personality disorder (heavier) and can also be comorbid along side other disoerders and illness. No one is a position to make this diagnosis- which means we're acting purly on assumptions here.

In any case, debating this fact, and mentality is futile. Because it's so backwards and complext in its layers of fragmention, projection and transference, it's not something anyone will understand without pouring themselves in deep research and commiting themselves to finding that understanding. What I've been finding through my own research of the disorered mind is that this stuff is so deeply permiated into our psyches and estabnlished at such early stages of developement that the mal formation of our minds has become our 'normal' and many PD's have no idea they are disordered because of this fact alone. People who are truely disordered have no idea they are because they've always been this way- there's nothing wrong with 'them' it's the world that's wrong and unfair (the mentality before dianosis) hence why almost every clinically diagnosed case of PD is set upon someone unsuspecting, someone who who has sought help or been forced into therapy under another 'unrelated' psychological pretence.

Anyways, I'm done on this thread, I've said my piece.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth~Oscar Wilde

Ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together~Eugene Ionesco

Once you chose hope anything is possible~ Christopher Reeves
User avatar
AliceWonders
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2206
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 4:10 pm
Local time: Sun Apr 20, 2014 8:06 am
Blog: View Blog (3)

Re: Do they give a crap?

Postby treetop » Sun Mar 20, 2011 5:13 pm

I think perhaps they do give a crap when the source is giving them great supply - they don't want to lose that attention, and they feel 'love' and 'fondness' for that attention they are getting, not so much for the individual person.

I say this because my ex-friend would often claim how wonderful I was, how much she loved me - when I was basically her doormat. I would come to her rescue whenever she had an emotional crisis, validate her feelings and her side of the story completely and listen to her every woe. when I finally took a stand and woke up to what was going on, she claimed she never cared about me at all. and, at that moment, it was obvious she didn't give a fig if I lived or died. because as an attention source, I had run dry and was now expecting some reciprocation in the relationship.

in the early stages, she would claim that listening to me, complimenting me, ect was reciprocation - but I've since come to realize that the compliments and the sympathy were poured on whenever she wanted something from me. I think she did 'care' about me at that time because she loved the attention, therefore she was willing to 'give a little' to 'get a lot.'
treetop
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 531
Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2010 2:54 pm
Local time: Sun Apr 20, 2014 1:06 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do they give a crap?

Postby Run » Sun Mar 20, 2011 7:23 pm

OtherHPD wrote:Ok, let me help readers now and in the future:

Empathy is the understanding of another’s feelings. We (HPD’s) have more empathy in our transient thoughts then non’s have in a lifetime. Think of it this way; how can we be so good at manipulation, gaslighting, projection and getting you to accept blame for things WE have done if we didn’t understand your feelings and how they made you tick? How do you think it’s so easy to get along with us and in a few days feel like you’ve known us for a lifetime? We KNOW your feelings and how they affect you within minutes of meeting you. It’s like a HPD superpower. :twisted:

What we lack is sympathy; the capacity to share feelings or sorrow for another’s pain. That fits in to everything everyone has ever experienced with any of us. We do love, in our own way but when we don’t care about someone or something we can be cold and feel no sympathy at all.


I recognize this very well.
If I am that person, and I ask you: do you hate me? What is your answer?
Run
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 371
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:28 pm
Local time: Sun Apr 20, 2014 1:06 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do they give a crap?

Postby mr.johnnymac » Sun Mar 20, 2011 7:41 pm

Empathy has a deeper meaning, as it entails a lot more than just knowing what someone else is feeling:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy (for starters).

They don't share those feelings with those they hurt, and it is not connected to compassion-which empathy is considered a prerequisite for.

If they did, however, have empathy and still do what they did...it simply makes them all the worse.
"Passive Aggressive MasterpieceS"
User avatar
mr.johnnymac
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 203
Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 4:42 am
Local time: Sun Apr 20, 2014 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do they give a crap?

Postby Run » Sun Mar 20, 2011 7:56 pm

mr.johnnymac wrote:Empathy has a deeper meaning, as it entails a lot more than just knowing what someone else is feeling:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy (for starters).

They don't share those feelings with those they hurt, and it is not connected to compassion-which empathy is considered a prerequisite for.

If they did, however, have empathy and still do what they did...it simply makes them all the worse.


That's why it's a personality disorder. They think they are entitled to be that way. It is their truth. And as long no one is leaving them, they don't stop. Just when everybody's leaving them, they can get depressive and only then they can consider to go in therapy.
Run
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 371
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:28 pm
Local time: Sun Apr 20, 2014 1:06 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do they give a crap?

Postby OtherHPD » Mon Mar 21, 2011 1:03 pm

mr.johnnymac wrote:Empathy has a deeper meaning, as it entails a lot more than just knowing what someone else is feeling:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy (for starters).

They don't share those feelings with those they hurt, and it is not connected to compassion-which empathy is considered a prerequisite for.

If they did, however, have empathy and still do what they did...it simply makes them all the worse.


No, no it doesn’t. Please pull out a dictionary and look it up. I did and put it out in print straight from the source.

Wikipedia is NOT a recognized source for any serious consideration. There is no nationally accredited college that would allow Wikipedia to be a credible source for anything. Any adult knows it's there for amusement, not for factual reference.
You have to deal with what is real, like Webster’s, not someone else’s idea of what is real, like Wikipedia.

Please re-read my original post on this because it seems that you are still confusing empathy for sympathy. The sooner and better you understand the difference the sooner you can begin to have some understanding and closure in your life for what I can only guess was a very difficult time with an HPD which is why you came here in the first place. Or am I mistaken as to why you came to the boards?
Knowing/understanding the difference and how it relates to our (HPD) minds is essential to begin to understand why we think/act like we do. From that understanding you will be able to see and hopefully accept the fact that your failed relationship had nothing to do with you but solely with your HPD.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck and speed in the healing process.

@Run, can you clarify your question for me; If you are which person?
OtherHPD
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 424
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:10 pm
Local time: Sun Apr 20, 2014 9:06 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do they give a crap?

Postby Run » Mon Mar 21, 2011 8:00 pm

OtherHPD wrote:
mr.johnnymac wrote:Empathy has a deeper meaning, as it entails a lot more than just knowing what someone else is feeling:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy (for starters).

They don't share those feelings with those they hurt, and it is not connected to compassion-which empathy is considered a prerequisite for.

If they did, however, have empathy and still do what they did...it simply makes them all the worse.


No, no it doesn’t. Please pull out a dictionary and look it up. I did and put it out in print straight from the source.

Wikipedia is NOT a recognized source for any serious consideration. There is no nationally accredited college that would allow Wikipedia to be a credible source for anything. Any adult knows it's there for amusement, not for factual reference.
You have to deal with what is real, like Webster’s, not someone else’s idea of what is real, like Wikipedia.

Please re-read my original post on this because it seems that you are still confusing empathy for sympathy. The sooner and better you understand the difference the sooner you can begin to have some understanding and closure in your life for what I can only guess was a very difficult time with an HPD which is why you came here in the first place. Or am I mistaken as to why you came to the boards?
Knowing/understanding the difference and how it relates to our (HPD) minds is essential to begin to understand why we think/act like we do. From that understanding you will be able to see and hopefully accept the fact that your failed relationship had nothing to do with you but solely with your HPD.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck and speed in the healing process.

@Run, can you clarify your question for me; If you are which person?


If I am your victim, and I realize that, and I ask you: do you hate me? I am just curious what your answer as a HPD would be.
Run
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 371
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:28 pm
Local time: Sun Apr 20, 2014 1:06 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

PreviousNext

Return to Histrionic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 25 guests