Our partner

My dad just died, I cant cope

A place to discuss the loss of a family member.

My dad just died, I cant cope

Postby delamo » Fri Oct 12, 2012 8:03 pm

I need some support, my precious dad died recently..at first I felt numb but now im going downhill fast because my dad meant the world to me and the holidays are coming...i have had to be hospitalized before for psych illness and my dad was so caring and would always come visit me at the hospital...now I am facing a cold unknown world without my sweet dad...i feel so alone. Nobody cared for me the way my dad did...i think im gonna end up in the hospital sometime around the holiday...i dont want to, but I cannot help it...he meant so much to me and his loss is also reminding me of other painful stuff...also since my dad died I feel like I also lost my brother, he has disappeared into the woodwork in the weeks since dad died..i have reached out to my brother in a caring way and he is silent..maybe he cant handle any talk about our dad but I alrwady lost my dad and now I feel like I lost my brother too. I thought at a time like this my brother would totally be there forme just like I have been for him. Need advice and support that is caring please
delamo
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 104
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 8:50 pm
Local time: Wed Jul 30, 2014 1:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: My dad just died, I cant cope

Postby TROJAN » Fri Oct 12, 2012 8:48 pm

Delamo, you totally have my sympathy. I lost my father 20 years ago, and I still feel like I'm grieving.
As for your Brother, family members don't all deal with grief in the same way, and your Brother may feel that he needs to get away for some time to deal with his grief. When I lost my Dad, I realised I needed help to deal with things, as I couldn't talk to the family, as they were hurting just as much as me, so I sought counselling.
User avatar
TROJAN
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 411
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 3:53 pm
Local time: Wed Jul 30, 2014 1:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My dad just died, I cant cope

Postby splendidwithin » Sat Oct 13, 2012 8:32 pm

Hi There. You love your dad so much and it makes me smile to think that someone admires their dad as much as I admire mine. You're a thoughtful child and I'm sure he was pleased with your heart. Your dad probably gave you plenty of words that he hoped you would carry with you especially during times like this. Use them for help. That's what they were always used for anyway... Right? Write them down. Dad may come to you in dreams just to remind you of those things. Don't ignore those positive thoughts. Use them for strength.

I want you to know that grieving takes time... and that special time is different for everyone. (((Hugggggs)))
Healing Takes Time. Take Time to Heal. ~Splendid Within~ http://2bemeek.blogspot.com/
User avatar
splendidwithin
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2012 8:22 pm
Local time: Wed Jul 30, 2014 7:07 am
Blog: View Blog (2)

Re: My dad just died, I cant cope

Postby delamo » Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:30 pm

Dear Trojan, thank you..I can see you know how I feel...dads are so important, you know them your whole life and are tied into who you are and so many memories...in a way I believe losing a parent can be harder than losing a spouse because people often get divorced and have more than one spouse or partner....but you only have ONE dad....it's extremely shattering losing a parent

-- Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:35 pm --

Splendid within, Thank you too...glad to hear your close to your dad too...your right, he did give me some words I am trying to use those words to help get thru all the pain...but to be honest in the devastating pain of losing him and so unexpectedly, sometimes words just feel like words, but I'm trying...with the holidays coming its making my pain worse though
delamo
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 104
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 8:50 pm
Local time: Wed Jul 30, 2014 1:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My dad just died, I cant cope

Postby TROJAN » Sun Oct 14, 2012 3:45 pm

Delamo, sorry I have been absent. My internet has been down for three days. :roll: My Godfather visited on Friday, and something he said made me realise that I basically tuned out at my Dad's funeral. I had absolutely no recollection that my Godfather took the service.
User avatar
TROJAN
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 411
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 3:53 pm
Local time: Wed Jul 30, 2014 1:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My dad just died, I cant cope

Postby positivethinking » Mon Oct 15, 2012 4:36 pm

Forgive your brother and remember that we all grieve differently. He needs to find a way to cope that works for him - letting him know you are there for him I'm sure goes a long way. It makes me sad to think that you are so certain you are going to be hospitalized over the holidays. Maybe make a pact with yourself that you are going to show your Dad how strong you are and honor his memory and the impact he had on your life. It's so hard when we lose those we are closest to. I am so very sorry for your loss!
positivethinking
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 48
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2012 12:55 pm
Local time: Wed Jul 30, 2014 8:07 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My dad just died, I cant cope

Postby delamo » Mon Oct 15, 2012 7:11 pm

I dont want to fall apart, its not really something that I can totally control...i have a preexisting psych illness that I have battled for years...i know how some of the warning signs feel that let me know how im doing..i am going to try to do what I can to stay well but with the holidays coming I am aware it may cause me to relapse..just how someone with a heart condition can do their part but its not somthing that can be totaly controlled...thanks for the support everyone..i am going to try to be ok and somehow honor mu dad this hpliday season..if it ends up being too much for me and I relapse I guess I can take comfort that my dad never judged me for having a psych illness, he would always visit me and encourage me..he never made me feel less for being sick..he was so caring and nonjudgmental person, I know he passed this trait onto me..

-- Mon Oct 15, 2012 7:12 pm --

I dont want to fall apart, its not really something that I can totally control...i have a preexisting psych illness that I have battled for years...i know how some of the warning signs feel that let me know how im doing..i am going to try to do what I can to stay well but with the holidays coming I am aware it may cause me to relapse..just how someone with a heart condition can do their part but its not somthing that can be totaly controlled...thanks for the support everyone..i am going to try to be ok and somehow honor mu dad this hpliday season..if it ends up being too much for me and I relapse I guess I can take comfort that my dad never judged me for having a psych illness, he would always visit me and encourage me..he never made me feel less for being sick..he was so caring and nonjudgmental person, I know he passed this trait onto me..
delamo
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 104
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 8:50 pm
Local time: Wed Jul 30, 2014 1:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My dad just died, I cant cope

Postby Onebravegirl » Tue Oct 16, 2012 2:39 pm

I am really sad for you. Holidays are hard for many so don't feel bad if you need to go somewhere to be safe. Think about what you can do that would honor your dads memory. He would want you to be happy and safe.
Warm hug,
One
Two men looked through bars. One saw Mud, the other saw Stars.
User avatar
Onebravegirl
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 7452
Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2010 8:14 pm
Local time: Wed Jul 30, 2014 8:07 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My dad just died, I cant cope

Postby positivethinking » Tue Oct 16, 2012 5:19 pm

The holiday season has a tendency to be so bittersweet. What a wonderful thing you could do if you could turn it around from something that is negative into a new tradition of remembering and honoring your dad. Pulling for you!
positivethinking
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 48
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2012 12:55 pm
Local time: Wed Jul 30, 2014 8:07 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My dad just died, I cant cope

Postby delamo » Wed Oct 17, 2012 1:04 am

thanks all...i agree about finding someway to honor his memory...im tossingsome ideas around...maybe visit a nursing home and bring cookies, theres people there that are lonely...i am gonna try to somehow get thru it, and if i start feeling i need to go somewhere to be safe, then thats what ill have to do...i know my dad never judged me for the times i had to be hospitalized, he treated it as any other illness like as if I had diabetes..so i think if i do end up getting to feeling so bad that i need to have a 'tuneup' in the hospital to keep safe and get to feeling better, theres no shame in that, my dad helped teach me that...but i hope to avoid it, its just there if i need it. its all so fresh since he recently just died, his absence will definately be hard on everyone but i think in some way it may help me to honor his memory, to know that his goodness lives on...
delamo
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 104
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 8:50 pm
Local time: Wed Jul 30, 2014 1:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Family




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests

cron