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Will Your Ex Hpd Be Better With The New Guy--Article

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Will Your Ex Hpd Be Better With The New Guy--Article

Postby jmac » Mon Aug 02, 2010 2:03 am

Hi,

I posted this link on another thread but thought many of you may take comfort in reading it:

http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/09 ... e-new-guy/

The author is a pd professional who focusus mainly upon men who were in troubled relationships with hpd/npd/bpd women.

Cheers.
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Re: Will Your Ex Hpd Be Better With The New Guy--Article

Postby Normal? » Mon Aug 02, 2010 6:59 am

Jmac

Thanks for posting this link - this is a great site.

The following rang more than a few bells (not in a tinkly way but in a unharmonious jarring one!):


1. When a woman like your ex tells you other men are pursuing her, it’s oftentimes confabulation, exaggeration or an out and out lie. She does this to make herself feel desirable and appear like an irresistible siren to others. I had an acquaintance in college who used to go on and on about guys who were “so in love with her.” By chance, I met one of these men at a lecture. We were introduced and I said, “I feel like I know you already, Frank. Dorothy’s told me a lot about you.” He looked confused and then I had to explain who Dorothy was. Turns out, she sat near him in an accounting class and he let her borrow a pen once. He wasn’t “madly in love with her,” he barely remembered her.

2. “My ex(es) won’t leave me alone/my co-worker won’t stop flirting with me/dozens of men on Facebook want to date me” is a control tactic she uses to destabilize you, make you feel insecure and get you to psychologically invest in fighting to keep her from being “snatched” away by would-be suitors. She’s trying to control you with the threat of loss of the relationship. The message is: “If you don’t do as I say, put up with my crap and treat me like a Queen, Joe is waiting in the wings to take me away, so don’t you forget it.” If you’re not afraid to lose her, this (usually) empty ploy falls flat.

3. Oftentimes there really is another man or men waiting in the wings. Never underestimate the number of people who are willing to take a number and wait in line for their share of abuse. And, let’s face it, many of these women are incredibly attractive and can be very charming when they’re trying to suck you in. However, you know firsthand the monster that lies beneath the surface and how quickly her charms fade.

I recommend that you retire from active duty and let the new enlistee have at her. You’ll probably find him knocking around this site in 6 months to a year because he too will eventually be right where you are now. And so the cycle begins again and again and again.
This should have been a noble creature:
A goodly frame of glorious elements,
Had they been wisely mingled; as it is,
It is an awful chaos—light and darkness,
And mind and dust, and passions and pure thoughts,
Mix’d, and contending without end or order,
All dormant or destructive.
Normal?
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Re: Will Your Ex Hpd Be Better With The New Guy--Article

Postby okherewego » Mon Aug 02, 2010 12:38 pm

Yep, they will be responsible for thier own karma.

My ex is currently having an affair, with some married guy, with a history of coming onto every woman that will have him. Most woman of any class or respect for themselves see right through him. She is now currently a mistress in a dead end relationship. She text me, to tell me all about this wonderful new challenge for her.I assume to make me jealous, in some warped way. All it did, is make me more aware of how much better off I am, in knowing she will never change. Also,that I got out of my relationship with her, before getting in too deep!

I could not imagine what the married guys or guys that have kids with these women, are going through. I am so lucky, that I can just walk away and have her out of my life, with no attachements. Try your best guys, to move on, knowing you are doing the right thing for all involved. Especially your kids. At least they will have one stable loving home in the future. To stay in these relationships is toxic for all.

I never seeked revenge, and know you don't have to do that. They will take care of that, all by themselves. Pity really.

I do remember meeting him, and thought she was a little taken by him. He is a bad boy! I assume he will just use her for awhile, unless she gets her hooks into him. His poor wife and kids.

I am not sure who will come out the worse in this case! lol God,to think I was actually involved with someone like this. Beware of long distance relationship's and online dating! lol You never know what you will get....take your time and get to know thier friends and family and history, before getting into deep. History and past behavior, are great predictors of the future. Remember that.
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Re: Will Your Ex Hpd Be Better With The New Guy--Article

Postby highroad » Mon Aug 02, 2010 5:57 pm

This is a good site.

Here's my favorite:

"This kind of woman unravels when she’s not in a relationship and receiving attention. She doesn’t have a core identity."

My ex-HPD once mentioned to a mutual friend that she had no identity. Between her current flame and the one before, she said she was "... lonely, lonely, lonely".
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Re: Will Your Ex Hpd Be Better With The New Guy--Article

Postby jmac » Tue Aug 03, 2010 12:38 am

I'm glad you guys like this site. It has gobs of pin point articles...just go to the top and hit the shirnk4men index button where you can browse the titles of many excellent articles.

Then, as you may have already noticed, there is a forum like this one you can join. It is a good place for support and is 100% towards 'men' who are dealing with disordered women :wink:

j
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Re: Will Your Ex Hpd Be Better With The New Guy--Article

Postby compton » Tue Aug 03, 2010 10:21 am

Is it just me or does that shrink4men forum seem a little diffuse and chaotic?
I think it comes from having all the cluster B victims in one forum.
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