Question about HPD and their personal reality

Hi all,
Since I 'discovered' my male partner is HPD I have read and read and read so many posts on this forum which have really helped me. Like most of you, when I first started reading I had many of those 'OMG' eye opener moments happen when I found I was reading MY story from so many of you (even tho my HPD is male). One thing I'm still not sure of though so I thought I would throw it out there. Ive read much research and info on HPD and understand that it is most unlikely for someone to have 'pure' HPD, that usually there is a comorbidity or overlap with other cluster B PD traits.

ANYWAY, let me get to my point - I want to hear (read) if any others out there had HPD partners who made up totally fictional and deluded stories of their past? Let me best clarify what I mean with an example-my HPD talks about having a 'ten year gap' in his CV (resume) because he was in a 'special op's' service group - top secret Maxwell Smart kinda shit. He was in the RAAF for ten years but he was a mailroom then transport guy - nothing glam. He now works in security and there is NO 'missing ten years' as he claims - his 'story' is so full of holes its ridiculous -altho he doesnt seem to be able to see this! I was raised in a military family, on military bases and I'm not stupid or niave which I pointed out to him on many occassions. He knows (and used to throw it at me when i confronted him about a lie) that I didnt believe a word of his bloody 'made up past' but he has never relented in occasionally referring to it (eg 'the things Ive done, seen', ref to having an off shore bank account but cant access it for god knows whatever reasons). ACtually, he used to try to use my disbelief as a throw it back at me that how could he possibly make me believe him about other things (when I caught him in a lie) when I think he lives in a 'deluded alternate reality' anyway (oh, all those totally circular, illogical and frustrating confrontations!) I totally believe that he really does believe this 'false/made up' personal history. He even had 'one shot, three kill' engraved on his Zippo (metal lighter) as he claims that was his 'personal best' - yet he once tried to ellicit pity from me by telling me he still wakes up in the middle of the night with cold sweats from nightmares he has about the atrocious things he's done o/s as part of his 'secret life'. Mind you, he said this to me during one of the numerous times when I tried to end the relationship as a 'your the only person i can talk to about it' sympathy kinda tactic. He also takes parts of other peoples backgrounds and incorporates them as his own personal history. Is this a 'normal (lol)' HPD characteristic? Has anyone else experienced not just a distortion or justification but a totally deluded bogus (and I think actually believed-by the HPD) history?

I knew my ex since HS so I don't think he had the opportunity to try this with me. However, he did exaggerate and lie to the press when doing PR related to his job, to such an extent that they eventually began to ignore him.

And I am unfortunately still mentally unraveling the lies and distortions that made up our 15 year history together. This just started a couple of months ago: I'll be going about my day and all of a sudden get a flash of a memory... then reinterpret it in terms of what I know now. Eventually hoping that will stop.

As for the comorbidity, I can see some overlap with NPD, but most recently, with antisocial PD. I try not to get too wrapped up in the definitions. I'm just thankful for the diagnosis of HPD that led me to this board, because it's helped me find support from a great bunch of people with very similar experiences. Beyond that, I don't much care about labels.

I've known 2 NPD males............from working in a factory that once had 1,000 employees.

And yes both these NPD's had obvious B.S. "special ops stories"..........

Its a way to prop up their false ego................



Now my EX who was an HPD "godess"................

Her B.S. stories were how she had spent time with Jim Morrison etc............

Yep she did have a million boy-friends............but Jim Morrison ..............don't think so........

People with personality disorders can become dissociated from reality and merge their fantasies with reality, often altering their histories even in their own heads to fit their "ideal persona" better.

Thanks guys. I should really stop spending too much mental energy pondering and trying to accurately diagnose his condition, shouldn't I??!! lol

Caro - I relate to what you said (bloody hell we all say that a lot on this forum!) I too, have those moments where little things pop up into my head and I have to reinterpret the whole memory - thats one of the hard things about a HPD rel - the realisation that the bulk of the rel was misinterpretted by us and certain memories become invalidated or are realised as not as we thought they were. It sux, you cant even look back on the 'honeymoon' period and know that that at least was genuine . Hopefully saturation point will be sooner rather than later. I'm back at uni on Monday so thankbloodygod I will have something to redirect my thoughts and intellect towards. I have realised that I am a danger to myself when I have too much free time!