Well Oakly..I am not sure I have read a post on this forum yet that could be my exact words! I truly could have written every word that you said.
You know, most people on this forum have had an HPD relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend. In my situation and your situation, it is a friendship. We don't live with the person or are married to them ,so it takes us longer to realize something is really wrong. I think that is why you have been friends with this girl for so long and in my particular case, my friendship lasted nearly the same amount of time. Go back and look at my other posts. It will educate you on my story. I also know that personality disorders generally do not manifest themselves until mid-20's and they usually get worse as people age. That is why she was probably shy and reserved when you first met her.
I know exactly how you feel when it comes to a draining friendship. My friend, Ginger, would call sometimes 12-14x/day and then get mad if I could not put everything down to talk to her. I am a mother of 3 kids, have a great husband and cherish the time we have as a family. She would call and just make such a nuisance of herself knowing we have people over, are having dinner, etc. She has even been known to come by the house and look in the windows if I did not answer the phone.
I was always a devoted friend to her even though I knew she had some "insecurity" problems or something. I thought it was interesting that you posted that your friend basically was trying to take on characteristics of you. Mine did the same thing. I have always been a "good" girl- never getting into alot of trouble, have never slept around, and have always kept myself in church and had a relationship with God. When I met Ginger, I knew she had had a wilder past, but she slowly started turning into me. She began to dress like me, wear her hair like me, get involved in church and even had the same tastes and interests. Now that I look back that is the facade that she hid behind. She wanted and still does want people to think she is just this little wonderful, christian girl who would never hurt a flea!
As you will read in my other posts, she began to seduce my husband behind my back. Of course she blameshifted the whole thing on him and she did nothing wrong. Other guy friends of ours would always say she was a flirt with them in front of their wives-but HPDs have such an incredible need for affirmation because they are so empty on the inside, that they will do ANYTHING for supply. I, like you, could see thru the "fake", especially now that I am out of the friendship. She tells people what they want to hear in the form of flattery so others will think they are the most wonderful person in the world.
My advice to you, Oakly, is to get away from her. I wish a million times over that I had stepped away from my friendship years ago. Of course with what happened, I am away from it now, and can now truly see the dysfunction. I feel that I wasted years of my life while my kids were little putting up with the drama and craziness that she brought into my family. Nobody has the right to do that to me! I am mad and would love to save you from the turmoil. You mentioned you are about to get married-keep her far away, Oakly. Marriage is hard enough. I know it may be hard to get away from her, but I would slowly start putting an arms-length distance between you. It is not worth it, trust me....