I have a hard time answering your post, because I can't see what you are wanting in your relationship with this girl.
Maybe you should answer that for yourself, and then figure out whether it's even possible.
psyklon wrote:Not sure. She's dating material but ...
Jay Mack wrote:Psyklon, I'm guessing that the length of your test will last only as long as she has you strongly "idealized". If you're "the guy" that she believes she wants long term then she may suffer through some of your diagnosis for some length of time. Otherwise she'll move on to some other unwitting soul who doesn't create such confusion over her behaviours.
It's important to remember, though, that normal women (and maybe men to some extent) do the idealisation/devaluation cycle too! I'm certain you've heard "I just don't see what I ever saw in him" about an ex? One of the keys to staying in the idealisation phase is to not let them push you around. If you do, it becomes a habit. You allow them to take control of you. They then hold you in contempt because if they can push you around, they see you as weak. This is when devaluation comes in. The way to avoid this and stay in the idealisation cycle is to never allow yourself to become weak and passive and manipulated. You earn their respect by standing up to them. Maybe there are women out there who don't work on this dynamic... but I know there are an awful lot of women, especially histrionics, who do.
psyklon wrote:Hi all, I'm the classic lurker that after a while decides to step in.
le) and..EUREKA...how come I didn't realize before she was a histrionic, a really easy to spot personal disorder.
psyklon wrote:To be the one controlling the relationship, confront her on her PD and see how she reacts.
psyklon wrote:One of the things I had to do in order to keep (at least some..) control of the relationship was to let her contact me and never let it be the other way around. I won't fool myself here, she does keep some control but it's also a way to make sure she still has motivation to keep in touch with me, etc.
psyklon wrote:Second thing, most complicated : confrontation. I didn't do it at once. I started suggesting her things like ''have you ever
... I know how she behaves which possibly converts me in someone different from the rest.
psyklon wrote:She doesn't seem to be completely aware of how she affects men or other people. I tried to be pushy and she insisted she doesn't know why random guys keep wanting to date her but I think she's not being manipulative or lying, histrionic and all.
psyklon wrote:Right now she's in her down time so I'm sure she will try finding some guy to increase her sense of self worth, still, I'm not decided that this can be due to external factors or it's part of the HPD. I cannot think of a better time to keep ''testing'' her than in her down time, only problem can be that this can exacerbate her depression and I'm not that much of a sadist.
psyklon wrote:Bear in mind that she played the game with a worse freak than herself don't worry, I'm fine with being a ''freak'' that wants to control human relationships, some of you may want to diagnose me. You can try but my main intention is to have more insights on this. I'm prepared for any scenario (she telling random $#%^ to friends, etc, etc) with her but I want to keep this little experiment of mine as long as possible.
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