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Little Town Flirt

Histrionic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

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Little Town Flirt

Postby Harry_S » Tue Aug 19, 2008 8:22 am

Here she comes, that little town flirt,
You're fallin for her, and your gonna get hurt
Yeah I know she's gonna treat you wrong,
So your heart just better be strong,
Cos you can get hurt,
Yeah you can get a hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt,
Foolin around, with that little town flirt.


Good old Del Shannon. I wish I'd taken him more seriously.

For the past week or so I've been working my way through this forum. I found my way here due to needing to understand what happened in my last relationship, and also to figure-out my own role in it.

This is a great resource here. There's nothing quite like reading accounts of others who have been there and have shared similar sad, frustrating, and sometimes soul-destroying experiences that I found myself in. Clearly, someone understands my pain, understands my endless questions of "Why did I deserve this?", and that lessens the severity of it for me in some way. But more than that, there are reminders here that lessons are learned, things do get better eventually, and a new life is possible.

I know, how you feel, you think her love is real,
You think this time she'll be sincere,
But she thinks you gotta paper heart,
When she starts to tear it apart,
That's when she'll let you go.


The forum has also shown me how futile it is to go back. I was tempted to do so before, but not any longer. I know ordinary life can bring its own problems, without me standing there with my open hand outstretched.

I could write details of my own experiences; the lies, the "No, I didn't say that/Yes, I did say that, but you misunderstood me." the "You never give me anything and I give you all" and "There's nothing wrong with me, everybody knows it's your fault" the disturbing lack of remorse, constant permanently-in-puberty, the deception, well-aimed emotional abuse leading to my ever-lowering self-esteem...all that crap. But enough of that, for now.

Here she comes,
Just look at that style,
She's looking at you,
Giving you that smile,
Yeah, I know she's gonna treat you wrong
So your heart just better be strong
Cos you can get hurt,
Yeah you can get a hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt,
Foolin around, with that little town flirt.


I've been around a bit. Previous life experiences suggest that I should've been aware of the problem that was sitting staring me right in the face for the past three years. However, I ignored it or didn't wanted to see it or maybe *believed I could help her. But probably it comes down to the fact that she told me exactly what I wanted to hear and did so while being really, really cute.

I guess that this post is mostly a way to say "thanks" to all of those who've been unfortunate enough to have gone through it, and after the process of doing so have provided some light for me at a very difficult time.

Thank you.




(*for some reason I now find this notion completely hysterical)
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Postby donlimpio » Tue Aug 19, 2008 1:53 pm

Strange to read the title of your post and only realise it now... My ex WAS the town flirt. And I just downplayed it all the time.

ANYwhere we went in nightlife/bars/clubbing/going out, almost every guy knew her, from guys 5 years younger to 20 years older than her. I guess she's been making quite the impression for a while already...

I remember being so damn proud of myself, because I got the girl that EVERY guy in town was after! Then I remember being pissed off because people tried to tell me that every guy in town had already BEEN with her...

Still no red flag in my head back then. I just felt sorry for her, because I thought that she was just a really unlucky girl that grew up in a bad environment at a way too young age, looking for all older guys' attention because her dad left her and her mom. It was obvious she lived for her father's attention and approval, so I was probably right, I must admit.. But the end result must have been the same: she just tried to flirt with and seduce every guy she met.

Even I thought that the first time we'd met it was a done deal, the way she stayed with me for hours, gave her number and email, held my hands, touched me, laughed at all my jokes, told me she'd had a REALLY nice time etc... I too was a bit surprised the next time I saw her, that she didn't act as if we were already really close.

After that, sometimes we'd walk into a bar and she'd give some guy a really "ugly" look, saying that she knew him from before and that he was a real asshole. Looking back I guess there had of course been more to it.

More strangeness: there is only ONE other girl in town that reaaaally gets under her skin, and that's the girl the whole of our town calls the town slut. Mind you, they were best friends for five years, until my ex found a new best friend: a girl 5 years older, very beautiful, that has been trying desperately to f**k her way to the top of society. Apparently the men she targets are accustomed to using and discarding these golddiggers, because she always ends up single with only a couple more Vuitton bags as a farewell present. Sad, sad, sad... My ex was always slagging of these two former best friends about how they were tramps etc...

I'm pretty sure now that she wasn't all that different... To be honest, the only things that sets her apart is that she had bouts of complete asexuality and depression that made her look like a celibatary saint. Her other friends didn't have the hypersexuality/asexuality cycle.

Same difference :cry:
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Postby Harry_S » Wed Aug 20, 2008 1:18 pm

donlimpio wrote:Strange to read the title of your post and only realise it now... My ex WAS the town flirt. And I just downplayed it all the time.



I've always been very familiar with the song. Now what's seemed a rather innocent pop tune has a much more sinister meaning for me.

I downplayed the flirting too. In the past I've known other girls who sometimes flirted - in the most innocent sense - and it was never a problem. But as ever, it's easy to see things with the benefit of hindsight.
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Postby donlimpio » Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:28 am

Heh.. Funny thing is that me HPD-ex and me used to sing Madonna's "Borderline" all the time as an inside joke, referring to my previous ex (yeah, I've got a whole winning streak behind me when it comes to women!).

"You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline" :)

Sometimes there's more to innocent popsongs!
Democracy is 3 wolves and a sheep deciding what's for dinner
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Postby Harry_S » Thu Aug 21, 2008 4:53 pm

donlimpio wrote:Heh.. Funny thing is that me HPD-ex and me used to sing Madonna's "Borderline" all the time as an inside joke, referring to my previous ex (yeah, I've got a whole winning streak behind me when it comes to women!).

"You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline" :)

Sometimes there's more to innocent popsongs!


Don, that's certainly true.

While I'm generally concentrating on my own life now, I have found that my mind sometimes wanders to fictional characters from literature, cinema, or even television, who I only now recognise as displaying some of the traits associated with this (and similar) disorders.
It's been an educational experience indeed!
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Postby donlimpio » Thu Aug 21, 2008 6:26 pm

Hey Harry,

Well, I don't know if the visitors on this site are aware of this, but the literal translation for histrionic PD from my native language is Theatrical PD! While this definitely won't come as a surprise to the readers here it show how strong the connection between these PDs and drama and acting/lying/pretending is. And all of a sudden loose remarks grow new meaning: the way they say that a lot of people want to become famous because they want the whole world to love them? Sound suspiciously familiar. The way actors and actresses can hardly seem to stay together for longer than three years? Ditto, etcetera etcetera...

And you know what I thought about life with my ex? I often said to myself: "it's like starring in your own music video". I'm ashamed to say I loved that feeling, and I do miss the speed she gave my life a LOT. But I also remember feeling afraid that I could not live "up to it". It sort of felt like hanging with the supercool kids at school and realising that you're not really as tough as them: you hang out with THEM because they are the popular kids, not the other way around. But I digress... So yeah, living with her was often like starring in your own movie or trendy music video. Well, make that HER own movie :) .

But as with the more famous primadonnas, I had to run around town and working myself to death to cater to her needs. Make sure she's not alone, make sure she's not feeling down, if need be then spend disproportionate amounts of money you don't have, make excuses for her, drive to the other side of the country just because she wants to buy a dress there, drop everything you're doing to cushion her crises, and so on. You know the drill.

A female friend of mine told me: "You know, I had a real 'rock&roll'-boyfriend once, and yeah it was a riot. All of a sudden you do these crazy impulsive things, jump in a car and drive to the south of France on a whim, pack no clothes or nothing and just live life to the fullest. But after a year you realise that HE doesn't have to pay the prize the next week. HE doesn't have to compensate for jumping ship like that by working nights and weekend. HE doesn't get the VISA bill at the end of the month! YOU do!"

Boy did that sound familiar! By the end (and in the middle :) ) I was completely worn out. But I was hooked soooooo fast... The life of an ordinary happy guy and girl, meandering like a creak in a small town without extatic ups and suicidal downs does not make for blockbuster movies right? Things only become interesting the moment the tall dark strangers arrives and starts upsetting/seducing the whole town. I guess this was the position I was/am in: my life with her wasn't very stable but it was adventurous! 90 minutes of drama or action every single day AND moviestar looks and style.

Who wouldn't sign up for that at first?

But after two years I started to react. Basically I started to get really tired of her constantly meeting villains and heroes! I just though: real life is not like that girl.. Too much drama for me. I could still turn a blind eye to the drama, but I could not get her to replace the drama with a productive and realistic attitude towards life and our relationship. After six months she said that all I did was criticise her (asking for only the most reasonable small changes needed). And she withdrew. I didn't understand back then, but that was the end of the affair right there, as they say.

The primadonna fired personal manager!
Democracy is 3 wolves and a sheep deciding what's for dinner
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Postby MyWave » Sat Aug 23, 2008 12:07 am

Harry and Don,

I have always loved music. I was the kid who went to the record store and one of the first things I did was read the lyrics to the songs. I just always appreciated a good songwriter...

After my experience with my HPD, lyrics for me has taken on a whole new meaning. It is like opening of a world I really didn't know existed. It has added a depth and a added appreciation

Too good to be true and it usually is :roll:
You feed the fire that burned us all
When you lied
To feel the pain that spurs you on
Black inside
~ Alice in Chains
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Re:

Postby Cpt » Sun Mar 06, 2011 8:06 pm

donlimpio wrote:Strange to read the title of your post and only realise it now... My ex WAS the town flirt. And I just downplayed it all the time.

ANYwhere we went in nightlife/bars/clubbing/going out, almost every guy knew her, from guys 5 years younger to 20 years older than her. I guess she's been making quite the impression for a while already...

I remember being so damn proud of myself, because I got the girl that EVERY guy in town was after! Then I remember being pissed off because people tried to tell me that every guy in town had already BEEN with her...

Still no red flag in my head back then. I just felt sorry for her, because I thought that she was just a really unlucky girl that grew up in a bad environment at a way too young age, looking for all older guys' attention because her dad left her and her mom. It was obvious she lived for her father's attention and approval, so I was probably right, I must admit.. But the end result must have been the same: she just tried to flirt with and seduce every guy she met.

Even I thought that the first time we'd met it was a done deal, the way she stayed with me for hours, gave her number and email, held my hands, touched me, laughed at all my jokes, told me she'd had a REALLY nice time etc... I too was a bit surprised the next time I saw her, that she didn't act as if we were already really close.

After that, sometimes we'd walk into a bar and she'd give some guy a really "ugly" look, saying that she knew him from before and that he was a real asshole. Looking back I guess there had of course been more to it.


Wow! I think the ego boost to utter shame that we get from being with an HPD does more damage than a normal breakup would.
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