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Do all HPD women cheat?

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Re: Do all HPD women cheat?

Postby Principled Man » Tue Jun 01, 2010 10:35 am

janey wrote:l cringe when l remember how l was before l started my therapy. l cheated on every partner l was with, had affairs with friends husbands and felt no remorse whatsoever, none at all. l chose two types of men - narcissists or inexperienced geeky types whom l could seduce, playing the part of the experienced femme fatale. Normal, decent, reliable men bored me. l had three relationships with alcoholics, one was extremely abusive and that did affect me quite badly, but l went into that relationship because of the intensity and the roller coaster dramaatics. l never felt love for any of these men. The only time l felt that giddy "in love" feeling was when l was seventeen, with rather a wild biker. l still cheated on him though. l have moved a long way in my therapy and do not like the person l used to but still have a long way to go. There is nothing l would like better than to meet someone l could truly love and be loved by, but l need to do a lot of work on myself first, and have resigned myself to the fact that, sadly, l may never reach that stage. l am learning to feel validated by self acceptance, rather than seeking men to validate me, which is what l did in the past and it is a long, long journey, and at times quite a lonely one. However l would rather be lonely and learning self awareness than lonely in a relationship that began for all the wrong reasons. For the time being l have made a pact not to get involved at all. Period.


Whoa, this sounds exactly like the woman I was just involved in. I'm the inexperienced geeky type but with that intense alcoholic edge. She couldn't help herself. :wink: Good for you swearing off relationships for awhile, but remember there is only so much growth one can do in self-examination. The real growth comes from trying to apply the theory. You will make mistakes and that's ok. When it happens promptly admit it, to yourself first of all and to others (unless doing so would cause more harm), learn from it and try again.
"The hell to be endured hereafter, of which theology tells, is no worse than the hell we make for ourselves in this world by habitually fashioning our characters in the wrong way."
~William James
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Re: Do all HPD women cheat?

Postby janey » Tue Jun 01, 2010 5:33 pm

Yes, there is only so much growth one can do in self examination, but l am not ready to apply the theory yet, for then it would be an experiment. Sure, l would learn from my mistakes, but if l were to enter into a relationship now, l know that the old patterns would return and l have become sufficiently self aware and empathic enough to know that it would not be fair to the man in question. l do not want to cause anyone emotional damage. l will know when the time is right and l will be extremely tentative, reaching out slowly, gradually, not rushing into things. l will develop a friendship before it becomes in any way sexual. l am too vulnerable, too needy, too narcissistic at the moment to contemplate a relationship, but l will never say never.
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Re: Do all HPD women cheat?

Postby compton » Fri Jun 04, 2010 2:43 am

In my experience of loving one, the HPD regards herself as extremely loyal throughout her love life, perhaps admitting to one or two affairs that she deeply regrets. I heard: "I was faithful to Y all through 2005, while he was traveling the world, having fun."
Then you remind her of the fling she told you about which took place in summer of 2005. She doesn't expect you to remember times and dates, and frowns irritably. But without missing a beat she says: "I was not actually with Y at that particular time. Feelings change. Sometime I think I no longer love someone. Then later I realize, you know what, I really do love that person. But when I've actually been in love with someone, I've never cheated on him."
It sounds like absurdly convenient logic. And the HPD would never for a moment let her own lover get away with that kind of sophistry.
But to her own mind, I think it really does make sense.

Another response of course: Sex is not really being with someone, not really cheating in the true sense; "I was never actually with that guy that I spend a week having sex with". But this kind of rationalization is only interesting because we tend to associate it with men and not women. The first kind of rationalization is more interesting, typically HPD.
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Re: Do all HPD women cheat?

Postby uncleabe » Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:22 pm

Blunt and simple answer in my experience is Yes.

Ex - first serious boyfriend, sent him home from seeing her parents (parents live in South America) so she could sleep with an very old flame (even told me how unenjoyable the whole experience was), then dumped first boyfriend for 2nd serious boyfriend while at university

2nd serious boyfriend - started to cheat with someone he knew while back visting friends in the city they used to live in

me - saw her kissing a work colleague at the party to celebrate us moving into our new house together
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Re: Do all HPD women cheat?

Postby neurhope » Thu Jul 22, 2010 7:44 am

Well, I'm definitely saying "never". I have sworn off relationships FOR LIFE. I am very committed to not having a boyfriend ever again. I figure I can't hurt anyone if I'm not involved with anyone.
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Re: Do all HPD women cheat?

Postby asphyx » Thu Jul 22, 2010 11:40 am

neurhope wrote:Well, I'm definitely saying "never". I have sworn off relationships FOR LIFE. I am very committed to not having a boyfriend ever again. I figure I can't hurt anyone if I'm not involved with anyone.


LoL I've heard that one before. Girls are too obsessed with boys and relationships to actually go through with that so I'd give it about a month before you meet some new guy who is 'different from the rest' who pushes the right buttons and your whole 'no relationships' vow goes out the window. :wink:

It's just like the girl who says 'I'm NEVER dating an abusive guy again! I want a nice guy!' and we all know how that works out lmao.
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Re: Do all HPD women cheat?

Postby honeybun » Thu Jul 22, 2010 1:30 pm

sofrance1 wrote:
"HPDs need attention and to be the centre of attention. Whilst in the early stages of dating they may well be getting all the attention they need from 1 individual and they will put all their energy into "hooking" that individual. Once they have been hooked however this is where the "boredom" will set in and they will turn their attentions to others."

That's wierd...how come this is a disorder for a woman, but completely normal for a guy?
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Re: Do all HPD women cheat?

Postby neurhope » Mon Jul 26, 2010 5:02 am

Nah, actually, it's been more than a year since I've sworn off relationships. I'm definitely sticking to the decision to not be in one. This year has been fantastic. Friendship is so much better than romantic relationships. I'm not young; it's definitely time to give up.
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Re: Do all HPD women cheat?

Postby asphyx » Mon Jul 26, 2010 5:29 am

honeybun wrote:sofrance1 wrote:
"HPDs need attention and to be the centre of attention. Whilst in the early stages of dating they may well be getting all the attention they need from 1 individual and they will put all their energy into "hooking" that individual. Once they have been hooked however this is where the "boredom" will set in and they will turn their attentions to others."

That's wierd...how come this is a disorder for a woman, but completely normal for a guy?


???

That is not normal for a guy... AT ALL. Guys crave sex, not attention like women, so what would be the point?
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