stepfather died

I never got along with my dad. (He was technically a step-dad, but he and my mother married when I was 2, so he's the only dad I've ever had.) He was 22 years older than Mom, and I guess because I wasn't his kid, I felt I was always treated worse than my younger brothers, who were his kids. He died 6 weeks ago, and the main feeling I've felt since then is relief.

He never physically abused any of us, but mental abuse was the norm for me and my mother. I can count on one hand the number of times in my life that I heard him call me by my correct name. He always put Dumb as part of my name, or he would refer to me as 'that oldest one' or 'that big one,' refusing to even acknowledge me by name. I had repeatedly asked my mother about getting divorced, but she refused to even consider that, because she had taken her marriage vows. So finally, 35 years after they were married, he's finally gone. He hasn't been buried yet (that will be after Easter), but I really don't even want to go.

A woman who was like a grandmother to me (and introduced my parents to each other) was always on my side. She died a year ago, and I still miss her a lot more than I think I'll ever miss my dad.

There had been times when I lived at home that I seriously thought about running away, or even worse, trying to kill him to get away for the abuse. But I was smart enough to know that I wasn't smart enough to pull off either plan, so nothing ever became of it.

Should I just suck it up and go to the burial, but keep quiet, and then totally be done with him? I don't know what else to do.

Philabronc

I'd go to the burial and then be done with him.