Update on Depersonalization/ Anxiety

I thought id give a little update. My DP symptoms seem to be getting better, about my body anyways. My memory is starting to get a little better as well. I still have the hyper awareness which I can't seem to shake off. Overly aware of my conscious and reality. It seems to be the only thing stopping me. It causes depression because I see through everything and over analyze so everything seems pretty stale and boring. I notice I'm not constantly over aware of existence when I'm distracted I will temporarily forget about it. But I'm constantly reminded of my over awareness unfortunately because you can't really escape reality itself. It feels terrible feeling this trapped all the time. I notice a lot of stimuli seems to trigger the over awareness as well. Especially showers, it's like I'm mind blown that I exist at all and that I'm in reality itself, which causes a trapped feeling which causes panic and depression. And I often wonder how nobody else on the planet seems to not be aware of this as well. If I were to word it perfectly it would be like this. I'm literally scared of existense itself. It's almost overwhelming at times. I'm uncomfortable with the very air that surrounds me. I notice every little thing about existense. Another good way to describe it would be to say it's like all my life I was engaged in reality, I didn't question it, i just lived it. It's like now I'm separated from reality, but not like in a dreamy kind of way. I'm separated from reality in a way where it's like instead of being engaged im observing reality. Like reality is now detached from myself and I "notice" it. And because it seems so surreal and complex to be in reality itself that is why it causes panic.