Addicted to HPDs?

Hi ladies,

I am 23 year old, recently graduated business major, who is being treated for BPII as well as seemingly pathological traits of both NPD and AsPD, neither of which i am officially diagnosed, but both of which my therapist finds to heavily effect my ways of life.

Recently, I dated a classic HPD. Very people pleasing, extremely emotional, always on the go, always in good spirits (at least in public), very empathetic and seemingly caring. She once told me, "I don't feel beautiful unless i am acting beautiful", which was the very first hint i got that she had esteem issues. Before this, she came off as very self assured, and to this day i still believe she is. At least she need not put down others to bring herself up, right? This i loved and respected about her.

And she, she loved the fact that i was so different than her.. she knew there was a disconnection within me, but tried to fix it regardless. I reminded her of her first serious boyfriend, except less possessive and less jealous. Maybe the reason i was less jealous was because the relationship didn't mean as much to me as it did her, but honestly she grew on me and gave this unrelenting love and care that i just can not ignore.

We fit together so well.. our looks, personalities, star signs, literally everything. The one problem we ran into was, when she came home in a fit from work and not all smiles, I literally dumped her on the spot. I feel like if she did not maintain her original positive energy toward me, than it was all fake and not worth my time any longer.

So i guess i wonder.. do HPDs tend to look for individuals that they may deem "psychopathic", as my ex did? Or, is it more just them falling victim to the emotional manipulator?

A better question may be: Would you ever get back with your emotionally detached ex, if say, he was abusive? Was it worth it? Is there another type of person you would prefer other than someone like me?

Because, i am not trying to sound full of myself, but we really do fit like peas in a pod.. HPDs can help me feel, while i can help them relax.

Thoughts?

mindfunkmmMM wrote:
So i guess i wonder.. do HPDs tend to look for individuals that they may deem "psychopathic", as my ex did? Or, is it more just them falling victim to the emotional manipulator?

Maybe she likes you because your narcissistic and anti-social traits "balance" her emotional vibrancy out. Like Borderlines and occasionally Schizotypals, Histrionics are emotionally expansive and expressive.

Or maybe she likes the challenge to see if she can get you to ever cry one day.

So i guess i wonder.. do HPDs tend to look for individuals that they may deem "psychopathic", as my ex did? Or, is it more just them falling victim to the emotional manipulator?

HPD(and BPD) attraction towards ASPD is textbook behaviour.

NimplyDinply wrote:Or maybe she likes the challenge to see if she can get you to ever cry one day.

Ah, that she did! Albeit, just my left eye, and was mostly induced by anger, but still.. i am sure she had a mini orgasm at that, just as i do every time i see her face glows with fear when i forget to hide my cold eyes

NimplyDinply wrote:...Or maybe she likes the challenge to see if she can get you to ever cry one day.

Just my own opinion, but I see the self-esteem battle between NPD, HPD, and AsPD types happens.

Maybe not so much with BPD types, or maybe it's just more mixed up in those types, but the 'I don't need you as much as you need me' battle is seemingly sure to happen between them (eventually anyway). Winning these battles is (presumably) empowering.

xdude wrote:

NimplyDinply wrote:...Or maybe she likes the challenge to see if she can get you to ever cry one day.

Just my own opinion, but I see the self-esteem battle between NPD, HPD, and AsPD types happens.

Maybe not so much with BPD types, or maybe it's just more mixed up in those types, but the 'I don't need you as much as you need me' battle is seemingly sure to happen between them (eventually anyway). Winning these battles is (presumably) empowering.

I think some persons with BPD can be like that to an extent when angry, or during the pull/push cycle, but not in the way you describe.

Hello MindFunk...

I think your "possible HPD" is attracted to your aloofness. Your inability to connect.. commit.. or even love if it is true about your diagnosis and some of the mix of your own PD and history. If you truly are Antisocial then you possibly could never love anyone in the true sense of the word. I know I am only basing that on what I have read as well and plus the research that I have done was on Ted Bundy and he was an EXTREME case of the antisocial. So I won't speak too much where I don't have the knowledge.

But an HPD is about attention and getting love an attention and with her "ACT" she was getting that from you in some way when she seemed to always be bubbly and fun which offset your personality so it seemed you clicked. BUT... your personality ... you want her to always be that, and maybe she is most days but no one is happy 24/7. No one goes unscathed in this life of sadness or hurt or down days so if she had a bad day and she doesn't feel bubbly, she has that right to not be and doesn't make her fake. It's just THAT is what YOU are attracted to in her. and when she can't be that 24/7... you are ready to write her off.

You two do not have the same personalities, you OFFSET each other. Not compliment. There is a difference. You are total opposite. I don't know a single antisocial or BP who is bubbly. Just assuming you are not that way?? Correct me if I am wrong. Her goal is to get you ATTAINED to loving her. I do know that much about HPD. BUT... what is YOUR goal??? If you are already have discarded her before... what is your purpose in attaining more information about her here? What do you want to come from it? And ... do you think you have the capability to LOVE her?? You said "unrelenting love" but noone that loves another person can dump them on the spot because they are having a bad day. I know in our disordered minds, love is distorted and what we want from it and what we get from it are sometimes two TOTALLY different things.

if you have antisocial traits... then you can and are manipulative yes? Would you say you are good at manipulating a situation for your gain?? And she "if HPD" distorts the truth and becomes what you want her to be... to get love and adoration from you. So again... WHAT do you ever see coming from this??

When TWO disordered individuals connect/collide... it's a recipe for disaster. Trust me... I know. I come from two just such people. (one of them HAS been diagnosed) I don't have to have a doctor to tell me my parents should never have married and screwed up their children. I can give first-hand account of that. Just wondering where your though process is taking you?

Scarlett

Scarlett - Thanks for the reply, it gives me a lot to think about.

Scarlett1939 wrote:Hello MindFunk...

I think your "possible HPD" is attracted to your aloofness. Your inability to connect.. commit..

You two do not have the same personalities, you OFFSET each other.

I see. Maybe i was to quick to assume she had bad intentions.

Scarlett1939 wrote:What do you want to come from it? And ... do you think you have the capability to LOVE her??

I think i wanted the attention and just the free stuff.. from food and sex to just mere entertainment at her bubbly personality, which i in fact have somewhat as well, but it is the type of personality that comes out when i am trying too hard to influence someone as opposed to my natural self.

I think i do have the capacity to love, but like you said, it is all relative to our own emotional depth. But i really do believe that i can love, because break ups do actually hurt. Like, it is a loss. Regardless of how big of a loss or how detrimental it is to your psyche will vary depending on the person, but it did hurt.

Scarlett1939 wrote:if you have antisocial traits... then you can and are manipulative yes? Would you say you are good at manipulating a situation for your gain?? And she "if HPD" distorts the truth and becomes what you want her to be... to get love and adoration from you. So again... WHAT do you ever see coming from this??

To be honest, now that i think of it in these terms i think i enjoyed pushing my boundaries. Like i made her watch certain films, said certain things sometimes, did things to see if she would be shaken or not. Because in the end, I am looking for a mate to accept 100% of me.. good bad and ugly. I think i was testing this ability in her, and surprisingly she was unrelenting in her affection toward me. Which was another reason why i liked the relationship.. her all-giving nature


Again, thanks for the reply, it made me think - i encourage any follow up questions.

Although i know many aspects of my personality, i still do tend to confuse myself, so it is nice to talk about honestly here.

It's always good to reflect and yes, it feels great to be able to be honest on here when we can't often do that in our "real" lives.

Ok... I wouldn't necessarily say that she....had BAD intentions. Remember HPDs aren't normally self aware. HPDs ACT. They ACT with no true thought process. Every woman wants to be the reason a man changes for her but an HPD woman wants EVERY man to bend over backwards to attain her, even though she doesn't want every man. Hope that made sense.

An HPD would probably stop at nothing to get the man ....who cannot love....to love her. I've heard hundreds of stories on this board now about how a narcissist and HPD in a push pull relationship. The worst part is normally a narcissist knows he is what he is and will play the cat and mouse game with an HPD who has no clue why she does what she does.

So all of your "hpd's" actions she does to attain you, aren't really intentional so to speak... but it's more than likely not her TRUE self. She isn't going to always do or want to do 100% of things you ask of her. and on those days or events when she says no, I don't want to do that for you... your reaction most likely will be.... I don't need her... and you will find a new source for your own selfish gain. We are all selfish. The manner in which we determine the LEVEL of selfishness varies depending on the person. If we aren't getting what we need from a relationship.. we are more apt to find it elsewhere.

When you say that you think you are capable of love "because breakups do hurt"... I'm wondering if is more of the EGO or the actual reminding of being abandoned or left or hurt when you were a child that possibly made you into the disordered individual that you came to be today?? Maybe ?

I was almost always the first to pull away from the guys/men I dated and the only two that actually chose to leave me was actually due to other circumstances that were beyond anyone's control, but they were conflicted in moving on without me. The first time I was very young so it was a shock that one minute things were good and the next day I was being broke up with and did not understand the nature of what was happening. I now look back and know and understand why, but at 13 I did not. I cried and cried over that one. And with the dysfunctional home life I had, that was enough to change me into someone that would never allow her heart to be broken again. and I didn't. At 17 years old, another guy did end things with me because he felt guilty of breaking up with his long time girlfriend of three years for me, and I liked him, but there was no love but I "cried" and made him feel awful without saying a word for breaking up with me. I remember thinking... how the heck am I crying this much because I really do not feel much for him other than the strong sexual attraction... and that was really my pride that was hurt.

So just wondering how much breakups actually hurt YOU as per say your pride or your feelings or just that you "aren't getting your way".??

Confusing... that word doesn't even touch the surface on what I have been through and done in my life to get to understanding myself to this day. So I hear you on that one.

OH and I have pushed my boundaries... WAY WAY over the line in many relationships that I have had including with my husband. Like I would see what they were willing to tolerate. And surprising enough.. they tolerated A LOT. and that was a justification in my mind that THEY MUST LOVE ME if they are willing to put up with ... A, B, and C. But I never stopped to ask myself back then... do I love THEM??? and I didn't. And that is Husband included. At such a young age and being dysfunctional.. there was no way I was in love with my husband. I liked him and cared for him, but not love. Or I would not have done the things that I did. It took several years before I realized and finally came to love him. And perhaps my love is not the same for him as his is for me... but it is the best I am capable of and I keep my actions under control and focus on what we have together. And it's a pretty good life.

Scarlett

Scarlett1939 wrote:An HPD would probably stop at nothing to get the man ....who cannot love....to love her. I've heard hundreds of stories on this board now about how a narcissist and HPD in a push pull relationship. The worst part is normally a narcissist knows he is what he is and will play the

If it were discovery channel most evil it would be like this.

1. ASPD.
2. BPD.
3. NPD.
4. HPD.

While HPD are masters at manipulating nons, they can be easily manipulated by the former three.

-- Fri May 08, 2015 11:40 am --

creative_nothing wrote:

So i guess i wonder.. do HPDs tend to look for individuals that they may deem "psychopathic", as my ex did? Or, is it more just them falling victim to the emotional manipulator?

HPD(and BPD) attraction towards ASPD is textbook behaviour.

Maybe the theory is a bit wrong?

It is not that HPD are attracted to ASPD, but that ASPD seen them as an easy prey?