Dude, no offense, but you are part of the problem here. You left a wife of twenty-five years for a younger honey that you thought would give you neverending good sex?
AGCDEFG, I understand how you can think this, but, the truth is that our marriage was over 12 years earlier after she had cheated on me with another woman (the last straw) and I just stayed in the pocket another 12 years to help raise my step-son who was only 12 at the time and was bonded very close to me. After he graduated college and my best friend (my dog) died, I knew it was time to leave and that is when Tammy came into my life. I was on my way out the door anyway. Tammy was the catalyst. I had no kids with my wife.
Maybe you can tell your ex how sorry you are that you did such a dysfunctional thing and maybe she'll take you back.
I have no desire to do so. Since I met Tammy, I'm completely opened up and feel like I've lived a lifetime in the four short years we've been together.
MO what you feel for this woman his lust, not love. Regardless of what she is, both of you have done some bad stuff and don't seem to really be in love. Lust isn't love.
Again, I can understand your thinking here, but, it is so far from the the truth. We danced to "Stand by Me" in front of Nostradam in Paris on the Rhine at 2am to the full moon. We have magical times when we are together bouncing and playing all around the city. Going to museums. And at times, when I look into her eyes, all I see is pure love. Yes, the carnal lust is there for sure and that must be the absolute glue that has so obsessed, but, the love is there too. Half the time it is pure bliss and the other half is pure hell and from day to day, I don't know what to expect. Right now things are perfect, but, tomorrow, who knows. She could take 3 klonopins, drink some wine, and who knows where the wind blows. But it doesn't matter if she is abusing or not, it's hot, it's cold. She loves me and needs me then she hates me and pushes me away. And it's just not about me. She has tremendous fits of anger about the most insignificant events and I just have to let her play it out. And then there is the drama and the constant lying even when there isn't a reason to lie.
You show such great judgment that I'd just advise you to keep following your instincts.
Insincerity, I appreciate your sincerity. Hey, man, at least I made it to here. I'm so far gone at this stage, I'd die for her in a second if need be. Yeah, I think I can use a bit of help right now. Judgement is based on logic and this love affair or my addiction to my HPD is anything but logical. To be honest with you, bro, I take it day by day and try to stay in the moment. My mind wants to dig myself out, but, my heart is trapped and I can't walk away. She has an endless supply in me and she knows it. I think she's addicted to. The whole thing is lethal to both of us.
Instead of focusing on a clinical diagnosis of HPD vs BPD for your ex, suggest you focus on the above description as well as the quote below describing your breakup. It fits very closely with the collective experience of many HPD victims on here.
Caro, thanks for the advice. It makes complete sense to do that.
My opinion - it really doesn't matter what label you put on her disorder. The important thing is that you recognize that your relationship with her is not healthy and that you get help in getting out and recovering from it. Part of that is finding support among people with similar experience - which is where this board comes in.
Well, I'm here my friend, and I'm certainly glad you and the others are here for support. This board actually got me through a very hard time this past couple of days. Finding you people has been a blessing. I guess we'll see what happens. Right now, I am just numb to it all. It's great to talk to others that can relate. I thought I was alone on this one.
She made it impossible for me to contact her. Restraining orders and all that. I had no idea what I did. She said I had anger issues and that she was afraid of me. I was angry at her for walking out when I needed her most, but, I wasn't violent or anything like that. Plus, I had to go for another heart stent surgery and she just couldn't handle that and me losing my job at the same time. She freaked and the situation triggered and magnified the HPD symptoms. I didn't even recognize her. When I was gone for a couple of days, she actually broke into my apartment and vandalized it. She had to hate me to leave me. Whatever, I didn't even know about HPD. I wish I did. Several weeks went by with no contact - maybe an email here and there - because we had joint accounts that needed to be closed and stuff like that, but, the emails were all short and terse. I'll check out the link you posted. Thanks.
Very Important: You CAN NOT save or fix another person. You can save yourself.
You'd think, after all these years (I'm 54), I'd know that. I just don't think I can walk on this one. Not yet, but, tomorrow never knows. I do have an open mind. The problem is my heart.
Thanks everyone for your feedback and advice. I look forward to spending more time here.