Do all HPD women cheat?

Do most HPD women have a tendency to cheat on their partners?
Do they pursue several men simultaneously in the early stages of dating? Or do they start cheating only once they feel they have "hooked" the man?

HPDs need attention and to be the centre of attention. Whilst in the early stages of dating they may well be getting all the attention they need from 1 individual and they will put all their energy into "hooking" that individual. Once they have been hooked however this is where the "boredom" will set in and they will turn their attentions to others.

When you say "cheating" do you mean actually having physical/sexual contact with others or would you count excessive flirting? I believe that it is the attention the HPD craves which is why they flirt. Sex is not the aim for them but will be used as a tool to get attention.

Thankfully, I only have experience from just one, but I would guess a whole lot of them cheat emotionally with what a non would call their "fan club". These are the adoring men/women they seek their emotional feed from and some HPD's my select just one for sex, others may pick multiple fans. Probably depending on their physical characteristics, they may get pursued, or if not too attractive, they may have to do the pursuing. But the beauty queens whether they are single, engaged or married will always have men after them and if they're an HP they will never be able to completely turn the attention away and the resulting glee an HP expresses is what has caused the emotional havoc for so many of us on here. Still others, may not physically cheat until they have devalued you and plan on leaving, no doubt, for one they already have lined up.

Yes they always cheat no matter how well you game them because they need the validation and attention from new guys constantly. They may pursue several men in the beginning until they find their 'main guy' who triggers their ideal love fantasy. They will stay with and chase this man but have usually short flings with other guys to keep proving that they are still desirable and sometimes to attempt to provoke jealousy in their main guy. They always have other potential guys waiting in case you fvck up by genuinely caring for them or getting overly jealous.

Jay - You got it spot on, mate.

They may pursue several men in the beginning until they find their 'main guy' who triggers their ideal love fantasy. They will stay with and chase this man but have usually short flings with other guys to keep proving that they are still desirable and sometimes to attempt to provoke jealousy in their main guy.

asphyx - This "main guy who triggers their ideal love fantasy" may be true in the dating scenario. But when it comes to marriage, HPDs will typically choose a "safe" guy - one who stays with them no matter what and will provide for them in the long run. This is because marrying a guy who triggers the ideal love fantasy is too big a risk - they very well realize that such a guy would be in high demand with other women - and HPDs being very territorial would never want such a scenario. If they ever get into such a scenario it is because of an error of judgement of their target as husband material.

HPD women typically marry men much below their own level for various reasons, and carry the "ideal main guy" in their mind. Marrying a man whom they don't really desire also helps them keep control of the relationship, while seeking attention from other men outside the marriage. This doesn't mean that they might not leave the marriage and the miserable husband - if they are on an emotional low-ebb and suddenly a better option comes their way, and the husband seems controlling and engages in passive-aggressiveness, they might leave the marriage suddenly.

HPDs don't have the same concept of "faithfulness" as normals have. For them, being faithful means "not getting caught" - infact they don't have a consistent definition at all - it depends on their emotional situation at that time. They are too flighty and live "in the moment" to adhere to a set of definitions for life.

Many HPDs may not cheat physically, but they generally don't understand the concept of "emotional cheating" at all. They are so given to emotional expression, that they often do not know when they cross the line to emotional cheating, and if you ever confront them with it, they will be completely bewildered and angry - and even accuse of being jealous and controlling.

newtohpd wrote:But when it comes to marriage, HPDs will typically choose a "safe" guy - one who stays with them no matter what and will provide for them in the long run.

newtohpd wrote:Marrying a man whom they don't really desire also helps them keep control of the relationship, while seeking attention from other men outside the marriage.

Both very true also of the HPD male. I was the "safe" girl, the caretaker and provider. He really wasn't attracted to me sexually and met those needs outside the relationship. (although you could argue that the primary need was for attention and excitement, not sexual gratification, anyway).

As for the original question.... I'm sure you could always find exceptions, especially among those somewhere along the spectrum between "normal" and "HPD". But from the collective experience of HPD victims on the forum: it is very common, and in fact a key characteristic, for cheating to occur in a relationship with an HPD.

c

My recently ex-wife has been married 3 times, and had two live in boyfriends. I discovered that she physically cheated on all of us, sometimes in the most outrageous manner possible.

The part of choosing someone that is less desirable resonated with me. Her second husband was a quiet, plain looking guy who always thought that she was out of his "league" . She lasted the longest with him-11 years. He was too clueless to see the cheating- even when he had the lovers wives showing angrily up at his door. ("clueless" was his description-not mine).

It is impossible to say this without sounding conceited, but I have always been told that I was very handsome. I have also stayed in very good shape for my age (48). I think my wife initially went after me because I was some kind of authority figure (I was her martial arts instructor). Unlike her second husband,(her first only lasted a year until he divorced her for multiple physical affairs) I was bothered by her words not seeming to make sense against her actions. I ended up watching her carefully, and sure enough she was sleeping with two other guys (and one girl). She had always been excited about sex-until one day she wasn't. It was that abrupt.

But, once I confronted her, I was history.

She told me once " I was always pretty loyal to whomever I was with"- something that I laughed at when I caught her. But now I think she was telling her somewhat diseased version of the truth. She WAS loyal to whomever she was with=that person just might not be her present husband and might not be the person she was "with" yesterday.

I believe that most all cheat. They just can't help it. The old guy didn't fix what they hate about themselves so it's on to the next guy who REALLY will fix them this time. (or girl for male HPD's) .

And yes, I think the cheating is physical as well as emotional almost 100% of the time.

decentguy wrote:Do most HPD women have a tendency to cheat on their partners?
Do they pursue several men simultaneously in the early stages of dating? Or do they start cheating only once they feel they have "hooked" the man?

Yes, many do. It also depends on how you define cheating. It doesn't necessarily involve actual intercourse if the HPD's can gain the high from their "supply" without it. My thoughts are that many cheat, in the physical sense, because they haven't hooked their target.

sofrance1 wrote:HPDs need attention and to be the centre of attention. Whilst in the early stages of dating they may well be getting all the attention they need from 1 individual and they will put all their energy into "hooking" that individual. Once they have been hooked however this is where the "boredom" will set in and they will turn their attentions to others.

Could not agree more - but its not only being centre of attention that HPD's require - its the affirmation and validation from the person they have 'hooked' that they are a wonderful, engaging, better than average person. Once they have got used to receiving the attention and support from that individual, the supply loses its impact - i.e. its not having the effect of satisfying their needs like it did in the beginning. The last thing the HPD wants to do is have to deal with any of their own issues, so they look for an alternate source - a different brand of attention, desire, love etc and so it goes on.. BTW if anyone doesn't realize - my HPD is my husband (we do not live together and will be divorcing).

newtohpd wrote:HPDs don't have the same concept of "faithfulness" as normals have. For them, being faithful means "not getting caught" - infact they don't have a consistent definition at all - it depends on their emotional situation at that time. They are too flighty and live "in the moment" to adhere to a set of definitions for life.

How true - this is how they are able to move from person to person - like a moth dancing around to the next bright candle flame hoping that this bright flame will be the right one for them.

l cringe when l remember how l was before l started my therapy. l cheated on every partner l was with, had affairs with friends husbands and felt no remorse whatsoever, none at all. l chose two types of men - narcissists or inexperienced geeky types whom l could seduce, playing the part of the experienced femme fatale. Normal, decent, reliable men bored me. l had three relationships with alcoholics, one was extremely abusive and that did affect me quite badly, but l went into that relationship because of the intensity and the roller coaster dramaatics. l never felt love for any of these men. The only time l felt that giddy "in love" feeling was when l was seventeen, with rather a wild biker. l still cheated on him though. l have moved a long way in my therapy and do not like the person l used to but still have a long way to go. There is nothing l would like better than to meet someone l could truly love and be loved by, but l need to do a lot of work on myself first, and have resigned myself to the fact that, sadly, l may never reach that stage. l am learning to feel validated by self acceptance, rather than seeking men to validate me, which is what l did in the past and it is a long, long journey, and at times quite a lonely one. However l would rather be lonely and learning self awareness than lonely in a relationship that began for all the wrong reasons. For the time being l have made a pact not to get involved at all. Period.