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Newbie - is this histrionic behavior?

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Postby nicholas » Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:39 am

kontrabissen wrote: Now she has called me again. I haven't answered and don't think I will, though I miss her.


Seriously... What do you miss about these sorts of personality traits in this person?
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Postby kontrabissen » Tue Dec 04, 2007 11:04 am

I have thought a lot about this. And maybe the intermittent reinforcement plays a role in this, if I understand it correctly.

I know, it's kinda sick, but I think she gets a thrill out of knowing, that when she dumps me (typically after I've mentioned something like: we need to talk), my typical reaction (which probably also is a symptom of my own craving for approval) is to move on and start seeing other women. In that way I copy her behaviour towards me and project it onto others. That is, as long as she can get to me and confuse me, I can't get involved in another serious relationship, and she is in control. I, on the other hand, get the reward of beeing able to see other women, and still see her... Sick!

But I know, I have to move on. I don't like hurting women by not being able to commit to them.
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Postby SenseAtLast » Wed Dec 05, 2007 1:44 am

kontrabissen wrote:I have thought a lot about this. And maybe the intermittent reinforcement plays a role in this, if I understand it correctly.

Its not like you need any more evidence. You're a bad cruel boy ... but I forgive you, and now come over and get your reward.

The things she said are quite typical. She is just trying to deflect the pain she feels, and in this sense it is quite normal.

I know, it's kinda sick, but I think she gets a thrill out of knowing, that when she dumps me (typically after I've mentioned something like: we need to talk), my typical reaction (which probably also is a symptom of my own craving for approval) is to move on and start seeing other women. In that way I copy her behaviour towards me and project it onto others. That is, as long as she can get to me and confuse me, I can't get involved in another serious relationship, and she is in control. I, on the other hand, get the reward of beeing able to see other women, and still see her... Sick!

There is a Seinfled episode where George and his girl run around trying to be the first to break up to see who has "the hand". This sounds a bit like that. Maybe your ex- wants "the hand".

I too am finding I have elements of NPD/HPD behaviour which is a bit of a shock. (Here I am on the Internet offering advice to complete strangers about their lives. How grandiose is that?)

Where it becomes disordered is when you are unable to take responsibility for your life and what happens, see the reactions of others as their problem, and see what happens to you as a result of something other than yourself.

But I know, I have to move on. I don't like hurting women by not being able to commit to them.

There is something disempowering to women in this statement but I just can't nail it.
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Postby SenseAtLast » Wed Dec 05, 2007 1:49 am

nicholas wrote:
kontrabissen wrote: Now she has called me again. I haven't answered and don't think I will, though I miss her.


Seriously... What do you miss about these sorts of personality traits in this person?

So Nic what is your secret? Are girls ringing up saying they're lying on their bed, touching themselves, waiting for you, so common you don't miss it? :)
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