Classroom anxiety

I can't seem to get any thinking of a more productive nature going.

I think I have severe concentration and focus issues resulting from anxiety, and resulting problems of panic from the bodily sensations, uncontrollable thoughts that's most likely (I thought for a while that i had aspergers; never really figured out whether I did or not, and the psychiatrist only said he thought I had schizoid after I mentioned it, so who knows what he's holding back); I don't know why I keep taking a shot at college because the same thing keeps happening again and again. I also can't seem to study for 5 seconds without looking at the computer or a non-productive/distracting/un-focused thought entering my head. I am absolutely getting annihilated in calculus (I skipped a quiz which is 1/30 of my grade, I would have gotten like a 10% on it if I had actually taken it; and I just figured it wasn't worth it to go through the huge mess of anxiety i'd get if I went to class. I don't know if he'll let me make it up in sympathy toward me not being able to see the first 8 class periods, BUT of course that doesn't matter but that's really wishful thinking; which seems to be what I keep end up doing. What I think i'm going to do is go for tutoring whenever possible for the rest of the semester, if that doesn't work than I have to drop the class.

I felt real prepped for this semester and just ran into a brick wall with the anxiety around people; just as if I had been back in highschool. I had been isolating myself for a while now and didn't think about how bad the anxiety would get around people; i'm sure any idiot will tell you that that's going to make it worse. I haven't felt this much anxiety around people since I was in highschool; and it's turning into paranoia - like I see looks of hostility from everybody around me and I feel like I need to have a gun on me at all times.

To be honest, Steve, you need to make a firm effort to get this stuff sorted ASAP. This paranoia you're feeling might seem justified to you, but in reality the people aren't against you. Paranoia seems to feature in many mental illnesses, but in most cases it's an illogical kind of paranoia. Look, your posts over the past while have been genuinely worrying me. Can you please assure me that you will be up-front and honest to your doctor and family about what the hell is happening with you. you cannot go on like this because you're running yourself into the ground.

Kevin

He actually drops the lowest quiz score; so I just found out. Thanks for responding again.

I don't understand what you mean. Please explain dude...

Take care,
Kevin

He drops the lowest quiz score, which is a 0 for me.

Right, so what happens now? To get a zero you must have written absolutely nothing on the page? The picture I get of your life is of you pushing everything away. You're 'undressing' your life because you're so depressed and can't deal with anything anymore, and yet you are too scared to just go up to someone in authority and admit that you are severely struggling with life right now. Im probably wrong on this, but you can understand now why I am worried about you (given that this is the way I view your situation).

Kevin

Chucky wrote:Right, so what happens now? To get a zero you must have written absolutely nothing on the page? The picture I get of your life is of you pushing everything away. You're 'undressing' your life because you're so depressed and can't deal with anything anymore, and yet you are too scared to just go up to someone in authority and admit that you are severely struggling with life right now. Im probably wrong on this, but you can understand now why I am worried about you (given that this is the way I view your situation).

Kevin

I skipped a quiz, so that would be the 0 that he drops.

I know i am scared to go up to someone in authority and admit I am struggling, who do you go up to and talk with in regard to these matters (my academic advisor?). I have no outside contacts other than my parents to connect with and get help, study with, ask questions. The problem with this is that my parents definitely do not provide any support or suggestions in matters of academics; the only thing my dad (who didn't go to college himself) has always done is to prod me over and over to go to college and not provide input on what other options there might be; otherwise I might have held on to a job when I was younger instead of making the rash decision of joining the army. Now I am getting screamed at constantly to get a job by my mom, while my dad holds onto the dream that I am going to graduate with top honors and get a high paying job. I don't feel that I have the ability to get ANY sort of job though, because of my long term unemployment/addiction to antidepressents.

I have been a loner, only maintaining temporary contacts, for almost 6 years now. To be honest, one of the big reasons I am going is to get money from the government via the GI bill.

I think what you are saying has to do with problems with long term schizoid/avoidant personality disorder. I despise every second of my weaknesses showing to another human being (and I do not have any shortage of them); I feel like they are all out there on display every minute I am with another human being. It seems like it's only a matter of moments before panic sets in and I try to bail out of a situation/conversation. I guess I can't get the fact that I am going to become homeless and starve to death if this continues.

But i've been seeing psychiatrists for a long time now, with huge gaps in between appointments. I never reveal my true emotional instability/suicidality to them like I have been in an these anonymous forums (recently anyways)

Steve234 wrote:But i've been seeing psychiatrists for a long time now, with huge gaps in between appointments. I never reveal my true emotional instability/suicidality to them like I have been in an these anonymous forums (recently anyways)

You need to be honest with your pdoc if you want any kind of help from him or her to aid in resolving your issues, especially if you are thinking suicide.

I concur with what exl2398 said, but I want to add this to the equation: How long more do you think you can go on in your life coming here posting about how depressed you are? What good is coming here if you're not prepared to take the drastic action that is neded? Also, how much more damage can you let happen to your life until you basically are left with nothing?

You're a 'brave' man to not want to reveal your weaknesses to someone... ...not. The bravest man is the one who knows when he's beaten and needs help. the person who has beaten you here is only yourself.

Kevin