Females - Would you ever shave your head?

For whatever it's worth, I just came back from a city where the need/want to stand out is more pronounced than many other places. A lot of people going to a lot of extremes, and out of the 'ordinary' x, y, z behaviors/dress/actions to be noticed? to feel new? to feel alive? hard to say for sure.

What I did notice though is that when so many are extraordinary, within a day or two I had already grown quite numb in reaction, and likewise I noticed others seemed mostly unmoved too. When you are drowning in out of the ordinary, even that becomes ordinary.

xdude wrote:A lot of people going to a lot of extremes, and out of the 'ordinary' x, y, z behaviors/dress/actions to be noticed? to feel new? to feel alive? hard to say for sure.

Hmm.

Noticed.. she can get that anywhere, really. Because of her hobbies/jobbies. I think this was more emotion based.

To feel new? Quite possibly. Although, this happened directly following a "reality check" natured message by me to her, so i think to feel alive after a low blow may be correct. And maybe to start a new chapter in her life as someone else mentioned

Yep, or could have just been a whim too, or maybe a statement to self or others, or who knows. Sometimes it's hard to know exactly what motivates us to do what we do (i.e., she might not even be entirely sure herself why).

She tends to be extremely reactive to things, so my best guess was that i induced this somewhat, which i know it is wrong but kind of fills me up.

I did threaten her to make her never to talk to me again unless she changes, which is why i am leaning toward her starting a new chapter/new clean identity

-- Sun May 31, 2015 7:33 am --

Possibly even self shaming, as in agreeing with my shame of her

-- Sun May 31, 2015 7:33 am --

I am not sure if it was because of me being cruel seemingly out of the blue, or because of her realizing that i am right.

Some random thoughts that may be relevent -

I had seen an interview with a self-admitted female sociopath. I thought it interesting that her life theme kept coming back to 'don't control me, don't tell me how to feel, etc.' I remember this specifically because she talked a bit about being a bully and that while others were telling her she should feel bad about it, she was cognizant that she didn't feel bad, even enjoyed it. I kept wondering if part of her did feel guilty, but just because people were telling her how to feel, she turned that part off. Anyway...

This got me thinking about how we people, and maybe more so people with cluster B disorders, can latch on to life themes. So the reason to bring this up is that to whatever degree HPD and AsPD overlap, you may find that people with HPD go through relationship phases. First that idealization phase, which is a huge ego stroke, but later a phase of don't try to control me. So maybe she just did it because it was her way of showing you that she can and will do what she wants, and it's not something you can control, and... I think control of self/others can be a big motivator in NPD/AsPD types. It's a way to remain detached while also getting some ego strokes when we 'win'.

I had given someone else here advice, maybe not the best advice, but advice, that when the relationship reaches the point of becoming an ego battle, try a new approach. Let her win. Battles are no fun if both people aren't playing, and by pushing ourselves to let go of control, surprising how things can seem so different the next day.

I bet you are right.. the relationship did eventually turn into control..

She must be trying to make a statement.. but i don't even talk to her aside from the 2 emails in the past half a year.

I guess she still feels like part of her is with me

On second thought, it also may be that she is trying to prove that she is selfless, which is contrary to my view of her.

mindfunkmmMM wrote:On second thought, it also may be that she is trying to prove that she is selfless, which is contrary to my view of her.

Maybe true too. Over on the AsPD forum you can see that people are honest to a point of brutality, but that's the nature of how they see themselves and others. Maybe too honest for me, but HPD is seemingly different. People with HPD seem to see themselves and others in idealized, yes, selfless ways. It's an extreme view but cluster B is seemingly often about extremes.

I remember at one point telling the woman I met that she got really turned on when men fight; which she found very offensive, but I couldn't help but notice. I don't think it aligned with how she wanted to see herself. She really did seem to believe she was selfless. As an example, it's been written about here before many times. People with HPD may really believe they flirt with others out of a kindness, for the benefit of others, versus seeing they want the attention, but it is really something they believe.

You may well be right that she was making some kind of statement of selflessness.

Wouldnt histrionics use odd appearence to draw attention?

There was another thread on ASPD forum, but what do you think of female bodybuilders? Possibly histrionics? Male bodybuilder seens prototypical histrionic male to me.

Is bodybuilding a form of BDD?

To the moderator dude,

I dunno about the life theme thing but I can tell you there is nothing more annoying to me than someone attempting to control me and people talking about feelings (excluded situations where I want something out of the person, then somehow I can handle it) so in this train of thought, I am hardly surprised she brought it up. The third most annoying thing in the world is someone to ask me how I don't feel guilty about something I've done or tell me I should feel guilty.

There has been absolutely no childhood trauma in my life and I am quite sure I have been like that always.