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Emotional Vampires

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Emotional Vampires

Postby JA1029 » Sat Aug 14, 2010 3:51 pm

Just read "Emotional Vampires", well, the chapter on Histrionics anyway.

Answered the 20 questions on the Histrionic checklist. My wife was a definite yes on 14 of them and 4 others were pretty subjective. The paragraph says if they have more than 10 yes's then stay away.

The whole chapter is pretty much dead on how my wife operates. It talks a little about the passive-aggressive histrionic being incredibly needy. The first time I read it, it almost seemed like these women will treat you like a king as long as they get some attention in return.

Seems a bit like my wife.....however, she didn't get enough attention then totally devalued me, started rampant cheating, lying and all the horrible HPD stuff. The book didnt quite address that. It kind of alluded to the fact that these people can be dealt with by understanding them, although I'm not sure if that meant having a friendship/working relationship or an intimate one. Seems to me that they always tire of what they have, even the good, innocent girls.

Pretty interesting stuff.
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Re: Emotional Vampires

Postby JA1029 » Sun Aug 15, 2010 10:53 pm

Good link. Sorry if it's been posted before.

http://www.albernstein.com/id58.htm
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Re: Emotional Vampires

Postby uncleabe » Mon Aug 16, 2010 11:13 am

I didnt find the book that interesting or useful.

Just found most of it was related to the work place - dealing with an employee with HPD etc.

I didnt find there was nuch about being in a relationship with a HPD or the affect they have.

Also, his advice was all the same - actions not words etc etc.

I found the links posted on here for other sites where far better, they dealt with how we feel when relationships end with HPD and how to feel better and stronger.
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Re: Emotional Vampires

Postby JA1029 » Mon Aug 16, 2010 10:06 pm

Yeah, nothing much about relationships.

But it does talk quite a bit on how to spot one - if you've read this board a lot then most of it will be repetitive, but it does serve to drive home the point of what an HPD looks like.

I liked the piece about their motivations. It also was clear with the fact that HPDs are immature children who can only focus on their needs. They are not connected to anything higher than themselves (such as religion, morals, social norms) so everything they do is to meet their needs.

For me, the book helped me to understand that my wife definitely is an Emotional Vampire and that she will never change, so stay the heck away.
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Re: Emotional Vampires

Postby shadow-24 » Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:00 pm

"Emotional Vampires"?
I had heard / read that being used to refer to some people with Borderline PD. So is it also used to describe people with HPD?
I'm asking because, two days ago, I was attacked by who until then was my girlfriend and, in the middle of the vicious yelling, hitting, pushing, and insulting, at some point she started to yell at me "emotional vampire!!", "emotional vampire!!". My instant inner reaction was "are you talking about me or you?", but not really knowing why.
I wonder why she would keep telling me that, when it is rather me the one who has invested a lot of emotional attention, caring, support... Could have this been an "HPD projection moment"?
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Re: Emotional Vampires

Postby thefool » Sat Aug 04, 2012 12:29 am

Sorry to be a blow in have not read the whole thread but the those books can be the devil. They sort of label and categorise anyone with a personality disorder or mental illness that matter that is not being managed as an "emotional vampire."

HPD is a condition like bipolar, like autism, like borderline personality (which of course is considered an emotional vampire as well) maybe not as physically bad as bipolar or as self destructive in mutilation ways as BPD but it is still not chosen by the patient or sufferer to have been born or end up with Histrionic Personality Disorder.

I have met one candidate for HPD in my life and she was a real bad person to be around but maybe for me and my issues because i need supportive friends or patient ones but other people got on okay with her. She lost a lot of friends and slept with a lot of friends boyfriends amongst many other HPD traits but i know she was sick at that moment.

A book can not diagnosis someone of any disorder because the symptoms can apply or relate to just about anyone or someone you know at some point in life.

"Emotional vampire" is such an ugly term to describe someone suffering such illnesses.
"what doesn't kill you makes you wish you were dead.
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Re: Emotional Vampires

Postby orion13213 » Sat Aug 04, 2012 1:56 am

Another book in sorta the same vein is

"How to Spot a Histrionic Personality" [Kindle Edition]
Joe Navarro (Author)


Interesting read, written by a retired FBI Agent. A lot of the text is interchangeable with the author's other volume "How to Spot a Borderline Personality" ...but perhaps this just reflects the sometimes close or overlapping relationship between HPD and BPD.
Also, because this book seems to be largely intended for Non's who can go no contact before crossing the enmeshment line (the author's view seems to be only shrinks can help HPD's), people with HPD who are contemplating recovery, or those Nons with HPD family members, probably won't be inspired or feel hope in reading this book (potential trigger).

A particularly worthwhile part of the book is the extensive 150 item HPD checklist, a useful exercise if you think you have just met someone with HPD, or if you think you have a friend who might be HPD (or HPD/BPD)...in that case, this book could give you good information to further inform your compassion for friends or family members suffering from HPD.
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Re: Emotional Vampires

Postby orion13213 » Sat Aug 04, 2012 2:18 am

shadow-24 wrote:"Emotional Vampires"?
I had heard / read that being used to refer to some people with Borderline PD. So is it also used to describe people with HPD?
I'm asking because, two days ago, I was attacked by who until then was my girlfriend and, in the middle of the vicious yelling, hitting, pushing, and insulting, at some point she started to yell at me "emotional vampire!!", "emotional vampire!!". My instant inner reaction was "are you talking about me or you?", but not really knowing why.
I wonder why she would keep telling me that, when it is rather me the one who has invested a lot of emotional attention, caring, support... Could have this been an "HPD projection moment"?


She might have already read that book in an effort to understand what she suffers from (although this might not have been the best book to read if you suffer from HPD), and then projected it onto you in what sounds like a classic 'blame storm.'

Interestingly, a probable HPD person I have known seems to have a good understanding of narcissism. It seems that people who suffer from PD's can often accurately spot disordered symptoms and traits in others, although it is more of a challenge to see, understand and admit to the same within themselves.

But when they can, it's called self awareness and/or recovery (truly beautiful :D ).
Be tolerant of others, but true to yourself. In supporting you, I try to offer common sense. PM me if you need to.
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Re: Emotional Vampires

Postby crystal_richardson_ » Sat Aug 04, 2012 8:16 am

that book is horrible I would not recommend it..
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Re: Emotional Vampires

Postby masquerade » Sat Aug 04, 2012 8:25 am

I haven't read it so I can't comment. A lot of people have said that it has been an eye opener for them, whilst others have said that they dislike it and feel that it is triggering for people with disorders. It seems to be a book that people either love or hate, from what I have heard, rather like the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". I am going to buy it, and the book that Orion suggested, and then I'll be able to give my opinion.
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