HPDs and physical symptoms

I am trying to protect myself from a relationship with someone who I believe is histrionic. When trying to figure this out, I looked up the definition of Histrionic PD in Wikipedia and found ...are inclined to exploit physical symptoms.

What does this mean?

This guy constantantly talked about his condition: irritable bowel syndrome. It seems like for every hour we spent together he spent a third of it running back and forth between whatever we were doing and the bathroom (unless the activity was something he was really interested in; then his IBS didn't seem to bother him). But not a conversation would go by without his mentioning something about his condition.

Is this part of HPD, or something else entirely. Other than IBS, he didn't have many physical problems outside of the occasional cold, sore shoulder, etc.

I have lots of questions about HPD and why I feel so victimized but at the same time so awful about kicking him out of my life. For some reason the question about his condition is the one that lately has been coming to mind.

(My first visit to this or any message board.)

...are inclined to exploit physical symptoms.

Hello,

I would say: Yes, if he really is HPD the IBS is correlated with the disorder. It´s a conversion symptom with the benefit of always getting attention, using it for a little drama and as an excuse, in any given situation it serves him ("I can´t talk to you /care for you/be introspective right now, because I have to go to the bathroom").

Just my opinion.

This phenomenon is called "somatization". HPD is often times co-morbid (or exists with) with somatization. Usually in cases of HPD the somatization is issues with the gut. This is well documented.

I have a theory that the HPD learns this as a child... "Mommy, I've got a tummy ache" as a way of getting attention. This merely developes over time from "tummy ache" to IBD.

Remember the HPD is afflicted with arrested emotional developement. She is a child in a grown-ups body.

My HPD sis-in-law has used cancer and back problems whenever she needed sympathy or to take the focus off of something bad that she had going on in her life.

For example, (though I could go on for days with examples, I will keep this as short as I can) whenever there was a family wedding, where the focus was obviously on the bride and groom, her cancer symtoms would flare up and all of a sudden she wasn't going to have any hair for the wedding because of chemo treatments that she'd be having and blah, blah, blah, me, me, me. And all we would here several weeks before the wedding was how sick she was and was going to be. Of course that was never the case because she really didn't have cancer so therefore, never had treatments. But it just killed her that she wasn't the center of attention!!

In fact, the cancer sham started as soon as she started to lose her business and then miraculesly, she was cured a while after the whole drama of her losing her business was over.

She was supposed to have major back surgury the same day they were losing their house. Funny though, she never had the surgury and now helps her husband in his construction job a few days a week.

After a while it became very obvious to our family that she used physical symptoms to gain attention and sympathy as well as trying to take the focus off of anything bad she had going on in her life. She lives for the show, meaning she will do whatever she can to project to the world that she is living the perfect life.....when sadly, that couldn't be further from the truth...

My exhpd ritualized her whole life around her stomach problems. Go to the bathroom 4/5 times in the morning. Drink 7 glasses of water at night. Drink "her tea" (laxative) at 9:00pm every night... In addition, the stomach ache would materialize whenever I needed to talk about something that was bothering me about relationship me and stressful to her. If she ate anything outside her selected set of foods, then the stomach pain would start short after.

This took a lot of energy to maintain. She has been seeking help from many doctors but they cannot find anything wrong and hint to her this might me in her head.... then they become devalued since they did not "connect with her"...

I cannot generalize this into an hpd thing or not since I only have had the pleasure of spending time with 1.

This thread lands particularly close to home for me.

My HPD first "developed" symptoms in 19987/88. Our children were still very young at 4 and 2 respectively. As one might imagine children at these ages require a great deal of care. One would think that a 33 year old woman would need a bit less care...

She began to lose weight and have diarrhea. Frequent stomach upset among other symptoms as well.

At first I was sympathetic and tried to care for her the best I could however she wasn't very co-operative. By this I mean she refused care... wouldn't make a doctor's appointment, wouldn't let me do it for her, wouldn't go to the emergency room. She just wanted to lay around the house and have me wait on her hand and foot.

This went on for weeks. Soon my patience were wearing thin parenting not only our kids but her as well and earning a living and I took a more stern approach... go to the doctor or suffer.

She stormed off to her mothers. She stayed there for a couple of days complaining she was too weak to... well do anything.

Her mother (the authority figure) finally told her to go see a doctor or go home. So she went to the doctor. By now she was under weight and dehydrated so she was admitted to the hospital. This was during the America's Cup of 1988 for those scoring at home.

I spent as much time at the hospital as was feasible given work and two small children. I would get a sitter for the kids and I would spend all day with her. Then I would go home and care the kids and get them to bed. Then the next sitter would arrive and I would go to work (nights in those days). Then my day off came. I'm at home with the kids, it's late at night like 11:00 o'clock and she calls crying. Lonely and feeling sorry for herself she told me if I really lover her I would come back to the hospital and stay with her.

But...what about the kids? She told me they'd be all right, they were sleeping, it'd be okay to leave them home alone in the middle of the night.

I didn't leave the kids alone.

She never forgave for not coming to her when she needed me.

In fact my career was put on hold and very nearly ruined because I made decisions regarding her care as a priority in my life. Manipulation in the extreme!

She was in the hospital for a week while they ran test after test trying to find out what was wrong with her.

Guess what?

They couldn't find anything. They were at a loss as to what was causing her symptoms.

Finally given that she was in fact spewing from both ends; diarrhea and vomiting. They applied a diagnosis that fit the symptoms and discharged her into the care of a gastro-interologist.

That's when we found out that her rich aunt has a disease called Crohn's. A rare affliction whereby ulcers develope along the walls of the intestinal tract. There are many variations of this disease marked by the different characteristics, however now most all them are clustered together in "Inflammatory Bowel Disease" or IBD for short because the treatments are very similar regardless.

Okay...so, now we have a rich, and I do mean very wealthy, auntie who has this rare condition and what do you know so does lil niece. Now my HPD has something in common with her rich auntie! She never let an oppurtunity to point this out go by.

Alright the BS really starts piling up now. She goes to she her specialist. Guess what? Can't find anything wrong with her...except that she does have the "symptoms" of IBD but does not respond to drug therapy.

This is getting long and I'm losing patience with it, suffice it to say she went through several doctors before she found a quack that would just throw drugs at her and file the insurance.

My wife poisoned herself with all manner of drugs and steroids and inhibitors for years for a disease she doesn't have.

She used IBD as an excuse for everything to avoid personal responsibility. She didn't have to care for the kids, she didn't have to be at work on time, she didn't have to preapre meals or clean the house, participate in family activities. When she did she used her "condition" to manipulate the circumstances.

However remission seemed to be available to her at will for when she wanted to do something her IBD was never a problem or got in the way.

Beware! The HPD will say anything and do anything... and I do mean ANYTHING regardless of consequence... to secure supply!

If you are in a relationship with a HPD you are at risk!

Thisman Hadenough wrote:I am trying to protect myself from a relationship with someone who I believe is histrionic. When trying to figure this out, I looked up the definition of Histrionic PD in Wikipedia and found ...are inclined to exploit physical symptoms.

What does this mean?

This guy constantantly talked about his condition: irritable bowel syndrome. It seems like for every hour we spent together he spent a third of it running back and forth between whatever we were doing and the bathroom (unless the activity was something he was really interested in; then his IBS didn't seem to bother him). But not a conversation would go by without his mentioning something about his condition.

The individual I knew had a knee issue that required tens of thousands of dollars worth of surgery (that still hasn't happened after 3 years), yet she wore a glorified sock around her knee the entire time. Literally, it was probably half an ACE bandage that kept this catastrophic injury from getting worse. However, she somehow managed to do activities that you'd think a person with severe knee problems would be able to do (eg., she could climb stairs with the best of us).

Thanks everyone for the responses. I'm beginning to understand this HPD thing a little better, although I've been working on it for over a year.

One of the other things I was thinking of when I figured out that I had spent over two years in a relationship that wasn't normal was the possibility of Asperger's Syndrome. He has some of the symptoms: a weird gait, atypical use of language, failure to demonstrate empathy, limited social interaction (although he came across as very friendly and a 'people person'), preoccupation with a narrow subject (several musical artists, and a 10+ year compilation project that he always talked about but never seemed to do much beyond the planning stage), failure to develop friendships ("You're my only friend" he told me on numerous occasions, before he betrayed me, and it was probably true), had no clue about what humor was, etc.

Has anyone observed possible comorbidity with HPD and Asperger's?

I don't know why I think it's imporant to figure this out. I guess I'm looking for a reason not to hate the SOB for spending three and a half years spent on a roller-coaster ride with him, expending lots of emotional, physical, sexual, and intellectual energy only to figure out that I didn't get, and will never would get, anything in return.

He has some of the symptoms: a weird gait, atypical use of language, failure to demonstrate empathy, limited social interaction (although he came across as very friendly and a 'people person'), preoccupation with a narrow subject (several musical artists, and a 10+ year compilation project that he always talked about but never seemed to do much beyond the planning stage), failure to develop friendships ("You're my only friend" he told me on numerous occasions, before he betrayed me, and it was probably true), had no clue about what humor was, etc.

That´s an exact description of what my ex-HPD (female, age 40) was showing. This personality style is so odd when experienced that someone feels and even knows there is something not right with the afflicted person. Every behaviour/trait mentioned above is a red flag, too, IMO, but not knowing of HPD you simply can´t interpret it.

Hi Folks
Its been so long i nearly forgot my password!

I think Ccumm was on to something here.
As we know, alot of disordered people had a very tough upbringing, alot of time not getting the usual attention they needed as a child from their parents.

Illness is one way to get attention focused on you, and im sure that this may be one of the times that for someone who got little attention in childhood, they may remember having slightly better treatment and attention, when they were ill.

Its a learned behaviour.

For those of us who got ill as kids, yet had good parenting generally, it was no big deal to be ill, yeh, we all got a bit more special nurturing, but nothing we didnt get when we had other problems such as suzy G in class Z upsetting us or whatever.
Parents always let us know that they were there for us whatever, even when we were in the wrong.

For those who suffered abuse at the hands of the very people they needed protection and care from, I can imagine very well how a illness would mean that parents would have to care for us and how this very attention then placed on them, even for a short while, would stay well logged in the memory.

Somatization is very commonly co-morbid with HPD and other Cluster B disorders, and apparently more so in men, as women use their sexuality more.

We all need a little extra luving when we feel poorly. As much as no one would want to be very ill, it does envoke very strong emotions in friends and families who then rally round. It doesnt matter what has gone on before, with serious illness all is forgiven.

You can see where for someone who craves attention and perhaps deflection from the real problems that are going on with their lives, this would be an ideal opportunity to use this card.

Most of us non-disordered wouldnt dream of doing something so underhand and deceptive.